To want DH to stop eating unhealthy food in front of toddler?

[Eatingunhealthily]

When DH eats something that isn’t great like an ice cream or crisps or similar our DS inevitably starts clamouring for some, which means he either ends up with something toddlers really shouldn’t eat or we have screaming tantrums.

I know it sounds overly fussy but DS has quite a poor appetite and it doesn’t take much to put him off a meal. A handful of crisps and he will barely touch his dinner.

I’m not asking DH not to eat these things just not to eat them in front of DS. AIBU?

YANBU. DH and I have far too many junk food snacks. Our young DC are oblivious to this for all the obvious reasons. It's easy to hide it from them at this age (and still give the occasional treat).

I’d just have DH share a bite or two if the toddler clamours for some.
You don’t want to set up disordered eating by classifying regular snack foods as “bad” or “shouldn’t eat”- ice cream, crisps are perfectly fine in a balanced heathy diet.

Foods shouldn't be labelled as good or bad, you will create an unhealthy relationship with food. A couple of crisps of fine as an afternoon snack for example but not just before tea if he's hot going to then eat much.

This is what we do. The fact that nothings off limits means that DS generally regulates what he eats. Alternatively, could you offer a different snack for the toddler? DS will happily eat a banana in the same circumstances and I'm not really fussed if he eats a banana rather than some of his dinner.

At mealtimes I think it's fair enough if he's eating crisps while DC is trying to eat dinner, but during the day I don't think it's feasible really.

If DS would eat a few snacks and then ate a really good lunch and dinner with plenty of veg and fruit that would be fine but he doesn’t. It’s either or. I agree about not labelling foods as good or bad but a magnum for lunch isn’t good no matter how we label it. If he was able to have a magnum and his lunch it would be different.

Why have you labelled ice cream and crisps as “something that isn’t great”? Labelling specific and particular foods as “not allowed”, or never to be seen being eaten - will carry consequences for your toddler.

I say this as the mother of a 2 year old and a 6 year old.

This.

So you would honestly be okay with ice cream for lunch and crisps for dinner? That would not be ‘bad’ for you?

But he can have a bite of DH’s magnum surely? Or you can get the mini-magnums.

Also, kids are weird. I've had some success with putting dessert on the plate with the meal. It takes the pressure off. A few times she's said she's finished after eating half her meal, has been given an ice cream while the leftovers are still on the table, eaten that and then gone back to inhale the rest of the shepherd's pie or whatever. If DS wants some of Daddy's ice cream/crisps etc, could you just say "yes, ok, I'll add it to your dinner plate" and do that?

Yes labelling foods as good or bad isn't great. We don't do that, so our kids get the odd bit of chocolate/cake/icecream/whatever and that's fine and we eat biscuits while they're distracted with the TV .

But if dad is constantly digging into ice cream and crisps while they're supposed to be eating dinner or lunch, and they want the magnum rather than lunch because it tastes better. Well then you're going to have to start conversations around healthier foods.

Easier to try to only eat in front of them if you're happy for them to have it too.

When would the child ever be eating a full magnum for lunch though?

Honestly, I have 2 older kids and I thinking making certain foods, foods that need to be hidden away to eat is not a good idea.

@Discovereads he has a very poor appetite. A bite of magnum and he won’t eat lunch, or have an even smaller portion of an already small portion.

He will eat just about anything but some foods are more nutritious than others. I genuinely don’t see what there is to be gained from giving him junk and filling him up so that he can’t eat fish, chicken, veg etc.

It would be different if he had a voracious appetite and would eat a bit of ice cream and then have tomato pasta and some strawberries and then some crisps and a roast dinner but he just doesn’t.

But how does the toddler know that's all he's having for lunch or dinner unless you're all say round the table and he's eating a magnum whilst you're both having spag bol for example? If he just sees your DH having an ice cream thats different.

Sounds like it’s more about timing than eating something in front of him

So you would honestly be okay with ice cream for lunch and crisps for dinner? That would not be ‘bad’ for you?

No one has said this everyone has said that they're fine as part of a balanced diet.

I’m with you OP. I’ve never bought into the idea that there are no ‘bad’ foods. There are. Yes they are eaten occasionally, but it doesn’t make them good for you. It makes them ‘treats’, because yeah, they taste nice. You’re not being unreasonable and I’d be irritated if my husband was triggering a tantrum by eating such foods in front of him if you’d decided he couldn’t have them.

But it’s not a balanced diet if your child then refuses their healthy lunch because they had an unhealthy snack. That’s actually the opposite of balanced.

Thanks @W0tnow i just don’t think it’s that big an ask to go to a different room or to wait a bit!

If you're doing the grocery shop, stop buying the junk.

I DH is sat in front of DS eating an ice cream whilst he’s been served a healthy meal then you have a point. Otherwise I think you’re stabbing in the dark as to why your toddler is an annoying fussbot at meal times (hint it’s because he’s a toddler). Most of them can be like this and it won’t be because Daddy had crisps 2 hours ago and gave him 2, that’ll almost certainly be a coincidence.

I agree with you OP. All foods are fine as part of a balanced diet, but it seems the problem is that the small handful of crisps, which might make up a small percentage of another toddler's diet, with your son's appetite becomes a much greater percentage of his diet. What does your husband feel about your son refusing to eat his main meals due to the additional snacks he offers?

I can see the logic in bringing a toddler up to appreciate that there is treat food which is eaten occasionally. It all depends on how often your dh eats magnums, crisps etc. If it's a regular occurrence in front of a toddler then I think it's a problem. I agree with those who stress the importance of not classifying food as good or bad but many adults do not eat well or exercise the control which allows them to eat the occasional snack or treat.

So if he has one bite of a magnum, he will refuse his entire lunch?
I have to agree then it is more about timing. Is your DH having ice cream and crisps for lunch? Because if it were a snack between meals, it beggars belief that a single bite of ice cream at 10am means a child refusing lunch at 12pm?

If the issue is timing as in DH eating ice cream or crisps at 11:45 and lunch is at noon, then the way you deal with that is tell the toddler, yes you can have a few crisps with your lunch or an ice cream too after you’ve had your lunch….