To want DH to stop eating unhealthy food in front of toddler?

[Eatingunhealthily]

When DH eats something that isn’t great like an ice cream or crisps or similar our DS inevitably starts clamouring for some, which means he either ends up with something toddlers really shouldn’t eat or we have screaming tantrums.

I know it sounds overly fussy but DS has quite a poor appetite and it doesn’t take much to put him off a meal. A handful of crisps and he will barely touch his dinner.

I’m not asking DH not to eat these things just not to eat them in front of DS. AIBU?

Give him his lunch and then a same amount of ice cream for pudding. As an occasional treat it's fine. A few crisps with his lunch wouldn't spoil his appetite, would it?

And I wonder who is the one having to deal with the tantrums after the DH has given the child snacks or not given them to him.

Not the DH I’d like to bet.

Surely there is a balance here between giving a child snacks before mealtimes and letting him have them as a snack between meals.

If the DH knows that he refuses to eat his dinner if he’s had crisps beforehand, then of course he’s unreasonable to essentially taunt him with them. It sends the message that “I’m having crisps but you can’t have any.” Is it really such a hardship for the DH to not snack in front of a picky toddler before lunch or to exercise some self restraint himself before mealtimes?

Perhaps if the snacks were fruit or veg sticks that would help.Why do adults need snacks before main meals?

DH is a grown adult who can wait until after his child has eaten lunch to have a snack! I'm quite surprised so many people think that is unreasonable or some terrible hardship. Doesn't DH care if DS doesn't have anything proper to eat for lunch?

@GhostFromTheOtherSide thats exactly it! To be fair he isn’t taunting him purposefully he just doesn’t think, he’ll just come ambling through with a packet of monster munch and he can have monster munch whenever he likes but please just go into another room, that’s literally all I’m asking!

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy if I were trying to model a healthy balanced diet and someone was eating daily snacks of crisps and ice cream. I'm surprised by many responses. I agree that you can't and shouldn't control what another adult eats but it should be a joint effort/agreement.

I don't think having the odd ice-cream or bag of crisps IS a bad habit, though.

Eating ice-cream and crisps in moderation alongside healthy meals is an excellent habit to model to a small child IMO.

He doesn't have to share with DS, though.

They can just say "No DS, you're having your lunch soon so no snacks". Just because DH is eating, doesn't mean DS has to eat at the same time.

But he can have that stuff? A couple of crisps is hardly a disaster 🤷‍♀️ (although apparently it is). Or if it's something I really don't want DD to have, I get her one of her own snacks to have alongside. She's always been happy with that!

And there are lots of situations where a child can't have or do what an adult is doing or even what another child is doing or eating. That's life. I don't let her drink my beer or a glass of wine either, sometimes I eat when she doesn't, and vice versa. I genuinely don't get the angst about it but she is quite an easygoing kid I suppose!

Just because DH is eating, doesn't mean DS has to eat at the same time.

I actually think that would be really mean! I can't imagine eating a tasty snack in front of a toddler who isn't allowed any.

@Hugasauras any more nasty side swipes you want to make at a 19 month old?

YANBU. Me and DH have our unhealthy treats while DS is napping or after he’s gone to bed. Or we sneak off to the kitchen to snaffle them in peace.

There’s no need for toddlers to have unhealthy foods. Obviously when there’s older siblings/cousins having treats or at parties etc, fine, we wouldn’t leave him out.

But we’re trying to hold off for as long as we can. I don’t see why you wouldn’t.

Yes, Hug - but also no adult needs snacks at a time you don’t want your child to eat - you can either wait, or make a better effort to coordinate mealtimes with when your kid eats. In the OP’s situation, there’s no reason why her DH can’t just … not eat a Magnum at a different time. He won’t starve!

I don't think having the odd ice-cream or bag of crisps IS a bad habit, though.

Eating ice-cream and crisps in moderation alongside healthy meals is an excellent habit to model to a small child IMO.

Yeah - but eat the ice cream after lunch, or when you know it won’t fuck up the toddler’s meals/eating. That’s all. It’s not terrible. No adult needs to eat a bag of crisps at 11am, or a Magnum at 4pm.

You're clearly getting quite stressed about so I won't post any more. All I will say is that this kind of stress about eating inevitably causes more problems than it solves, really. Hiding away to eat stuff, all this stress about whether he's eating enough of his cheese sandwich, a solitary bite of Magnum being a disaster.

And yes I quite often have a snack when DD doesn't and vice versa. We are individuals, we don't need to coordinate when we are hungry or always do things at the same time. I don't think that's usual but perhaps I'm on the wrong side of it!

Okay, so what happens when DS goes to nursery/school and other children have different items in their packed lunches to him? Or bring different snacks for break?

Is he going to tantrum because Freddie has a banana and Josie has an orange but he only has an apple? Is he going to tantrum because daddy has a glass of wine and he can only have water with dinner?

Surely at some point he needs to learn he can't always have what other people are eating and drinking without throwing a tantrum about it?

No, but life isn't just about needs - it can be about wants too.

If DH fancies a bag of crisps at 11am, he should (as a grown adult) be allowed to have them.

Yes… at some point. He’s not going to be 19 months old when he goes to school.

If it’s half a big magnum, that is totally different to the one bite you said! I did take you literally and responded as such. That much would ruin most kids appetites if they had it right before lunch so I totally see your point now. DH should be able to wait until after DH’s lunch and then they can share it. Or he can have it during nap time and not share.

No, but he's not going to learn overnight. It has to start early and in the home IMO, otherwise he'll go to nursery/school expecting to have what everyone else has because that's what happens at home.

No, he might not be going to school anytime soon, but most children are in some form of childcare at 19 months and free nursery hours start (for some) at two years old, and lots of nurseries have packed lunches and children eating different things.

I really don't think there's anything wrong with telling a child "no, you can't have X just because daddy has it" but according to some on here, it's tantamount to child abuse!

Indeed. But when you’re a parent, some of being a good parent is putting your own wants aside if your child’s needs are greater.

In this instance, the child needs to eat a nutritious lunch. The father wants to eat crisps when he feels like it. His wants are impacting on his child’s need. He should adapt.

Temporarily- it’s probably a phase. But it wouldn’t do him any harm to change his eating habits generally.

No one’s suggesting he should never consume an ice cream in the presence of a child ever again. Just he could make a small change that would be helpful to his very small child.

Why have you asked if YABU? Were you looking for ammunition to throw at DP and prove you were right? You have argued with posters who have suggested you might be. Most people have suggested moderation - and there have been useful tips from people who've dealt with this themselves. But in the end it's your child and your DP.

I am actually not stressed at all, @Hugasauras , I just think that line that ‘she (your DD) is quite easy going I suppose’ was a really nasty little swipe at a toddler.

DS is as easygoing as any toddler. He just doesn’t understand why daddy is eating something that he can’t have.

But the dad eating crisps wouldn't stop the child eating a nutritious lunch if he didn't give in and share.

Just tell DS no.