To text my ex and ask why he ghosted me when I was laying in hospital?

[Artemisss]

We dated like 4 years ago when I was in my 20s. I absolutely adored him, we used to spend our nights together staying up to like 6am in the morning just talking about our lives. We talked about marriage and kids. He randomly dumped me after an argument about one of us being late for something.

we never lost touch. We stayed in touch with phone calls, video calls and met up. He would say things like hes never moved on, he doesn’t want another relationship, he thinks I’m beautiful, he can’t speak to anyone else like this. Most recently we were meeting up regularly, he was coming to my place a lot and just going to the cinema, restaurants, art galleries, concerts… we were talking everyday!!! He even fixed stuff in my house for me like my washing machine & tiled my floor!

Probably read into it too much, but I thought he would at least consider me a friend?

Anyway I got hospitalised a few months back following an accident. It was pretty serious and I’m still recovering. He knew it had happened on the day and sent a text. Never got in touch with me after I replied. Not even a “hope you’re feeling better”. We were on FaceTime the night before organising another day out… I don’t understand.

its really affected me. He was someone I loved once, and to be fair he was giving me vibes that he at least wanted to be my friend?? We never kissed or slept together these last few months, but we spoke very intimately & spent so much time together.

it was months ago and I should just move on, but I can’t. I want to text him and ask him why he stopped talking to me. This is a guy I’ve known for years and years, and I feel the shittest I’ve ever felt in my life

AIBU?

But he couldn’t check on how I was for a month? I was hospitalised… and we usually text everyday prior to the accident?

I dont think I would ask him. I'd really really want to...but what are the chances of him saying something truthful like 'I'm the type of shitty person who is only around for the good times...lets meet up when you're better, eh!?' In my experience of friends who have gone through similar, he won't respond, or he will come up with some lame 'I've been really really busy but I thought about you all the time', or he will say something fake that makes it all about him like how he likes you so much he just couldn't cope with the thought he might lose you blah blah blah and none of it will be the truth.

The point is it doesn't matter why as there is literally no explanation that is reasonable (unless he had a sudden family death or similar but the chances of that are massively massively smaller than him just being a wanker)

I felt like we were both working on building a good friendship tbh. The fact he’s an ex isn’t the important bit… it’s the fact that he has spent the last 6 months speaking to me daily, and as soon as I was really unwell, he vanished.

I'm sure I've read this exact same post within the last month or so .. have you written this before OP?

He was using you until someone else came along I think

Oh OP, I’m so sorry both for your accident and the way you’ve been treated.

I honestly think it sounds like he’s a fair weather friend and that he’s been keeping you hanging because it’s convenient for him. Now it isn’t convenient for him because you’re unwell, he’s vanished. Please keep away from him, give yourself time to heal and get over him. It will get less painful, I promise but the way to do that is to keep your distance 💐

I'm confused. Initially I thought it was because you'd had something really serious.

But actually you were only in for one night.

Your last message didn't require a response.

Would have thought the onus was on you to message and say..I'm home now, when can you pop over.

He might be wondering why you didn't let him know that you were out of hospital

Imagine you did ring him. How would that conversation go? What could he say to you that would make you feel any better? What would it feel like if he minimised, or was dismissive? Or dodged you?

I see the potential for hurt here, but not really for healing. It is worth thinking about what you would want from any conversation and if there is any real likelihood of you achieving it. Would you be taking a risk for little chance of a positive result?

If you want to then go for it. But chances are you won’t get a truthful answer anyway.

I wasn’t in for one night. I thought when I text him that I would only be in for the night, but I wasn’t. I was in for much longer.

be ready for this guy to pop his ugly head in some way or another through a different form of comms, he will tell you some sad story about how he was in a bad place black bla bla. He'll try to hoover you again at some point. My advice: don't let this guy back in your life.

I guess what I would want was a genuine response - did he think it was weird to support an ex in hospital? Has he met someone else?

I just feel like the accident was definitely the catalyst for the change, since we were literally arrranging to meet up the night previous? What changed in a night?

But did you tell him that? That you were stuck in hospital.

Would have been good for him to check in but I don't understand why you haven't messaged him

I didn’t give him updated on my discharge no, he has no idea when I went home. I was focused on getting home & sleeping at the time. After a week I realised I’d not heard from him and didn’t want to send a text essentially asking for his concern?

Why would you ask him? Like what response do you expect would make it better?

But surely you just text and say
I'm now home from hospital.

He’s met someone else.

People text daily with friends, partners and people important at that time in their life. I’ve ‘stayed friends’ with a guy who regularly texted me - as friends we shared opinions, tv show recs all that stuff. He met someone he wanted to marry who wanted to marry him…and so our messaging is now once a year. That’s fine. Things move on. I was never hanging onto our contact hoping for more but we had a period of time where we were really good for each other. I think your relationship with this guy has not been defined. I hope you make a swift recovery, and hang out and surround yourself with your friends

I agree with the people saying he's met someone or is at least interested in someone else. You were fine for when he didn't have anyone else to focus on, but as soon as he found someone else, he didn't need or think to bother with you any more. His type are the ones who pick up and drop people depending on whatever else is going on in their lives. They aren't true friends. Let him run on.

Call him and leave a message if it goes to voicemail. If you get no response then you have your answer. That's what I would do.

You stopped being fun for him.

I'm sorry, but it's pretty much that simple. Either he enjoyed the ego boost of having you on a string or he redkoned he could get back in your knickers without commitment at a time of his choosing. Once you weren't in any shape to offer flattering attention or possible sex, and he might actually have been called upon to do some emotional or practical labour and be supportive, he was out.

I'm sorry you had to find out this way that he was never your real friend, but at least now you know.

Surely he could have asked me how I was? Isn’t that what friends would do? I didn’t text my other friends updating them of my movements, they all checked with me

I don’t think anything would make it better to be honest. It’s just so hurtful. I can understand general ghosting or just losing touch… but to ghost someone in hospital the day after you were arranging to meet for a football match… just seems so cruel and intentional

I guess that’s what I’m thinking too. But the night before he was booking us tickets for a football match the following weekend and ghosted the day after that. This is after consistent time spent together over months.

So maybe he did meet someone in that week I was in hospital, I guess I’ll never know (although I’ll admit I screened his social medias Up until about a month ago when I realised I was being weird, and no trace of any new person… all our old pics are still up)

But yes, I wouldn’t be surprised.

It just seems a bit high drama. It's a bit shit to not check in with someone in hospital but life happens

He didn't get in contact. Then you didn't get in contact.

Why don't you just text. Hey haven't you from you for ages. How are you doing?

well then why consider asking him if no answer will be good enough?