My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To be so glad my family aren't doing presents for adults for xmas this year?

103 replies

Noodge · 25/09/2022 06:58

Some of my friends I have mentioned it to think we're real killjoys, missing out etc and I am beginning to wonder if they're right and perhaps xmas may feel a bit 'flat' without gifts?

There is nobody under 20 in our family now.

We've decided to not buy one another anything, cards only.

I am so relieved. Reasons including, none of us bloody need anything and if we did, we'd just go and buy it!

We all get stressed out trying to buy the 'perfect' present for one another. We often buy piles and piles of them for each person!

It takes up time and energy.

To be fair to us, we don't buy 'tat' and most things are well received and get used but still, It's still stuff we don't particularly need, spending money we don't need to, time we're better spending doing other things.

Does anyone else do this, I am sure I've seen it mentioned on previous threads.
I am wondering if perhaps I should suggest that instead of 'no presents' It's 'only edible ones (food/booze)? Or only one present under £20?

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

153 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
14%
You are NOT being unreasonable
86%
KittenCatt · 25/10/2022 09:52

I think it’s perfectly reasonable if everyone is in agreement. However, I don’t think it’ll work out in many families… Including my own. In my case, I am child-free, but have 9 nieces and nephews to buy for each year. So I’d be forking out a lot of money, and not getting anything in return. It’s a bit sad really… Adults deserve presents too IMO 😊

Report
Clarich007 · 03/12/2022 10:11

I agree Noodge.
I am tentatively trying to suggest it to my (big) family. They are great and I love them dearly, but buying 20 presents is a bit much.

Report
Clarich007 · 03/12/2022 10:13

I am the same KittenCatt, childless with loads of babies and childen. It gets more every year

Report
Clarich007 · 03/12/2022 10:14

I meant childless but have loads of kids in my family obvs

Report
NadjaCravensworth · 03/12/2022 10:15

I told my family last year dont buy me anything, Im buying a charity thing (this year a couple of refuge Christmas boxes) and buy themselves something with the money they would have used on me .

My siblings have all said they are doing a charity thing instead as well so it's a total win win

Report
Planesmistakenforstars · 03/12/2022 10:32

I much prefer only doing adult presents and no kids, apart from people's own. The kids in the family get lots from their parents and grandparents. One of my siblings, my dad and grandparents wouldn't get anything otherwise and they appreciate the thought more.

Report
yoyo1234 · 03/12/2022 10:33

My side we get for children and parents. DH side for adult BIL and parents. I think thing is a farce would happily do no gifts other than for children.

Report
HerMajestysRoyalCoven · 03/12/2022 12:05

My friends and family do this, costs me a fortune as a childless singleton and I haven’t had a gift in years. It is a bit lonely but I raised it once and got told that Christmas is for kids and adults don’t need any magic.

YANBU if it works for your family obviously!

Report
speakout · 03/12/2022 12:07

I enjoy the giving aspect of christmas- as adults we give only token gifts but with some thought behind them.
The only exception is my mother who buys everyone 50 gifts each.

Report
Weepachu · 20/12/2022 13:53

My experience has been more middle/upper class people don’t do presents, or only for children. The irony is that those who can least afford it are spending loads of money, time and energy on buying presents.
I think Christmas presents should only be for children.

Report
Fairislefandango · 20/12/2022 15:27

My experience has been more middle/upper class people don’t do presents, or only for children. The irony is that those who can least afford it are spending loads of money, time and energy on buying presents.
I think Christmas presents should only be for children.


Not my experience at all. Also, Christmas presents should be for anyone who wants to exchange Christmas presents, whatever age they are.

Report
Weepachu · 20/12/2022 15:43

I think I read that the royal family exchange things like novelty socks or Christmas puddings. I guess I mean middle/upper in terms of old money/breeding. They don’t go overboard on gifts. Just my experience.

Report
bingoitsadingo · 20/12/2022 16:07

I'd be really sad to not do presents at all, but my family keep it very manageable. We're not a family that insist everyone swaps presents with everyone else so I don't buy for any extended family.

Personally I don't think "only children get gifts" is a good thing to model to kids.

