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AIBU?

To be so glad my family aren't doing presents for adults for xmas this year?

103 replies

Noodge · 25/09/2022 06:58

Some of my friends I have mentioned it to think we're real killjoys, missing out etc and I am beginning to wonder if they're right and perhaps xmas may feel a bit 'flat' without gifts?

There is nobody under 20 in our family now.

We've decided to not buy one another anything, cards only.

I am so relieved. Reasons including, none of us bloody need anything and if we did, we'd just go and buy it!

We all get stressed out trying to buy the 'perfect' present for one another. We often buy piles and piles of them for each person!

It takes up time and energy.

To be fair to us, we don't buy 'tat' and most things are well received and get used but still, It's still stuff we don't particularly need, spending money we don't need to, time we're better spending doing other things.

Does anyone else do this, I am sure I've seen it mentioned on previous threads.
I am wondering if perhaps I should suggest that instead of 'no presents' It's 'only edible ones (food/booze)? Or only one present under £20?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

153 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
14%
You are NOT being unreasonable
86%
Need2P · 25/09/2022 07:38

We've got lots of children in our family so no adults presents, only children. We only give a present to grandparents like it's a present from our children to them.

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FormerlySpeckledyHen · 25/09/2022 07:39

We stopped many years ago, the rule being only those in full-time education get a present. Currently 3 nieces.
So liberating.

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oopsfellover · 25/09/2022 07:39

I think that's brilliant, if everyone agrees. Family presents can be a big stress and a waste of money. My siblings and I stopped doing gifts a few years ago, and I think everyone was relieved.

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SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 25/09/2022 07:40

We still do a few adult presents but it’s pared right down & we don’t buy for nieces & nephews once they’re over 18. I love the whole giving & receiving bit although I can also see where you’re coming from, OP.

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londonrach · 25/09/2022 07:40

Every family is different and totally understand but the one year we did that my mum and dad got no presents to open at Xmas....I'd do a present for them no matter what now ....

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Caiti19 · 25/09/2022 07:42

I haven't exchanged gifts with my adult siblings since I was about 27. We exchanged growing up and for those first few years after getting proper jobs when having money was a novelty. My Mother then suggested we stop it and we all agreed as the era of needing anything was behind us. My husbands family do the same. About 10 years ago, we also gave up exchanging gifts for nieces and nephews. No controversy. Everyone was relieved. Grandparents both sides buy for all the Grandchildren. We buy for our parents, and obviously our own children. We do get birthday presents for all nieces and nephews on dh side and for Godchildren on my side. Christmas gifting is still intense and overwhelming when buying for my own kids, husband and my and his parents. When I hear of people buying for 6 siblings and 20 nieces and nephews, I don't know how they stay sane! Don't suggest any alternative and enjoy being released from the burden! Christmas for us is about time together and relaxation.

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DappledThings · 25/09/2022 07:43

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 25/09/2022 07:38

Dappledthings just curious about the goats?!

Just anything from www.good gifts.org. Not necessarily a goat but goats are the classic.

I like www.chooselove.org as well. Have also donated to Trussell Trust in the past.

Might suggest United24 this year.

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GettingOrganisedNow · 25/09/2022 07:44

We do presents for kids only, it's great! It does mean we still have the "present opening" part of the day, but honestly, when the kids outgrow it I don't think we'll miss it. It has never been a huge part of Christmas for us anyway.

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TheRubyRedshoes · 25/09/2022 07:45

Op we don't have a big family anymore but when I did I wish we had done it differently.

Maybe only gifts from charity shops?

Or secret Santa?

Or gifts on a theme no more than 10

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DappledThings · 25/09/2022 07:45

one year we did that my mum and dad got no presents to open at Xmas
Not having anything to open is my dream!

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namechangeagain123456 · 25/09/2022 07:46

Nonametomorrow · 25/09/2022 07:01

What about secret Santa? That way everyone gets something to open.
We do secret Santa for adults and spend about £40-50 so the person gets something nice (not a crappy secret Santa that one would normally think of).

