To text my ex and ask why he ghosted me when I was laying in hospital?

[Artemisss]

We dated like 4 years ago when I was in my 20s. I absolutely adored him, we used to spend our nights together staying up to like 6am in the morning just talking about our lives. We talked about marriage and kids. He randomly dumped me after an argument about one of us being late for something.

we never lost touch. We stayed in touch with phone calls, video calls and met up. He would say things like hes never moved on, he doesn’t want another relationship, he thinks I’m beautiful, he can’t speak to anyone else like this. Most recently we were meeting up regularly, he was coming to my place a lot and just going to the cinema, restaurants, art galleries, concerts… we were talking everyday!!! He even fixed stuff in my house for me like my washing machine & tiled my floor!

Probably read into it too much, but I thought he would at least consider me a friend?

Anyway I got hospitalised a few months back following an accident. It was pretty serious and I’m still recovering. He knew it had happened on the day and sent a text. Never got in touch with me after I replied. Not even a “hope you’re feeling better”. We were on FaceTime the night before organising another day out… I don’t understand.

its really affected me. He was someone I loved once, and to be fair he was giving me vibes that he at least wanted to be my friend?? We never kissed or slept together these last few months, but we spoke very intimately & spent so much time together.

it was months ago and I should just move on, but I can’t. I want to text him and ask him why he stopped talking to me. This is a guy I’ve known for years and years, and I feel the shittest I’ve ever felt in my life

AIBU?

I honestly wouldn’t know what to say at this point.

True, very very cruel and intentional.

It sort of sounds like you ghosted each other… you responded to his message and it didn’t require a response. Then nither if you spoke to the other again, yes he should have got in contact, but the fact is neither of you did? I can see why you are hurt but you both stopped talking to each other at the end of the day.

And then to boot you blocked him right? Unless I’ve misread somewhere.

I was thinking this too - I have definitely read the same scenario on here recently.

Fully disagree. If your ex or girl who you have been hanging out with every day in the last 6 months, the same girl who you plan to attend a football game lets you know she's going into hospital all of a sudden you don't just.... vanish. I believe this is a classic narcissistic discard. She (inadvertently) had been giving him all this attention that he craved and when it was time for the opposite (she becoming needy) he discarded her as she no longer was a good supply. Narcissists it's all about them, they have very little empathy. he may have not had a new girlfriend at the time but had some other supply around the corner for sure. Now he's waiting for her to contact him. I interpret his silence as punishment for her going awol on him.

Actually I’m in two minds about this, I think you ghosted each other. If I considered someone my friend after I got out of hospital I’d have texted and said hey are you ok I’m just out. The fact you didn’t tells me this isn’t the friend ship you made out. It honestly reads like you ghosted each other. As far as he knew you were fine and out the next day and never contacted him again.

Please have some respect for yourself ❤️
Block. Block. Block.

Righto. that Wikipedia page on narcissism sure gets a lot of views

I honestly thought about the fact that he thought He thought I might have ghosted him, but it doesn’t explain a lot of stuff.

firstly, I was the one who was ill. The reason I was in hospital wasn’t a simple one. There were signs that it was serious and could have deteriorated. I didn’t present at hospital, I was taken via ambulance and seen immediately. He knew all this. He knew what treatment I had when I first got there and how serious it was.

why didn’t he check in? See how the night in hospital went? Asked if I needed anything?

then, after a week he hadn’t heard from me (this wasn’t intentional on my behalf, I was barely looking at my phone).. he didn’t once think how I was? Texts are low effort and I could have replied when I was ready.

I’m not disagreeing with any of that, but she still didn’t message him either. They didn’t message each other. They ghosted each other.

I did block him yes. Months of silence after a stint in hospital felt cruel to me. How long does it take to text “how you feeling?”… I guess I didn’t think it was normal to be the one who was unwell and be chasing contact with someone? What was I meant to say “hey, just to let you know I’m feeling shit and I’m back home!”… he didn’t care enough to ask in the first place.

Why didn’t you message him though? Had something else about his behaviour made you wait to see if he messaged you first? Maybe there were other clues here. He should have messaged you obviously, but what lead to you not messaging him either? Because in your situation if a friend did this to me totally out of character I’d have messaged them to see if they were ok.

@coldfeetmama same

He dumped you, used you as his emotional support human, then fecked off when he'd have to actually give something back. Don't waste your time wondering what if. He was never there for you.

You hadn’t heard from him so you blocked him even though you wanted to hear from him. Where’s the logic?

I was at home sleeping most of the time. I didn’t text anyone unless they specifically text me first - I guess I just couldn’t be bothered because I was so tired. I just thought that he might be giving me space to recover but as days turned into weeks I thought hmm maybe not.

So at first I didn’t text because I wasn’t really up to speaking to anyone. Then as time went on, I guess I felt like he didn’t want to/care about speaking to me. So I just left it.

there was a time when I was in another relationship and he asked me to go away on holiday with him. When I said no it’s not appropriate right now, he ghosted me for a few months. That was years ago, but it’s the only other time I can remember.

To get his attention probably hoping he would do some big grand gesture 🤦🏻

because even though I did want to hear from him, I guess it stung each day not getting a message. So when I blocked I just thought well I’ll never have to check for the message now because it won’t come through.

I only blocked for my own peace of mind after months of silence so I wasn’t continually checking my phone. And he’d not tried to contact me in all that time, so why after a few months would he try to? And why would it get his attention - surely if someone doesn’t want to speak to you, they’re not going to want to speak to you suddenly because they can’t send you a message.

I think you’d have been better off messaging him to ask what was going on before you blocked him. Now to be honest I think if you unblock and message to ask why he ghosted you itl just feed right into his hands and give him the attention he wants rather than giving you any sort of satisfying answer. Or he will turn it around and point out that you didn’t message him and the blocked him. Honestly I just don’t think you will get what you need by messaging him. Crap as that is I no.

Let it go. It's screwing your head up.
People can just be horrid & let us down when they are most needed.

@Artemisss he might have thought the whole thing was an elaborate scheme to untangle yourself from seeing him. You blocking him might have made him think he was right?

I would be horrified if he thought I’d lied about being hospitalised! I doubt very much he would think I’d made it up. But then again I didn’t think he’d ghost me so there you go.

I guess after months of zero communication you have to sever ties, even if it’s not for the reason you think. It’s a pretty good example of poor communication skills between us both, at best.

He was keeping you on a string and got bored. Don't worry I'm sure he will be back at some point. Move on op your better than that