To deeply regret decluttering

[IWantMyStuffback]

I went a bit mad last year and massively decluttered. I got rid of so many things that I regret, I keep remembering everything I donated or sold, as loads of kitchenware and clothes, and books and dvds, hobbies and projects. I donated or freecycled or sold most of it so it's not in landfill but what was I thinking? I loved looking for certain items or bargains and now I don't enjoy that anymore. Is this declutterers remorse? And I don't feel comfortable in a thinned-out house either!

A severely decluttered home isn't for everyone. Some of us like "stuff". What's done is done. Try to look at this as an opportunity to rebuild your collection of beloved objects. You've learned something about yourself that you can use in the rest of your life, so it wasn't all for nothing.

why did you declutter in the first place, what was your reasoning?
maybe you needed to declutter but got a buzz from it, or were influenced by bare minimum minimalists ( essentialists) and went too far
sometimes we regret things but there was a reason, once I found a silky metallic skirt I thought I had decluttered and i thought why on earth would i have got rid of this lovely skirt, I wore it one day and remembered somehow the metallic threads had surfaced or something and basically as I walked or moved it streactched me and by the end of the day the front of my legs and kneees were red like allergic, so while on the surface i thought i shouldn't have decluttered on revisiting it decluttering was the right decision. when you say regret what % are we talking about 10, 20, 50 80%

I was reading the Christmas threads and remembering that I got rid of some Christmas items as well! It was supposed to make my life easier but I can create a mess in an empty house! Live and learn, I am feeling miserable about it all at the minute though (I know I need to get over it!) Thank you!

@TeacupDrama

I think I was just stressed and put all my focus into created this zen like surrounding that was essentially impossible anyway, it's a house and there has to be stuff in it. Yeah, I got carried away by the minimalist stuff I saw. I bought it all, hook, line and sinker and went totally overboard!

I was a teeny, tiny bit of a hoarder though..... it does have to be said. I wouldn't be on a tv screen anytime soon though ... I probably regret about 40% of what I got rid of. But that was a lot! I wrote a list but it is all pretty identifiable if you knew me, I have specific tastes, but it will cost thousands to replace, and I'm not going to do that, so I just feel miserable! I should have thought more about it all. Thank you!

less stuff is easier to clean, it is easier to find things
but I do know that some over decluttter because of a number challenge like declutter 365 items or 1000 instead of the number that is actually right for you
maybe the way forward is more intentional purchasing having the 3 right irtems rather than none or ten that are sort of OK
you know how much you regret it when you seriously add it to a list to re purchase and it is still on the list a month later
I am sure you do not want to re purchase the broken stained non fitting items
our tastes change so maybe it was right to declutter vase X but that doesn't mean you can't have a new vase in a different shape colour or texture
some regret decluttering because they have a tendency to hoard and dwell on I might have used it again instead of I have 3 other things I can use for that

I think intentional and well thought out purchases are better than a splurge decluttter buy again cycle on repeat
for some people 30-40 item wardrobe would be plenty for others it is simply too boring though technically as many as you need to stay clothed in clean clothes for several days. You need to work out your own happy place for what is right for you

I have helped people declutter as part of a business but the hardest are serious hoarders ( they just want magic storage solutions) or those that want the advantage sof minmalism without work or think you have to go with a certain type of aesthetic which in trutth is not them. A minimalist decor or wardrobe can be bright dark pale etc and you can still have purple green and yellow it doesn't have to be jeans black trousers and neutral tops with wooden furniture and white walls
There are some mindful minmalists but some completely wacky ones obsessed with decluttering and numbers rather than the time and space that it sets free, they get addicted to decluttering like they were previously addicted to collecting or shopping the underlying impulse is still there with a different direction
if you want a collection of something go for quality not quantity a room will look much better with the 6 best examples than 20 run of the mill ones say you like blue and white delft plates look for the best one not 6 charity shop touristy ones

I wonder if you have practical, tangible reasons why you regret certain things, or if it’s just a nebulous sense of regret?

E.G. I regret giving away X because I used it for Y

as opposed to

Oh I wish that I still had X even though I never used it/it was not on display etc

I probably regret about 40% of what I got rid of. But that was a lot!

Would you buy these things again, now that you don’t have them? You say not - because it would cost thousands - so really there’s no need to regret no longer having them.

I tried it once but hated my home. I love looking at my pictures and ornaments. It's not for everyone .

It's a shame you feel this way, but don't be annoyed at yourself.
This is why I prefer the onion method where you do a 'layer' at a time, then sit with it for a while and see if you feel you want to go further or not.

Thanks for your comments everyone, I'm feeling a bit better! I regret the things that I bought with the intention of improving my lifestyle but never used and they were just taunting me with their presence, like gym equipment or painting sets or diy manuals or evening dresses that I never wore, or new hobbies like cooking oriental food. And I regret the things that I got rid of like wine glasses and baking tools (in order to become healthier). It is easier to clean though, and less frustrating in general.

And I regret losing the ornaments as well!

The onion method is definitely worth doing if you want to declutter. I spent months on it though, I think I got tired and just became less thoughtful about how I got rid of things.

Yes. Mine is slightly different. We moved last year to a smaller house. And has lots of stuff in storage. We did a cull and my husband kept saying more has to go. So I got rid of lots of my crafting stuff. I wasn’t doing it at that time but I always came back to it.
I sold all my stuff as I was fed up with the moaning.
Now I’m back to crafting again and have had to start from scratch.

I've not done a really big declutter because I think I will be like this.
Many a time I have had a big clear out of books, then thought about a book I gave away, then re bought the book.

Pop over to The Minimalists. They go through lots of these feelings. Very very helpful stuff.

My husband died earlier this year. He was definitely a hoarder, we have been clearing out his stuff since. We still have lots of nice stuff, things which enhance our lives or have special memories. What we don't have are piles of junk, things that are kept just in case or duplicates because we have forgotten that we already had it. You can live a clutter free life without living in a sterile way with nothing that brings you joy
It does not have to be one or the other, tons of stuff or nothing.

The life bettering things

are you feeling regret because you just got rid of them or believe you’ve got rid of the opportunity to do better?

maybe that there is part of the reason for your hoarding tendencies, you want to change something but just can’t quite get there.

However, you’ve been successful and have changed something in your life with a lot of success and to the point where you’ve realised it’s not for you.

wrong focus but right tactics

😊

I feel these really difficult feelings before I throw things out and then I'm fine. I feel for you experiencing this the other way around!

I regret the things that I bought with the intention of improving my lifestyle but never used and they were just taunting me with their presence, like gym equipment or painting sets or diy manuals or evening dresses that I never wore, or new hobbies like cooking oriental food. And I regret the things that I got rid of like wine glasses and baking tools (in order to become healthier).

But do you regret no longer having those things (that you did not use) or do you regret the money you spent on those things that now feels wasted (the money was spent either way!) or do you regret the opportunity that you feel is now lost to you?

Why do you regret getting rid of wine glasses? Do you still have some? Are you going to throw a big party? How will baking tools make you healthier?

You should interrogate your ‘regrets’ because they’re not really about not having the things. It’s about what the things represent to you.

I have only ever regretted two things I got rid of, an alarm clock and a book. Other than that I am very pleased to have decluttered (many years ago).

I am sorry you feel that way, I guess you need to keep working on understanding why you have what you have in your home.

That's happened to me, kind of. I make myself feel better by remembering that some people lose precious things in a fire or to burglars or have to run away and leave everything behind. But though the worse has happened to them, they are still the same person with the same memories. Bit dramatic but it works for me!

I am not a hoarder but I am very wary of decluttering. There really is nothing wrong with keeping stuff so long as it's not a major dusting headache or a fire hazard.

I nod and smile at people who say you should never keep anything that doesn't bring you joy. I find joy in having a lot of things.

You've said you're a hoarder (the 'teeny bit' is the giveaway).

It's a natural response to taking steps to reduce the effects of your MH condition. You're uncomfortable because you aren't insulating yourself from unhappy feelings with buying loads of stuff and distracting your eyes and mind with a thousand things to look at and trip over.

It eases once you recognise that it's your disorder trying to pull you back in.

I'd love to declutter. I'm married to a hoarder and I fight a constant battle to keep his junk in his office/garage/storage unit/shed/loft but it constantly tries to sneak into other places like all the beds have boxes of stuff under them, the cupboard under the stairs is full of stuff.

Decluttering is my dream. I might be heartless but I've told him that if he dies before me the first thing I'm doing is hiring the largest skip I can find.

Sounds like you've dealt with the physical clutter and now you need to deal with the emotional/mental issue that drove it or that it somehow 'medicated'?

There were TV shows where people waded in on your behalf, clearing items en masse and filling skips, bags etc. One show even had a crushing machine of sorts.

I often wondered about the after effects of that blitzing.

My feeling was that the next time you were looking for something precious you’d be distraught at the thought it was possibly gone forever. Precious could be valuable or just sentimental of course.

I hired someone to help me declutter this past week and she took all of the discards/donation/recyclables etc. away with her. Literally 15 minutes ago I thought of a need for a piece of fabric I'd been storing for years. (To patch another item in the same fabric).

Still though, I find that the pain eases with time and it is nice not tripping over hoarded stuff.