Less waste, less panic buying.

We do this too x

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FinallyHere · 25/09/2022 07:49

No presents seems perfect to me.

Trust me, in my sixties, if there was anything I wanted I would already have bought it. Instead, from about now onwards each year I stop buying myself things so DH and also DSiL can buy me something 'so I can have something to open at Christmas'

DSis and I each buy something for ourselves and wrap it beautifully so be it looks great under the tree, too Genius.

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Lightningrain · 25/09/2022 07:49

We also do secret Santa for the adults and still buy for kids.

Much better as kids are easier to buy for and we set a £50 budget with a wish list for the adults so everyone gets a decent gift to open and it’s something they actually want. We used to find that adults just buy things they want and you’d end up getting the same thing for them every year (smellies//edible gifts).

We tried it once with DP’s family but his parents just couldn’t grasp the concept and bought the secret Santa gift plus loads of other presents (unfortunately mostly tat that we didn’t want/need/have space for) for us and his adult siblings.

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PinkDaffodil2 · 25/09/2022 07:50

We use draw names for secret Santa with a £50 budget. You can put a gift list on there which works well. My in laws have just adverted doing the same. My hays and I each have two siblings but our 3 year old is the only child in either family. She gets spoiled!

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Purplemoons2827 · 25/09/2022 07:52

Definitely not being unreasonable. We’ve been doing this for years. Christmas is about much more than unnecessary gift giving.

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Fairislefandango · 25/09/2022 07:52

You like it, but the majority probably don't

Really? I think on balance the majority probably do like it. I suspect that even a lot of the ones who think it's a bit of a hassle choosing and buying presents still like actually giving and receiving them and would feel Christmas was a bit lacking without them.

Obviously people should do what they want, but I wouldn't be in favour of a present-free Christmas. We always get each other things we all want. Nobody gets tat. Nobody gets unwanted stuff. The key is a little wish list of ideas, but with scope for some choice on the part of the buyer to make it a bit less transactional/impersonal imo.

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Annigolden · 25/09/2022 07:57

I only buy for my kids. DH gets a token present and I buy my parents something small. Been this way for years. Don’t buy for friends or other family.

I really dislike the massive overconsumption at Xmas. Depresses me to see people that pretty much have every they need getting more perfume/jewellery/clothes.

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properdoughnut · 25/09/2022 07:59

Up to you innit

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BrutusMcDogface · 25/09/2022 08:01

One of dp’s sisters buys for our kids only and we buy for theirs only, but the other one goes all out for all of us. It’s really hard buying useful/nice/desirable presents for adults. I would love kids only presents.

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NutellaEllaElla · 25/09/2022 08:04

If everyone is happy then it doesn't matter what other people think. It does seem to suit people with kids more than people who don't have kids. Christmas isn't just about children IMO. I still like the gesture and symbolism of it, gifts can just be chocolate or alcohol or something equally small.

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andtheweedonkey · 25/09/2022 08:06

YABU to suggest "food/booze only" or a secret santa now that everyone's agreed to cards only.

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Ski4130 · 25/09/2022 08:07

There are 12 grandchildren on my side, and 5 on my husband’s so we do a secret Santa for adults on both sides, and a secret Santa for the children on my side, otherwise it would be stupidly expensive.

We (dh & I) still get each other presents, and our children buy us little gifts, but the pressure (organisational & financial) is well and truly off with not having to buy multiple gifts for the adults in our extended family.

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YellowTreeHouse · 25/09/2022 08:08

Yeah, that is miserable of you.

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/09/2022 08:10

No adult presents. Anything I want would be too expensive for a present and anything else is toot. Honestly magic is seeing my kids open their presents not me getting a bath bomb

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ExtraJalapenos · 25/09/2022 08:13

We've done this for years in my family Presents for kids only. And then our parents. With my bros and sils we get each other something for bdays instead rather than Xmas.

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