My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To be so glad my family aren't doing presents for adults for xmas this year?

103 replies

Noodge · 25/09/2022 06:58

Some of my friends I have mentioned it to think we're real killjoys, missing out etc and I am beginning to wonder if they're right and perhaps xmas may feel a bit 'flat' without gifts?

There is nobody under 20 in our family now.

We've decided to not buy one another anything, cards only.

I am so relieved. Reasons including, none of us bloody need anything and if we did, we'd just go and buy it!

We all get stressed out trying to buy the 'perfect' present for one another. We often buy piles and piles of them for each person!

It takes up time and energy.

To be fair to us, we don't buy 'tat' and most things are well received and get used but still, It's still stuff we don't particularly need, spending money we don't need to, time we're better spending doing other things.

Does anyone else do this, I am sure I've seen it mentioned on previous threads.
I am wondering if perhaps I should suggest that instead of 'no presents' It's 'only edible ones (food/booze)? Or only one present under £20?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

153 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
14%
You are NOT being unreasonable
86%
Nonametomorrow · 25/09/2022 07:01

What about secret Santa? That way everyone gets something to open.
We do secret Santa for adults and spend about £40-50 so the person gets something nice (not a crappy secret Santa that one would normally think of).

Less waste, less panic buying.

DreamingofItaly2023 · 25/09/2022 07:01

If you and your family are happy then don’t worry about what others say. If you are concerned that it will be flat then a secret Santa could be an idea.

Runningslow · 25/09/2022 07:01

Do you mean siblings/ nieces & nephews or adult children ? I think it’s a shame if it’s your own children, but not if it’s siblings etc.

speakout · 25/09/2022 07:03

My kids are over 20, I like to treat them at christmas time. It wouldn't feel right to give them only a card.

BillHadersLeftEye · 25/09/2022 07:05

I'd love NO presents. That would be the dream. We have an adult secret santa with a wish list here on one side. - £40 limit. The other side of the family, haven't done adult presents in a few years and it's been great. Focusing on time together not stuff.

PlantDoctor · 25/09/2022 07:07

We also do secret Santa with adults on either side of the family. It works brilliantly and everyone has something to open when we get together.

BuffaloCauliflower · 25/09/2022 07:07

We’ve stopped doing adult presents on my side the last couple of years. We have a whole new generation of kids now who we buy for, and none of us adults are that bothered
about presents we just want to enjoy Christmas and be together.

BuffaloCauliflower · 25/09/2022 07:08

Adults still buy for their adult children, but not others (we’re a pretty big family)

MumCanIDoThat · 25/09/2022 07:11

Yanbu, I don't buy for adults except parents. You're an adult, go buy your own present! We buy for kids only.

MsTSwift · 25/09/2022 07:12

I agree but that’s quite full on to have nothing - what will you open in the day? We do secret Santa for adults so everyone buys and receives one present. Done for years works really well.

MsTSwift · 25/09/2022 07:13

Yes buffet about £40-50 for the single present

MsTSwift · 25/09/2022 07:14

Budget! Though buffets feature too

CornishTiger · 25/09/2022 07:14

This sounds great. Maybe a family shopping day in the sales with the money saved will be a nice way to get a treat boost and time together. Or book in for a show or experience.

hattie43 · 25/09/2022 07:15

I'd hate a no present Christmas. I love choosing things , wrapping etc and seeing people love what they're given .

Each to their own but a magical part would be missing I think

Persephoned · 25/09/2022 07:20

We do adult (not so) secret Santa so everyone gets one decent gift. No children in the family tho.

But if you’ve decided what to do and you’re all happy I don’t see why you’d change from what you’ve all decided!

LeafHunter · 25/09/2022 07:22

We do Amazon wish lists so you know what you’re buying is needed/wanted. Saves all the speculating and asking someone and makes it very straightforward. This year we’re doing secret Santa and just buying for one adult but until then we bought for everyone.

BarbaraofSeville · 25/09/2022 07:25

YANBU at all. Whatever people say, it's pointless for adults with their own money who can generally buy their own things within reason.

You either have to tell people what to buy you, which means it's not a present as you've done your own thinking. Or you end up having to use, wear or display something that might not be right for you. Or you end up with the job of getting rid of it, so there's the guilt about waste etc.

But if you think you need the present opening 'experience' you could all buy and wrap your own presents from you to you. Then you all get to guess what other people have, talk about it, show it off etc.

But no-one ends up with something that is too cheap, too expensive, the wrong size, colour etc etc. If you have something you'd quite like but are struggling to justify to yourself then you could get that.

NeedMoMoney · 25/09/2022 07:27

Nonametomorrow · 25/09/2022 07:01

What about secret Santa? That way everyone gets something to open.
We do secret Santa for adults and spend about £40-50 so the person gets something nice (not a crappy secret Santa that one would normally think of).

Less waste, less panic buying.

Yes! Our family did one last year and it was great! Do secret Santa it brings out the Christmas fun without the all the hastle!! ☺️

DappledThings · 25/09/2022 07:28

My side of the family have done no presents for adults for about 20 years except goats. It's just so much more relaxing, I love it.

Last year PIL suggested we do the same which was great.

Rinatinabina · 25/09/2022 07:28

We don’t to presents for adults generally. All of us are able to purchase what we actually want. I can never think of anything I want or need, it would be buying just for the sake of it in my case. But I get that some people get a lot of joy from giving and receiving gifts.

I would book a show or something instead though, just to do something together.

BarbaraofSeville · 25/09/2022 07:29

hattie43 · 25/09/2022 07:15

I'd hate a no present Christmas. I love choosing things , wrapping etc and seeing people love what they're given .

Each to their own but a magical part would be missing I think

You like it, but the majority probably don't so it's not fair to impose what many see as a chore that is a waste of time, money and resources on others.

If you like shopping and wrapping do it for yourself and your DC and leave the rest of us in peace. Most people are probably only pretending to like the gift as nearly everyone is too polite to be honest about what they really think.

MogHog · 25/09/2022 07:32

We've done this for a few years. We still buy for our adult children but agreed with brothers, sisters and parents that we would just get each other a nice box of biscuits or chocolates. Saves us all some money and stops us all gifting things which no one really wants... looks at all the candles

gerispringer · 25/09/2022 07:34

www.drawnames.com
is a good website to organise a secret santa. You put everyone’s names in and they email you with a randomly drawn partner, you can put exclusions so you don’t get your partner, for example, and post a budget and wish list.

PermanentTemporary · 25/09/2022 07:34

We stopped doing presents for adults a long time ago and I was genuinely shocked at the reduction in stress involved. The first Christmas without them was absolutely brilliant. Tbh I love Christmas and lots of things about it but it turned out that as an adult I didn't need the presents to love it.

Bad news: presents creep back in.

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 25/09/2022 07:38

Dappledthings just curious about the goats?!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.