To want DH to stop eating unhealthy food in front of toddler?

[Eatingunhealthily]

When DH eats something that isn’t great like an ice cream or crisps or similar our DS inevitably starts clamouring for some, which means he either ends up with something toddlers really shouldn’t eat or we have screaming tantrums.

I know it sounds overly fussy but DS has quite a poor appetite and it doesn’t take much to put him off a meal. A handful of crisps and he will barely touch his dinner.

I’m not asking DH not to eat these things just not to eat them in front of DS. AIBU?

To be fair you are coming across as quite stressed and they hyperbole,doesn’t help. I doubt the poster was making a nasty swipe at your child

food shouldn’t be a battle ground and you need to learn to say no to your kid and something” like after lunch “ not hide food.

He just doesn’t understand why daddy is eating something that he can’t have.

and as parents you need to get him used to that. There are plenty of things adults can do , say and habe he can’t. He needs to learn this early.

This. And demonising any food or banishing DH to another room to consume said foods will give your toddler a complex about food and eating. Quit it.

If the toddler will genuinely refuse his dinner because he's had a bite of magnum or a few crisps, just tell him "no" when he asks and deal with the tantrum separately. He might be young but surely at some point he needs to learn he can't have something just because his dad is having it?

or his Dad needs to step up and start being a decent role model instead of constantly eating crap in front of his child.

MN is utter madness at times. Perhaps if everyone taught their kids about about better nutrition there wouldn’t be such an obesity problem. But you can’t possibly let them think ice cream and crisps are bad,
apparently.

Although heaven forbid you give them squash to drink.

And it's your job to teach him.

There are always going to be adults or other children who have things he can't have. He needs to learn the meaning of "no". You can't just practise avoidance simply because it makes your life easier short-term - it won't do him any favours as he grows up.

But they aren’t bad in moderation and as part of a healthy diet.

Food is food, none of it morally “good” or “bad”. Perhaps your conversation needs to be around the snacks close to meal times rather than the actual content of the snack.

I don't think having the odd ice-cream or bag of crisps IS a bad habit, though.

Eating ice-cream and crisps in moderation alongside healthy meals is an excellent habit to model to a small child IMO

Im pretty sure if the OP has been driven to MN this is happening more than occasionally.

Op what will you do at playgroup. Soft play, nursery , school if another kid has crisps or buttons and your kid wants them ?

do you understand why it’s imperative that your child is taught he can’t have everything he wants and the trick is not to hide things?

you need to teach him as otherwise you’re doing him no favours and have a shit load of trouble coming your way as he gets older.

This thread is a bit batshit. Literally all the advice on healthy eating is to limit availability of processed food - and crisps and Magnums, whilst delicious and part of a balanced diet, and not ‘bad’ or anything are squarely in that category. Yet if a father is asked to think about how and when he eats this stuff it’s somehow grossly unrealistic and unfair. And a toddler will never learn ‘no’ if you make an adaptation to habits to smooth life a little bit.

Batshit.

I'm on your side OP.
Its basic common sense not to be eating ice cream or crisps in front of a kid half an hour before dinner.
Maybe your DH is doing it on purpose so the toddler 'likes' him more.

Which the OP agrees with! But he's not getting a balance because he has a tiny appetite which is saited by a bite or two if anything else.

@Eatingunhealthily I totally get where you're coming from. Your DH should want better for his DS! Surely he can see for himself the negative impact it has! Day to day, surely DH can 'go without' or go in the garden, she'd, bedroom.. he doesn't need to be eating crap where DS is. Ice cream
in the sea front, I'd just get DS a mini ice cream & offer him real food as well, his choice to eat it or not.

You do understand this child has to leave the house and will see others eating these foods right?

Plenty of time & opportunity to teach that, an un necessary lesson day after day, at home with Daddy. Teaching him Daddy doesn't share is not a nice lesson to learn. There's enough opportunity for that with other items -coffee, beer, nuts etc

I think the unhealthy food is a bit of a red herring in one aspect. The partner is actively doing a thing that causes tantrums and making life difficult, whereas almost every other parent is trying to accomplish the opposite - distracting their toddlers from tantrum triggers so everyone can have some peace.

What is the partners issue here? I don’t know any mothers who’d trot out crisps and ice cream just before lunch and let their toddlers fill up on it.

