To ask parents in law not to use racist slurs around DC

[OneLittleLamb]

DC (twins) are only 6 months but have used slurs around them such as ch*nky (to describe someone from Asian decent) and sometimes discusses black people in casually racist ways.

DP says babies are too young to know right now but I feel it's setting a precedent. How do I address this? It makes me feel sick tbh

They shouldn't even be saying it around you ffs

👍 🙄

That's the issue here, not that he has racist relatives, it's that he doesn't do anything about it.

That would be my take too. No one says that crap in my house or near my child. But I'm not divorcing DH because his dad said something shitty in his own house which both DH and I challenged him on and he apologised.

Hilarious

Shall we all get personality questionnaires filled out and how wide a family member shall we go to , uncle , Nan , great aunt Ethel twice removed ?
Should we all get formal psychology qualifications so we can route out anyone hiding their true feelings .

Should we all get formal psychology qualifications so we can route out anyone hiding their true feelings .

It's generally not that hard. And if they're hiding it, great. It can stay in their heads.

You chose to have children with a man who believes that racists ‘should be left to get on with it’?

wow!

he sounds delightful

@hattie43

Why do you find it hilarious that some people have 0 tolerance towards racism?

As a civilised society we should all have no tolerance towards racism.

The OPs husband tolerates racism, the OP is tolerating racism. And for most that would be a relationship ender.

How utterly ironic. Do you realise this? Are you being disingenuous?

I am from Scotland and moved to the south of England for work, where I heard this said at the office. I had to ask my very English colleagues not to use such terminology.

Good grief.

And yes everyone knows a racist. It's up to you OP where you draw the line.

Do you seriously think you need formal psychology qualifications to know that racist slurs = racism?
you sound a bit dim tbh.

it’s really not that difficult.

Because it is beyond ridiculous to suggest OP leaves her husband because of his relatives . Everyone has a relative they aren't proud of so should we all divorce . Daft

@hattie43

Who has said she should leave her husband because he has racist relatives

She should leave because he tolerates racism, to be honest she should have never had children or married someone who tolerates racism. As it makes him just as bad as them, and the OP tolerating it is also shit.

There is a very clear and pretty obvious difference there which you seem unable to understand

It's not just that they use such appaling language - presumably they think like that too? - and concerning that "D"H thinks it's OK.

Personally would have been v low or no contact from the start - but would definitely do that now, and let them know why. Let "D"H visit them on his own

I'd find it really hard to believe they are doing this innocently, surely no one today thinks its OK (including your DP) I wonder if they are trying to provoke a row?

Far more awkward to handle when (not if) your DC start repeating those slurs in public.

Why have you name-changed to make this thread? It's hardly got an outing storyline?

I think that is wise. It is a fact that what words that are considered racist do change with time. Older people can't always keep up with what is considered racist or know what terminology to use instead . That is not an excuse for racism.

Although of course some people that use those words are actually racist!

Oh good! A nice dose of ageism too.

please do tell us at what age does using ‘chinky’ become acceptable because you’re unable to figure out what the appropriate term is?

At 68 I'm probably older than the OP's parents and have never used racist language; nor did my mother who died aged 92.

Some things don't need to be learned - you just know.

Older people can't always keep up with what is considered racist or know what terminology to use instead

My grandmother, who would have been over 100 now, didn't tolerate racism. And she used to call it out in others. Memorably when I had a Nigerian boyfriend as a 20 yo. The shit she gave my Aunt who made a comment... It was something to behold.

Terminology is the smoke screen. People pretend it's about that. But no one used or uses P@ki shop or going for a Ch1nky without knowing full well it's racist. It was racist 30 plus years ago FFS. Unless you live under a rock, you know. It's not the same as not knowing if 'PoC' or 'Black British people' is preferred.

I have no idea. It's not particularly easy for people who aren't using the internet, don't particularly keep up with the news or modern life to just "work it out". How do you suggest people do that?

You don’t ask. You tell. You also tell them if they persist in using abusive racist language they will not be around your children ever.

Who are these mythical people? 🤔
it doesn’t appear from the info in the OP that the in laws are off-grid ignoramuses with no concept of terms such as ‘Chinese’ rather than Chinky.

honestly assuming racists have to be old just shows your own prejudice -
ageist and a racism-excuser.

I didn't say racists have to be old and I have not excused racism.

The point is that not everyone who use racist language realise that it is racist . Obviously it's different if they keep using it after having been told .

.

The point is that not everyone who use racist language realise that it is racist .

It was racist when I was a teenager. They know. Everyone knows.

@ElephantsintheCupboard

Don't try and have a rational conversation with these zealots . Not worth the aggravation