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AIBU?

To be so glad my family aren't doing presents for adults for xmas this year?

103 replies

Noodge · 25/09/2022 06:58

Some of my friends I have mentioned it to think we're real killjoys, missing out etc and I am beginning to wonder if they're right and perhaps xmas may feel a bit 'flat' without gifts?

There is nobody under 20 in our family now.

We've decided to not buy one another anything, cards only.

I am so relieved. Reasons including, none of us bloody need anything and if we did, we'd just go and buy it!

We all get stressed out trying to buy the 'perfect' present for one another. We often buy piles and piles of them for each person!

It takes up time and energy.

To be fair to us, we don't buy 'tat' and most things are well received and get used but still, It's still stuff we don't particularly need, spending money we don't need to, time we're better spending doing other things.

Does anyone else do this, I am sure I've seen it mentioned on previous threads.
I am wondering if perhaps I should suggest that instead of 'no presents' It's 'only edible ones (food/booze)? Or only one present under £20?

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Am I being unreasonable?

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midgetastic · 25/09/2022 08:13

It's a great idea - focus on the meaning of Christmas, showing love and care for your family doesn't need phyiscal gifts

I can not recollect and gift bought by a now dead relative - I remember spending time with them

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TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/09/2022 08:13

My family has done this for the last few years and although I was dubious at first, I find it a massive relief. Children still get presents and the odd book or bottle of wine is given, but the truth is we are hard to buy for and not particularly gifted gift buyers so presents were always hit and miss. We do the big family Christmas and gifts were always a bit of an afterthought for the adults.

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ExtraJalapenos · 25/09/2022 08:15

I forgot to add. We do a bottle of vodka/rum/ whatever spirits for the adults as a token gift when giving kids their presents

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Ccoffee · 25/09/2022 08:16

I can see why families with kids would like this - multiple presents for their kids from wider family, plus if 2 parents probably the parents give each other gifts and if the kids are old enough, they get their parent(s) something.

Not so great for childless aunties and uncles, or grandparents, who will be paying out for multiple children and not receiving anything. Receiving gifts isn't the be all and end all but it's pretty miserable to receive nothing at all at Christmas. Secret Santa seems a good solution for the adults.

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BrutusMcDogface · 25/09/2022 08:27

Ccoffee- we all give gifts to the two adult siblings of ours who don’t have kids. It truly isn’t fair otherwise.

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vdbfamily · 25/09/2022 08:29

We have done a secret Santa for years with a £20 limit. Now we have no kids left we have changed it. Basically we each spend up to £20 on ourselves on something we want and wrap it in brown paper and the parcels all go into a pile.
Everyone takes a parcel and first person opens it. Everyone has to guess who the gift belongs to and whoever they decide, that person then hold the gift and opens the one they had. You continue until all gifts open and then everyone with the correct gift stands up( usually very few on first round) so you then have to continue guessing and moving gifts around until everyone had what they bought.
It is very fun as those who are competitive will but odd things to put people off the scent. My mum was the hardest last year as had bought a camping stove( never camped a day in her life) She thought it would be useful in a power cut.

The reason this game works so well is that we are a. big family and usually have at least one day where we all get together. 23 of us.

It can also be made a competition oldies against offspring to see what group takes the most round to guess. Piles of gifts have to be kept separate for this. IE all the younger ones gifts are distributed to the younger ones and adults dictate as each one is opened, who they think had bought it.

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MumCanIDoThat · 25/09/2022 08:33

I absolutely loathe gift buying. I never know what someone might like. Hate it. Luckily we don't do presents. Anyway do people all sit together and open up gifts? I can understand watching children open up gifts, but grown adults all waiting to open up gifts together?

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BarbaraofSeville · 25/09/2022 08:36

Not so great for childless aunties and uncles, or grandparents, who will be paying out for multiple children and not receiving anything

Well this childless auntie really doesn't care about not receiving presents, I'd rather that than what currently happens, where I end up with a pile of stuff I don't want because MIL is of the 'quantity not quality' mindset so always buys everyone 3 presents each, 2 of which are utter tat like twee signs or coasters etc.

Or DSis who knows I like booze and buys that, but doesn't seem to realise I don't like the sweet pink versions of everything that she does.

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Darbs76 · 25/09/2022 08:38

I’d love that. I’m going to suggest for my mum & eldest we go on a trip together and no gifts. I hate Christmas shopping, gives me so much stress and I know my mum feels the same

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crossstitchingnana · 25/09/2022 08:39

We only buy for those we see on the day, then only small tokens (think £10.) In my family we also stop buying for nieces and nephews after they turn 18, Christmas and birthday.

Works for us.

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TedMullins · 25/09/2022 08:43

I have a tiny family - no siblings or young kids in the family and my parents don’t give a monkeys about Christmas so I don’t do it at all. It’s bliss. I don’t have to spend a single penny on anything Christmas related or do anything/go anywhere I don’t want to. I’m definitely in the ‘if I want or need it I’ll buy it myself’ camp and I honestly don’t want to receive gifts that I don’t need or want. I’d happily do a cheap secret Santa (like £20 limit) with friends or colleagues if that was on the table but I love being totally obligation free. I do feel a bit smug watching others run themselves ragged in December spending money they can’t afford and worrying about logistics.

