To ask parents in law not to use racist slurs around DC

[OneLittleLamb]

DC (twins) are only 6 months but have used slurs around them such as ch*nky (to describe someone from Asian decent) and sometimes discusses black people in casually racist ways.

DP says babies are too young to know right now but I feel it's setting a precedent. How do I address this? It makes me feel sick tbh

It is wrong to use racial slurs. End of. I would feel sick too.

Of course you're not being unreasonable!

I would have addressed it before the children arrived, I wouldn't want to spend a moment with a pair of racist shits.

I’d ask them not to use those words in front of me, let alone the children

Meant to ask also, AIBU to ask them to stop this now while twins don't know what's being said?

Exactly. It makes me cringe so much. I think il just call it out next time despite the awkwardness

I wouldn’t be around anyone who uses language like that. Were you okay with it before having children? Is your partner?

I'd be firm and say you don't like to hear such language, even more so now you have children.

If you don't ask them to stop now when you asked them in 6 months time they'll say "well it's never been an issue before"

I don't understand why this is only an issue now you have children.
But to answer the OP specifically, obviously YANBU to not want them to use racist language around your children.

@AnneLovesGilbert no, every time I hear it I come away (pre babies) and rant at DP about it because I find it vile. He gets it but he just thinks let them get on with it. However now twins are here it's another level for me.

I knew the answer to this, I think I just needed to hear from others

@girlmom21 really good point

Your DCs are a red herring here. That language is unacceptable always.

“That word isn’t used anymore” is a gentle place to start. “That language is pretty offensive” is more blunt if they don’t pick up on the hint. Third strike could be: “I can’t listen to you bang on about people like that, as if they were inferior to you. I’m not sure if you realize how harmful these names and stereotypes can be. I’m going to share a few articles for you to read so that you can learn some basic human decency.”

Failing that, I don’t think I could spend time with them (…and THIS is where your DCs come in, because obviously they shouldn’t either in this situation)

This. Everytime. Just because THEY'VE normalised racism, doesn't make it acceptible

Even if you haven't said anything so far, it doesn't mean you have to stay quiet forever! Don't wait until your children repeat something they've said.

why did you marry someone with racist relatives?

The thought of this makes me feel physically sick.

I'm definitely addressing it next time, I think il just go straight in with "please can you not use that word around DCs" and let the awkwardness hang there

Erm why do you even associate with racists?

Them using slurs around your kids is disgusting, but you're no better for spending time with them condoning it yourself

Maybe her husband isn’t racist , that’s probably why 🙄

How about you can't say things like that these days! ?

Are you in Scotland OP? I have only ever heard one of those words casually used in reference to a takeaway meal 'we're having an x tonight.' Not maligning Scotland as a whole btw, just a one off experience. If it is in context like the above do they recognize that it's racist, rather than just being a term for that particular thing IYSWIM? I would tell DH that you will not move on this and then let him deal with it.

You sure? He doesn't mind the slurs. Not because they are vile. But because the children cant understand the slurs yet. That is racist.

Have your 🙄 right back.

Never mind the kids

They should be made to feel uncomfortable saying it around every person

So you never called them out on it in all the time you've known them?? Why's that then?

Your kids are learning right now, they just can’t speak yet.

“ I don’t want that kind of language or discussion in front of my children. “

then if it happens a second time on the same visit, you end the visit.

My family caught on very, very fast.

as for people saying why didn’t you speak up earlier, I don’t think everyone realizes what it can be like to deal with in the real world as opposed to online, especially with family.

This is the "casual" racism that so many deny exists in this country, just appalling

@ThatGirlInACountrySong I'm not a very confident person and I have always been extremely shy around my DP family. They are very loud and I get anxiety around even the thought of saying such a thing. The line is getting drawn now my children are here

I know many wouldn't agree that I've never said anything and that's understandable, but also just the way it is