Report
Largethighsbadeyes · 20/12/2022 16:15

The best bit of Christmas is gift giving imo!

I love putting thought into what to buy people and seeing their reaction. No way would it be as nice without.

So you can keep your no adult present Christmas OP.

Report
Fairislefandango · 20/12/2022 16:36

They don’t go overboard on gifts.

Fair enough. But there's a difference between not going overboard and not buying any gifts for adults. We don't go overboard with presents full stop, but everybody gets presents.

Report
halfsiesonapotnoodle · 20/12/2022 16:42

I do this with my parents and it's completely fine and a bloody relief for all the reasons you state, OP.

Report
Liveafr · 20/12/2022 17:00

I'd love that idea, unfortunately my sister and mum are over-givers, so just trying to limit them to one gift per person is enough of a battle! I don't like receiving gifts any more than I like giving: most of the things I need I already own them and most things I receive are no use for me. As I don't like having a cluttered home, I end up donating almost all of them, but I'd rather have the time spent running to shops in december and running to charities in january to relax instead. I prefer the gift of time and space rather than material gifts.

Report
speakout · 20/12/2022 17:04

Largethighsbadeyes · 20/12/2022 16:15

The best bit of Christmas is gift giving imo!

I love putting thought into what to buy people and seeing their reaction. No way would it be as nice without.

So you can keep your no adult present Christmas OP.

I agree.
All adults in our family exchange gifts, token presents for us oldies.
We have OHs family over during the festive period, and always exchange a gift- usually something small and thoughtful- sometimes food or drink.

For those who don't give what about your own adult children?

My kids are in their early 20s- I can't imagine giving them just a card.
I know they enjoy buying for me too.

Report
Loics · 20/12/2022 17:11

This is such a good idea, as long as there's a Christmas dinner who cares about presents!

Report
DappledThings · 20/12/2022 17:18

For those who don't give what about your own adult children?

My kids are in their early 20s- I can't imagine giving them just a card.
I'm 43. My parents have been giving me a card with a charity donation in it since I was 18. I love it. Zero stress. I would hate to go back to presents. PIL refuse to give me what I want (nothing or a charity gift) so I have to tolerate that. Nothing from anyone else though thank fuck.

Report
mondaytosunday · 20/12/2022 17:32

Now that my stepsons (30s) both have babies I am relieved to now skip them and just buy cute things for the babies! In the past I have struggled: theatre vouchers, flavoured vodka gift set (12 days worth), cheese board snd knife set... so much easier to buy for little kids!
Though I do like presents..I think the secret Santa or pull one name out of a hat with a decent budget is a nice idea.
I buy for my 19 and 17 year olds - couldn't imagine not! And I buy for my sisters.

Report
girlfriend44 · 20/12/2022 17:37

We haven't done presents for ages.
Anything an adult wants they can get themselves.

They know what they like also. Nine times out of ten gifts are wrong and taken back anyway so what's the point.
Christmas is better without the worry and stress of presents.
I look forward to the day everyone knocks this silliness on the head.
Most of us have what we need anyway.
The only gift we need is our health and if we have that we are rich.

Report

Newsletters you might like

Discover Exclusive Savings!

Sign up to our Money Saver newsletter now and receive exclusive deals and hot tips on where to find the biggest online bargains, tailored just for Mumsnetters.

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Parent-Approved Gems Await!

Subscribe to our weekly Swears By newsletter and receive handpicked recommendations for parents, by parents, every Sunday.

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

speakout · 20/12/2022 17:40

Anything an adult wants they can get themselves.

Last year my ( adult) daughter gave me a mason jar with small pieces of paper inside.
On the lid was a label saying " 50 reasons why I love you" she had written them herself.

Not sure doing that for myself would have the same impact.

Report
Lelophants · 20/12/2022 17:43

I’d personally find it a bit depressing! I like to spend lots of time thinking of special things to get someone - often things they would never normally buy themselves.

Report
user764329056 · 20/12/2022 17:46

As a child, Christmas used to be a time of excitement at getting something you’d wanted for months and the anticipation made it magical. We live in different times, people buy (mostly) what they want year round, the instant gratification generation, so really presents at Christmas to me have lost their sparkle

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.