To want DH to stop eating unhealthy food in front of toddler?

[Eatingunhealthily]

When DH eats something that isn’t great like an ice cream or crisps or similar our DS inevitably starts clamouring for some, which means he either ends up with something toddlers really shouldn’t eat or we have screaming tantrums.

I know it sounds overly fussy but DS has quite a poor appetite and it doesn’t take much to put him off a meal. A handful of crisps and he will barely touch his dinner.

I’m not asking DH not to eat these things just not to eat them in front of DS. AIBU?

The OP has clearly said he won't eat both. If he has the ice cream/crisps he won't eat his lunch/dinner, so for this specific child it is one or the other.

One bite of a Magnum and he doesn't eat anything for lunch? If that's the case can't you just push lunch or tea to a slightly later time even if it means reheating the food?
It's not unreasonable to ask your DH not to snack in front of the toddler though. Do you all eat at the same time? If so he shouldn't be snacking just before a meal anyway.

Wow, seriously?! It’s now my fault because I of course do the grocery shopping and my husband never steps foot in a garage or a co op or corner shop, ever!

@toastofthetown thats exactly it, I wouldn’t really care if he was the sort of child who ate loads although I suppose that could potentially be a different problem but if he’s not hungry he just won’t eat. Which is good but can lead to problems!

Exactly, I have two DC with ASD and they have always been the king and queen of fussy eaters. When they were toddlers had no idea they had ASD, and tbh it was a struggle to get them to eat healthily. Even NT toddlers have been known to be fussy and hard to please when it comes to eating as well.

While yes, I agree with people not calling things bad etc, of course there has to be a line drawn that they're not as healthy and to be eaten in moderation and if OP's husband is standing there eating ice cream while the child has a dinner in front of them of course they're going to be thinking but why can daddy just have ice cream?

Op is your dh stood eating an ice cream at meal times?

or do you believe that your child having a pick of ice cream, mid afternoon stops them eating their dinner?

Mumsnet is so loopy. One minute it’s child abuse to give a penguin biscuit in a lunch box, and a handful of sunflower seeds are a treat the next moment a magnum for lunch is entirely normal and acceptable. Realistically there are ‘bad’ foods. Obviously we shouldn’t call them that but there are foods and drinks we can and should eat every day (veg, milk, water etc) and foods we shouldn’t eat lots of (ice cream, crisps, chocolate). If op had said ‘my DH drinks 10 cans of coca cola and now my toddler drinks that instead of water nobody would be scrambling to say ‘there are no good and bad drinks! Don’t label the drinks or you’ll cause issues.’ They’d be saying ‘he should be modeling healthy eating and drinking around mealtimes.’ Which he should. I wouldn’t encourage my kids to be eating crisps and ice cream before lunch because it’s unhealthy and their main meal should be healthy and filling foods. Not loading up on junk. And I’m quite relaxed, I do allow snacks and treats, but not everyday in replacement of meals.

I’d speak to him and ask him to ensure this isn’t happening so much or ask him to include these snacks in mealtimes - a small ice cream for dessert rather than before a meal.

I don't think you can tell a grown man when/where he's allowed to eat snacks in his own home.

If the toddler will genuinely refuse his dinner because he's had a bite of magnum or a few crisps, just tell him "no" when he asks and deal with the tantrum separately. He might be young but surely at some point he needs to learn he can't have something just because his dad is having it?

@Rosebel it’s not that simple, as he still naps. So let’s say Dh comes in with a bag of crisps at 11 and DS ends up sharing them and then nibbles at a quarter of a cheese sandwich it’s then nap time and then he wakes at 2. He is very grumpy after nap time for a good forty five minutes so won’t eat (or drink) and then if I gave him lunch it would spoil dinner!

It is tricky, it’s a phase I think.

DS isn’t exactly a fussy eater. There’s nothing he doesn’t eat because he dislikes it, he just has a small appetite and isn’t the sort of child who eats when not hungry. So if he is not hungry as someone just shared a magnum with him he will not eat!

