To want DH to stop eating unhealthy food in front of toddler?

[Eatingunhealthily]

When DH eats something that isn’t great like an ice cream or crisps or similar our DS inevitably starts clamouring for some, which means he either ends up with something toddlers really shouldn’t eat or we have screaming tantrums.

I know it sounds overly fussy but DS has quite a poor appetite and it doesn’t take much to put him off a meal. A handful of crisps and he will barely touch his dinner.

I’m not asking DH not to eat these things just not to eat them in front of DS. AIBU?

Heavens.

I would not be okay with it as my child’s regular diet. No.

but of course I’d be okay with it if sometimes they ate a weird meal that wasn’t poison for fucks sake. It’s about balance - over a course of days, weeks or months. it’s not about the specific nutritional profile of each single meal.

MN is literally the craziest place I know if you talk about food for children. If you asked whether a child sized Kit Kat is ok in a 7 year old lunchbox, your would be jumped at for encouraging them to eat junk yet a toddler should be allowed ice cream!

As the parent of a previously fussy eater, I completely agree with you and would be fuming if DH ate junk in front of the kids when they were toddlers. I used to hate it when they noticed people eating ice cream/biscuits and want some.

Mine are now older and early primary age. Whilst I don't use the word bad or treat to describe food, I have taught them that certain foods nourish our bodies better than others. They also know certain foods (particularly sweet) taste great but should be enjoyed in moderation. Fortunately the fussy eating eventually improved for us and they do get to eat sweet things but less often

I would honestly be livid if someone tried to police what I was eating because a toddler was throwing a paddy. And having to hide somewhere rather than being able to relax.

There will always be times when others will be eating different things to your son. I had an incredibly picky eater but we just taught him he doesn't get what he wants by throwing a tantrum. He was offered the same dinner even if it was two hours later.

Yes your partner is selfish and thoughtless. Why can't he:

• wait till your son is napping to eat his Monster Munch
• eat them in a different room
• eat them just after your son has eaten lunch
• eat something nutritious (or that is already planned as part of son's lunch).

If he spoils your son's appetite, your husband should then deal with the consequences - later lunch/later nap/impacts on dinner, etc

So if you went out with your kids and got yourself an ice-cream but not them thats ok?

I wouldn't go out and buy anyone ice cream just before lunch, but if as an adult in my own home I fancied a magnum, of course I'd go and get one.

If you get yourself an alcoholic drink you dont give them a non alcoholic drink?

Not comparable as the child would be getting a different drink from the adult.

If you have a treat food then its weird as hell to eat it in front of a child and deny them it too. Cruel in fact.

Of course it's not cruel to teach children that sometimes the answer is "no".

I don't think anything ne is saying that, don't be so ridiculous.

Does one crisp or one bite of ice cream really stop him eating a whole meal of meat, potato and veg.

Surely if a mouthful is enough for him that's all he eats for meals too?

I think that’s pretty much OP’s point. He’s a toddler with a tiny appetite at a fussy stage. Eating the snack food her DH shares with him disrupts his meals.

Of course it's not cruel to teach children that sometimes the answer is "no".

Not cruel, no - that’s a bit strong.
I’d go with twatish.

I think that’s pretty much OP’s point. He’s a toddler with a tiny appetite at a fussy stage. Eating the snack food her DH shares with him disrupts his meals.

But IP says she wants him and he does eat fish, potato and veg if he doesn't have a snack.

Other posters have suggested he have 1 crisp or 1 lick of the ice cream.

She says he won't eat anything else if he does this.

What I'm trying to establish is if he only eats 1 mouthful of food a meal so one mouthful is enough - and if one mouthful is enough he isn't going to eat the whole meals OP wants him to anyway.

And if he really is just eating 1 mouthful a meal there's clearly a problem.

I get where you're coming from OP but I do think YBU to be honest.

Every week I take DS to a music group and one of the children there always has a snack half way though and DS is very adept at throwing a hissy fit that he can't have her snack.

I'm not sure I get the difference between something he can't have because it's not the appropriate time (ice cream, biscuit) and something he can't have because he can't have it at all yet (coke, wine). It's just about riding it out until he accepts that no is sometimes the answer he's getting.

I really don't understand what's "twattish" about it. Sometimes the answer will be "no" - and they need to learn to accept that, not throw a wobbler about it. 19 months might be young, but soon enough he'll be in nursery/school and won't be able to have everything other people are having.

I mean, it's a fact of life that children can't always have what they want. He needs to learn that if mummy and daddy say "no, not before lunch" or "no, not right now" then that's the answer, surely?

Yeah I managed to hid snacks from all 4 of the ds when they were toddlers.

Plenty of time to teach them you don't eat magnums or crisps before lunch when they are a bit older and that some times others will be eating things they can't have, you don't need to start teaching them that at 19 months 🤣

Every family I know who espoused this philosophy ended up with significantly overweight children.

There was no nasty swipe at a toddler, you're being really over dramatic with that comment.
And you do sound stressed from your replies on this thread. There's been lots of useful advice on here, no need to lash out at posters who have tried to help.

I mean, of course you don't have to, but it's not cruel to do things that way either. For some people, it's just easier to start as you mean to go on.

There's just no way I'd be sneaking around my own house whenever I fancied a snack.

People are just trying to help. So not sure why you kicked off at the suggestion of not buying it in the first place. I never said that you did the shop but IF.

Have you asked him to eat the crisps on whatever in the next room?

The problem with DH sharing the food is that your DS has a teeny tiny stomach compared to an adult and the magnum/crisps are going to fill him up faster and of course he won't be hungry at meal time.

Have you tried explaining that to your DH?

It sounds like your DH has poor eating habits. It's not normal to snack before meals.
Is he overweight?

In this scenario I would offer a small post-nap snack to tide him over until dinner.

If the crisps and ice cream issue is happening daily, then yes I think you have a point and your husband needs to be more sensible about it.

If he's occasionally snaffling a handful of crisps with his dad at 11.45, just give him a sandwich alongside it, call it lunch, and seriously don't get overly stressed about how balanced that one meal is. And yes, I do mean don't stress if his lunch that day is mostly crisps with a bite of sandwich!

It sounds like your DH has poor eating habits. It's not normal to snack before meals.

11am is mid morning for an adult though - many won't eat lunch until 1-2pm.

I personally don't know any adult who never snacks.

YANBU OP.
All these "no foods are bad" posts get my goat a little bit.
Ok so no food is outright bad, but you aren't talking about banning all foods with sugar or fat in forever, but as you say, ice cream alone does not make for a nutritious lunch! It is about promoting a healthy, balanced diet, not pandering and allowing a child to eat nothing but sugar and fat for their staple diet. DH should absolutely be supporting you in this. Depending on the age of the child, it needs to be done through a mix of modelling and clear conversations. He needs to see healthy, balanced diets being modelled (which yes, includes sweet stuff too) but not at the exclusion of eating his other food groups. Maybe after a meal is ok as you can emphasise that DH has eaten a balanced meal, but I think for general snacking through the day, it is not unreasonable to not want your toddler taunted with foods that are going to add nothing to his nutritional needs for the day but fill him up so he refuses his meal. It is frankly ridiculous to suggest otherwise.

Oh come on I bet not one of these posters calling OP unreasonable would invite the wrath of their toddlers by sitting and scoffing crisps or chocolate in front of them. YANBU OP.

Also of course there’s such a thing as good foods and bad foods. Denying this fact is probably why kids are so fat these days.