I can see why people think YABU and to be honest I did too for a moment to begin with, but sometimes with a toddler you really do just have to adapt and try unconventional things to make life easier for everyone. And in this case, it’s not just about an easy life - you have valid nutrition concerns.

Can he really say in good faith he thinks it’s clever to show a 19m their favourite crisps and ice cream just before a meal?

Whereas I think teaching a lesson like that on a daily basis, at home is exactly the right thing to do, as it just makes it a normal part of life.

It's not about "daddy doesn't share" it's about DS learning that "no means no" and that he can't tantrum to get his way. It's not always appropriate for a child to share what someone else has (for a whole number of reasons) - whether we're talking about coffee, beer, nuts or a bag of crisps is irrelevant, really.

Agree with pp this thread is batshit. Op is supposed to train her toddler not to expect to eat crisps, ice cream etc while her dh munches happily away on all kinds of crap in front of him. The dh needs to give up eating crap, consume it away from the dc, or produce it after meals and share a little with the child. Yes a toddler needs to learn no, but when he is a poor eater anyway eating crap in front of him isn't the way to do it. And how can a small child learn that there is a time and place for eating snack foods if his father hasn't learned it yet.

There's nothing in the thread to suggest the DH does that - the OP hasn't commented on the frequency or variety of the food.

Also I find people who use really descriptive terms about eating ("munches happily away") have issues around food.

We have the same situation with our toddler. Any adult with a snack eats it in another room. I’m not giving half of my post run almond croissant to her, no bloody way.

YANBU - As a parent to an 8 month old I know how they watch when we eat things, and they want it! It's OK at the minute but as DS gets older I'm sure he'll be trying to grab it and learn tantrums. Better to eat out of sight of toddler.

I'd train Dad to eat carrot sticks in front of toddler.

Mumsnet at its bat shit finest. Posters on the site frequently talk about how mcdonalds is evil, their child only drinks water and milk until they are 15 and their kids only eat organic veggies because fruit has far too much sugar.
Then when a poster has a reasonable argument that an adult man should be modelling healthy eating habits in front of his child, suddenly theres no such thing as bad foods, op should just let her toddler eat icecream and crisps instead of lunch and now shes going to give him an eating disorder 🤣👌

There is such a thing as good and bad food. It has nowt to do with morals.

Good food= nutritious, healthy, benefits the body and mind.

Bad foods= unhealthy junk with zero nutritional value that long term in large quantities can cause sickness and disability.

So baffling people saying its fine to eat things in front of kids that they cant have. Now that is unhealthy and strange behaviour. So if you went out with your kids and got yourself an ice-cream but not them thats ok? If you get yourself an alcoholic drink you dont give them a non alcoholic drink? If you have a treat food then its weird as hell to eat it in front of a child and deny them it too. Cruel in fact.

It doesn't sound like the issue is 'just before dinner' though? OP said 11ish which is a normal time for an adult to want a mid morning snack and an hourish before a toddler's lunch?
Short term if you're having a bad day, of course DH should go eat elsewhere. Long term though, that isn't going to help so if it's a 'normal' day then it's a good chance to get DS used to not having everything everyone else has.
If he has that small an appetite, grazing with snacks will probably be helpful overall. So could you ask DH to always take DS a healthy snack at the same time so he can say 'no this one is Daddy's snack, this one is yours'. Then he learns he can't always have what Daddy has, but he has something and you can make sure it is something nutritious.
It might help short term if the special toddler snacks were similar to Daddy's 'grown up' snack e.g. you could freeze Greek yoghurt in an ice lolly mould so he has an 'ice cream' or do little packets of breadsticks instead of crisps?

YANBU. If I have a treat, DS gets one too - you can’t just munch on a bar of chocolate while they watch in despair 😂 on rare occasions when I know DS has had enough crap and I still want some I eat treats on the sly. But seriously, if you’re eating more treats than you’re willing to give to your kids, you’re eating too much shit yourself. Is your DH overweight?

I understand OP. My son has recently turned one and is very interested in eating what I’m eating so I’ve had to replace biscuits and crisp snacks with fruit or similar in front of him as I’m conscious of creating unhealthy habits. Chocolate is smuggled into the bedroom and consumed once he’s in bed nowadays.