Then it’s not about hiding, it’s about timing. I think asking dh to not eat around him and share food close to a meal time is fine.

asking him to hide anytime he has food labelled ‘unhealthy’ isn’t fine, imo.

Its 2 different things.

But you may find he continues to pick and hardly eat a lot of the time anyway.

Op have you seem your gp or health visitor. It’s concerning that one bite of a magnum means he won’t eat any lunch and his appetie Is that small.where is he percentile wise for his age for length and weight?

So don't share snacks with him then. If he asks, say "no, it's nearly lunchtime" or "no, you won't eat your tea if you have an ice-cream now". If he tantrums, so be it. He's a toddler and that's what toddlers do.

He needs (at some point) to learn he can't have everything daddy has just because he asks for it. It won't hurt him to hear "no - that's for daddy".

I just don't think it's very feasible for life not to be able to snack in front of your child, really. I really doubt one or two crisps is filling him up, so he's probably just not eating because hey, toddler!

If one crisp really means he won't eat his meal then I think that's the problem in itself, not whether he's getting given one or not. If that's really the case he must be quite underweight? As one or two crisps in lieu of a meal isn't really sustainable.

people Saying oh it’s about timing - yes, partly. So I am asking DH not to snack in front of toddler. Reasonable an hour before lunch or dinner?

DS is healthy and fine, small but in proportion. I don’t think he would be if he ate ice cream and crisps instead of fish, chicken, broccoli, potatoes, tomatoes - I’m sorry, I don’t.

And oh eat what you want and let him tantrum, is it honestly such a hardship to go to another room to avoid this?

I haven’t said one crisp though, he ends up sharing the packet, sharing the magnum. It’s like dummies which I had a job to wean him off as when he saw a dummy he wanted one. If he doesn’t see them he isn’t bothered. Exactly the same with junk food.

You said one bite of magnum

This is the crux of it. I don't think the OP is really that fussed about the labelling it's that if her son has a handful of crisps that's lunch/dinner out the window. YANBU.

But you said 'A bite of magnum and he won’t eat lunch', which does seem extreme. Does it happen regularly for it to be an issue? Or is it the kind of thing that happens a couple of times a week so in the grand scheme doesn't matter that much?

I think it's fine to ask him not to eat snacks just before lunch or dinner, but it seems a bit much to ask him to remove himself to have a packet of crisps an hour or two before the actual meal. Maybe he can just share less?

Your child still naps. Your DH, as an adult, is easily able to wait to eat an ice cream or crisps. And as a parent, he should want the best for his son.

Of course it’s not unreasonable to expect him to be a team on this. What kind of arsehole would refuse? What’s his reasoning not to wait a bit?

Your DH is a grown adult and should be able to eat a packet of crisps or an ice-cream between his meals without being told to go elsewhere, though.

So yes, I do think it's unreasonable to ask him to go elsewhere because you don't want your son to have a tantrum. It's not about it being a hardship - it's about your DS needing to accept that he can't always have what he wants and learning to accept "no" as the answer.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. Snacking in between meals is so weird and unhealthy, as well as not setting a good example to your ds whether he shares the snack or not. surely your dh can just cut it out, he should care about your ds too and from what you’ve written it sounds like he doesn’t and sees it as your problem.

I’ve looked back and I did, I don’t think I literally meant that though

So yes, I do think it's unreasonable to ask him to go elsewhere because you don't want your son to have a tantrum. It's not about it being a hardship - it's about your DS needing to accept that he can't always have what he wants and learning to accept "no" as the answer.

Modelling good habits is much much more important than ‘do as I say’ parenting.

I just don't think it's very feasible for life not to be able to snack in front of your child, really.

Why not? Genuinely? If it’s snack time eat something the kid can have too. Otherwise - don’t. Seems feasible to me.