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Beautiful3 · 25/09/2022 08:55

Nope. I agree. We started this too, 10 years ago. I'm so happy. We only buy for the kids. I was sick of all the crap we got, that got given/thrown away. We did try secret santa one time, the budget was £25. My husband got something that still had its price tag on, for a lot less than the budget! He was a bit annoyed. Mine was some scented body creams, my worst nightmare! We left that! Never again. My friends family do, handmade presents only. They all.have to make something for one person in the family.she says its brilliant. They make, alcohol/knit socks/fancy chocolates etc. That sounds delightful to.me.

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HotDogJumpingFrogHaveACookie · 25/09/2022 08:56

If you're all happy with it then there's no problem. I'd personally hate it. I enjoy choosing gifts for people and I dislike gifts that are "need" items rather than something a bit frivolous. I can buy myself whatever, but someone putting thought into choosing something for me is special.

Someone in my family suggested just buying for the children. We have none, so essentially that would have just been us buying gifts for lots of kids.

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Letsrunabath · 25/09/2022 09:02

We did no presents for adults for the first time last year and it was brilliant. Both sets of grandparents now give my adult kids money for there birthdays and they can buy there one Xmas presents out of that.
works really well. And no one is stressed.

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balalake · 25/09/2022 09:17

100% behind you.

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Ccoffee · 25/09/2022 09:19

BarbaraofSeville · 25/09/2022 08:36

Not so great for childless aunties and uncles, or grandparents, who will be paying out for multiple children and not receiving anything

Well this childless auntie really doesn't care about not receiving presents, I'd rather that than what currently happens, where I end up with a pile of stuff I don't want because MIL is of the 'quantity not quality' mindset so always buys everyone 3 presents each, 2 of which are utter tat like twee signs or coasters etc.

Or DSis who knows I like booze and buys that, but doesn't seem to realise I don't like the sweet pink versions of everything that she does.

Maybe I should have qualified that as "childless single aunties". Presumably your DH gets you a gift so you are not entirely gift-free.

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Ccoffee · 25/09/2022 09:19

BrutusMcDogface · 25/09/2022 08:27

Ccoffee- we all give gifts to the two adult siblings of ours who don’t have kids. It truly isn’t fair otherwise.

That's nice to hear.

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Mopitgood · 25/09/2022 09:19

I wish our family would do the same! I've suggested we do a £10 max secret Santa and I've been shot down in flames 🙄

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KimWexlersPonyTail · 25/09/2022 09:28

We stopped sometime ago, also don't do birthday cards or presents. The birthday person chooses a charity of their choice for a donation,

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Drivebye · 25/09/2022 09:56

I actually don't like the no adult gifts thing, I would rather spend less on the children and give to the adults.

These days most children are ridiculously spoilt at Christmas and too much if it is children centred. I think it's better to treat it as a family time where presents are exchanged and there are adult and children activities/times.

Everyone moans about cost of living but how many are only giving their child one gift (like it was in the old days) and it being something they want as opposed to what it costs.

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FinallyHere · 25/09/2022 09:58

vdbfamily · 25/09/2022 08:29

We have done a secret Santa for years with a £20 limit. Now we have no kids left we have changed it. Basically we each spend up to £20 on ourselves on something we want and wrap it in brown paper and the parcels all go into a pile.
Everyone takes a parcel and first person opens it. Everyone has to guess who the gift belongs to and whoever they decide, that person then hold the gift and opens the one they had. You continue until all gifts open and then everyone with the correct gift stands up( usually very few on first round) so you then have to continue guessing and moving gifts around until everyone had what they bought.
It is very fun as those who are competitive will but odd things to put people off the scent. My mum was the hardest last year as had bought a camping stove( never camped a day in her life) She thought it would be useful in a power cut.

The reason this game works so well is that we are a. big family and usually have at least one day where we all get together. 23 of us.

It can also be made a competition oldies against offspring to see what group takes the most round to guess. Piles of gifts have to be kept separate for this. IE all the younger ones gifts are distributed to the younger ones and adults dictate as each one is opened, who they think had bought it.

I love this idea.

Oh dear, think I have outed myself as a competitive present chooser and opener.

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Wickerbaskethandle · 25/09/2022 10:00

Only a high value adult secrets nat if everyone submits a list and it HAS to be from that list
Otherwise Marge gets thoughtful perfume but she gives someone else £70 of generic Boot reduced sale tat made into a 'hamper'

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Princessglittery · 25/09/2022 10:33

Secret Santa with a £ limit and everyone provides a list of 3 things they would like.

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Greengagesnfennel · 25/09/2022 10:37

Another one for secret Santa for adults. Just one to buy for and a budget set. Means everyone gets a present under the tree so still feels like christmas.

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dotty636 · 25/09/2022 10:39

I think Christmas is about spending time with family however presents do make it feel extra special

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