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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To text my ex and ask why he ghosted me when I was laying in hospital?

142 replies

Artemisss · 24/09/2022 20:38

We dated like 4 years ago when I was in my 20s. I absolutely adored him, we used to spend our nights together staying up to like 6am in the morning just talking about our lives. We talked about marriage and kids. He randomly dumped me after an argument about one of us being late for something.

we never lost touch. We stayed in touch with phone calls, video calls and met up. He would say things like hes never moved on, he doesn’t want another relationship, he thinks I’m beautiful, he can’t speak to anyone else like this. Most recently we were meeting up regularly, he was coming to my place a lot and just going to the cinema, restaurants, art galleries, concerts… we were talking everyday!!! He even fixed stuff in my house for me like my washing machine & tiled my floor!

Probably read into it too much, but I thought he would at least consider me a friend?

Anyway I got hospitalised a few months back following an accident. It was pretty serious and I’m still recovering. He knew it had happened on the day and sent a text. Never got in touch with me after I replied. Not even a “hope you’re feeling better”. We were on FaceTime the night before organising another day out… I don’t understand.

its really affected me. He was someone I loved once, and to be fair he was giving me vibes that he at least wanted to be my friend?? We never kissed or slept together these last few months, but we spoke very intimately & spent so much time together.

it was months ago and I should just move on, but I can’t. I want to text him and ask him why he stopped talking to me. This is a guy I’ve known for years and years, and I feel the shittest I’ve ever felt in my life

AIBU?

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 24/09/2022 20:42

He's an arse and you deserve so much better OP!

If you text him you probably won't get an answer, if there was a reason for it and he was sorry then he'd have messaged you to explain.

BatshitBanshee · 24/09/2022 20:42

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

He's shown you, twice. Block & move on.

catandcoffee · 24/09/2022 20:42

Are you sure he's still 'around ' I mean is he still... erm...alive and breathing.

FannyAintMeAunt · 24/09/2022 20:43

I read your post as he kept me hanging by a thread so I couldn’t/wouldn’t be able to move on and find myself a decent partner.
Delete and block him and find yourself someone decent

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 24/09/2022 20:44

Maybe he doesn't know. Confused

Artemisss · 24/09/2022 20:46

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 24/09/2022 20:42

He's an arse and you deserve so much better OP!

If you text him you probably won't get an answer, if there was a reason for it and he was sorry then he'd have messaged you to explain.

I did block him a month after not hearing from him Sad but I feel so lonely now

OP posts:
Longdistance · 24/09/2022 20:46

Oh, it was too serious stuff, you being hospitalised and unwell. He can’t handle it because he’s a coward.

Move on.

TheHoover · 24/09/2022 20:46

Sorry to hear about your accident.
Regarding your ex it sounds very much like you haven’t moved on and are still holding a torch. He on the other hand seems to be messing around keeping you on a string (possibly because he knows you are happy there).
Its quite rare for a relationship to end and successful ‘truly platonic’ friendship to emerge in its place.
Take this as a message and move on. Nb you might need to be really strong about this because he might still want to keep you at the end of his string and will send all sorts of mixed messages but the clearest messages of all are:
a) he dumped you suddenly
b) he wasn’t there in your hour of need.
You deserve better.

Artemisss · 24/09/2022 20:47

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 24/09/2022 20:44

Maybe he doesn't know. Confused

He does know. He text when i was taken to hospital and I told him. He text back saying “hope you feel better soon, what did the drs say?”. No response to my reply.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 24/09/2022 20:47

That’s so hurtful. You’ve called him? Emailed? Checked his socials? Is he okay?

Has he got a history of being crap when things go badly? Some people are useless at bad news, no excuse at all but it does happen.

Artemisss · 24/09/2022 20:48

catandcoffee · 24/09/2022 20:42

Are you sure he's still 'around ' I mean is he still... erm...alive and breathing.

Yes.. he is active on social media (before I blocked him that is)

OP posts:
Tillsforthrills · 24/09/2022 20:48

Block block block.

Let your dignity and pride guide you into accepting you know why he ghosted you. Try to heal, you don’t need closure and you won’t get it from him.

Artemisss · 24/09/2022 20:48

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/09/2022 20:47

That’s so hurtful. You’ve called him? Emailed? Checked his socials? Is he okay?

Has he got a history of being crap when things go badly? Some people are useless at bad news, no excuse at all but it does happen.

It is really hurtful. I haven’t text since the day of the accident (in response to his message). I haven’t contacted him since, and he hasn’t contacted me. He was active on socials. I don’t get why he would do it.

OP posts:
WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 24/09/2022 20:49

Artemisss · 24/09/2022 20:47

He does know. He text when i was taken to hospital and I told him. He text back saying “hope you feel better soon, what did the drs say?”. No response to my reply.

Ummm, so he HAS made contact then? Saying 'hope you feel better soon...' Not exactly 'ghosting you' is it?

whatatool · 24/09/2022 20:49

I'd have to call him.
I realise that I would lose some pride and dignity but I don't have the self control not to tell him he'd hurt me and call him an arse

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 24/09/2022 20:50

Sounds very much like you are hung up on this guy @Artemisss ... I wouldn't give a shit if any of my exes didn't contact me after an accident.

Tillsforthrills · 24/09/2022 20:51

whatatool · 24/09/2022 20:49

I'd have to call him.
I realise that I would lose some pride and dignity but I don't have the self control not to tell him he'd hurt me and call him an arse

That’s the worse advice, don’t give him the satisfaction.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/09/2022 20:52

Were you sleeping together during this time you were 'friends?'

dudsville · 24/09/2022 20:52

That's so sad, i can understand being heart broken. Given that this is such a significant relationship/friendship is understand needing some closure at the very least, but you need to find your own way through this.

Msgrieves · 24/09/2022 20:52

That's really low, even my crappy ex who was up to all sorts visited me in hospital when I was at my lowest, despite it being 100% outside of his comfort zone. He was no friend.

properdoughnut · 24/09/2022 20:54

So he has replied to your text?

He might just assume you have bigger shit to deal with right now than some loser ex.

Artemisss · 24/09/2022 20:54

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 24/09/2022 20:49

Ummm, so he HAS made contact then? Saying 'hope you feel better soon...' Not exactly 'ghosting you' is it?

Well, when I replied he never got back in touch.

him: “hope you feel better, what did the drs say?”
me: “thank you. They said I’ll probably be in overnight for monitoring but hopefully home tomorrow. Hope you’re good, sorry I couldn’t meet today!”

… no reply for a month from him.

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 24/09/2022 20:55

Your response didn’t require a reply though..

properdoughnut · 24/09/2022 20:56

Artemisss · 24/09/2022 20:54

Well, when I replied he never got back in touch.

him: “hope you feel better, what did the drs say?”
me: “thank you. They said I’ll probably be in overnight for monitoring but hopefully home tomorrow. Hope you’re good, sorry I couldn’t meet today!”

… no reply for a month from him.

Oh! Well that is shit!

I thought you had maybe text him loads of heavy stuff.

Ah well, you'll do better x

Artemisss · 24/09/2022 20:56

Aquamarine1029 · 24/09/2022 20:52

Were you sleeping together during this time you were 'friends?'

no we never did anything apart from spend time together. Hugs, that’s it

OP posts: