To deeply regret decluttering

[IWantMyStuffback]

I went a bit mad last year and massively decluttered. I got rid of so many things that I regret, I keep remembering everything I donated or sold, as loads of kitchenware and clothes, and books and dvds, hobbies and projects. I donated or freecycled or sold most of it so it's not in landfill but what was I thinking? I loved looking for certain items or bargains and now I don't enjoy that anymore. Is this declutterers remorse? And I don't feel comfortable in a thinned-out house either!

I'm itching to declutter, today is the day I shall begin as it's now officially autumn

Yes I'd love to read the sequel!

There is an interesting point with elderly hoarders who are leaving their spouces/children a shitload of work to do after they die. Obviously a compulsion is a compulsion but it's something to bear in mind if you have a family.

It sounds like you are either a severe hoarder or you have gone too much to town on de-cluttering and gave away some personal things with emotions attached that you now regret. I did the same thing with a lot of my childhood toys when I moved to a new town. In the end I realised though, there is only enough room for a few keepsakes in the end. Try to let them go and buy more stuff if you really want. It's your life - no one says you have to be minimal. Do what makes you happy :)

I am a minimalist and constantly try to stay on top of things because they make me anxious. But before the pandemic I loved shopping (I would be out for the whole day with all meals in restaurants) and like you OP loved trying to source something. It does leave a bit of a void when that "hobby" is no longer viable. I feel like a different person to the one I was in a way.

But having too much makes me feel queasy and I am concerned at the money I have spent over the years.

Oh god, I did not need to read this. This is literally by fear about throwing stuff away - regret 😬

However, it seems to me that at least some of the things you are regretting and the "could have beens". Excercise or hobbies you wanted to do, and bought stuff for, but never did so threw away. The thing is that keeping those things for another 5 years wouldn't have made you do those things any more than having them lying around for the last however many years did. So you've not really lost anything, you've just cleared out space.

I have regretted things I’ve thrown, but you have to get over it, you can’t get it back and you’ll just drive yourself mad thinking about it. Let it go.

I agree - this is very much a trend, and it’s seen as virtuous to “declutter” even when it’s not really necessary to get rid of everything.

I really need to declutter as run out of space everywhere. But every time I have a clear out I 'grieve' for all the items that have gone. Just feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I am working hard on buying less and that's sort of working.

there is a happy balance but it is also personal preference
some people are just happier with clean surfaces and plenty of empty space and everything apart in cupboards or drawers and like the so called minimalist aesthetic of either monchrome or naturals white and wood.

Other people like having less stuff but like colour so although they do not have much stuff it is their favourite colours so it is minimalist but not minimalist aesthetic

other people like the colours of the minimalist aesthetic but just want more stuff they do not want a capsule wardrobe or only 3 pieces of decor

others like the electic style of all pieces that mean something to them without going with any particular aesthetic

what works for one doesn't for another

as long as the space is useable, and safe it is fine, and you can find stuff when you need it. However if you live with other people you need to bear in mind their preferences you can't impose on them, if they like spaced out clothes in their side of the wardrobe you can't fill these spaces with your stuff, on the other hand you can't go throwing other peoples stuff away without consent unless it's a hazard like mouldy food or something with sharp edges that could cause injury or blocking stairs or windows

The problem with living with hoarders is they often fail to respect boundaries and start filling your space with their stuff or creating safety hazards or causing financial hardship by buying more stuff with money that should be used for other things or they create so much stuff that the rest of the household is too embarrassed to have guests over

it is OK to have stuff for a hobby then outgrow hobby and declutter it, it gave pleasure at the time so it wasn't a waste of money but keeping it may no longer make sense

many people buy things for a fantasy self maybe they think of themselves as an outdoorsy hiking person and have back packs hiking gear several walking boots but the reality is that they don't hike they do country strolls and it lies unused. or maybe you have lots of going out outfits when the reality is you just wear jeans and nice top and you have 7 unworn wedding outfits that you will never wear again it is OK to change hobbies if you liked card making or playing the piano once but not any more that is fine it is not a failure to stop doing one thing

He has some stuff that he tells me will be worth thousands but he has the items on show and the boxes somewhere else and I would need to match them up

I’ve basically taken my adult DC on a “tour” of the house and told them what things are worth money and how/where to sell them. Where to find say the instruction books for my expensive lego sets (which can go for a lot as they get discontinued). Yes it will be some work for them, but they’ll make money.

I appreciate these things can be a lot to sort out when someone passes, but I love my stuff so when do I get rid of it? When I’m 70? Technically I could live for another 20 years, so 80, 90? Or I could die tomorrow!

But I am very organised. Every cupboard has things organised in baskets/fabric boxes etc. All things of one type are together. I go through them annually and usually get rid of some things. Even my food cupboards have plastic baskets organised by food type!I Most drawers have drawer organisers etc. So while there is volume, it’s not all sprawled around and mixed up.

I think that is the key, if your possessions are overwhelming you, then yes you need to take action but if they’re not having a negative impact on you or the people you live with, then it isn’t a problem.

I am currently going through a decluttering phase. I have done 3 bootsales this year and made just over £500 total.

The one area I struggle with is clothes. I have a whole triple wardrobe rammed and I probably only wear about 20% of it. I know this stems from childhood but I'm going to go through it this week and be ruthless

yes with clothes i find the rules does this still fit?( try it on) does it need mending? what can i wear it with? does it suit me or do I feel good in it?
then i do reverse hanger trick put hangers wrong way round once it's worn turn hanger around you can then see next spring what of your winter items you never wore, if there is an obvious reason like we only go skiing every second year then leave them but if not then maybe it is time to go

you can always pack the maybe pile into a box, then if you need to go to the box that's fine if you don't open it for months then maybe they are not maybe's anymore

I'm not a hoarder (have family hoarding history and went a bit loopy after my Dad died and clung on to a lot of stuff that i've now mostly shifted on) but I do have a serious craft habit.

I'm not planning on dying anytime soon but have told my siblings (joint executors) not to clear any of my craft stuff without speaking to one of my craft buddies. Otherwise they could inadvertently dispose of thousands of pounds worth of stuff. Siblings have no idea about how much stuff e.g my sewing machine and custom table cost.

I also have a lot of hoarded fabric (liberty/ tula pink) that was limited edition which would sell for a lot of money.

Even if they don't realise the value it should go to someone who will know/ love it!

My mum insists that your house needs to be entirely empty and spotless in order for you to have good mental health

i am more like you… I need some stuff, probably not as much as I have but I can find a reason to keep everything (hence why my house looks like I’ve recently downsized and not thought about storage!

regrow your collection but keep in mind what will really be useful, for your aesthetic (if important) and has a home (eg no point getting an ornament for mantelpiece if you don’t have a mantle piece)

I think growing up in a fairly sterile environment - our bday cards would be recycled the next day- has made me cling to things a little but that being said, my mums sparse living stems from her parents massively hoarding (could easily have been on TV)

TL:DR - don’t be too hard on yourself, your behaviour stems from your upbringing as much as your environment will affect your kids’ future environment - but it can be modified with a bit of mindful organising/buying/decluttering

Hope it’s going well for everyone. I’m in a roll and have managed to sort out about ten books from a bookcase to take to charity shop.
I have about 15 Christmas gift bags for bottles- all used once and in good condition. Would a charity shop use these? I don’t want to take in stuff that is not sellable .

I know what you mean OP. I had a year of therapy some time ago and decluttered a whole room of childhood items I'd been carrying around with me (literal emotional baggage). I often have pangs of deep regret especially as they were all irreplaceable. However for me they are also all associated with emotions that were holding me back and although I miss them sometimes, I wouldn't really want them back. Funny the dislike of Marie Kondo here because she actually helped me enormously. I was following other methods of decluttering and got rid of lots of things I loved to clear space and ended up with a spartan unfulfilling home. Whereas since I read about 'sparking joy' I totally turned it around to choosing what I loved, and keeping only what I love in my house. I've not regretted getting rid of anything since changing to using Kondo's method. Have you tried going through the process of getting those things back (without doing it ideally) to see where those feelings reside, as it's usually not in the object? I think a part of it is trusting your own judgement too. Your earlier self made a valid and sound judgement to free you of things you didn't need, now maybe it's more a crisis of confidence in your own decisions that necessarily that you made a mistake? If you had those things back you would possibly make the same decision to declutter them at a later date. I have done this a few times.

I did a massive declutter about 4 years ago. I regretted 2 items and they are easily replaceable.

I think the Kondo approach works well but only if you really follow it. I kept everything that 'sparks joy' (inc about 500 books that I store properly and actually do use) and only get rid of the stuff that doesn't. She doesn't tell you to get rid of things that do spark that joy. I actually felt that I had gained, as I could then see the stuff I loved, it wasn't hidden by the stuff I didn't. It takes a long time to do though, you really have to think about each item.