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Original poster

To think these messages aren't innocent?

151 replies

confusedanddispute · 24/09/2022 00:57

Between my husband and his ex from a long time ago. It's the times that bother me the most, late nights when he was out and not with me.

These were sent to me, I didn't find them, never had a reason to go through his phone and even if I wanted to (which I kind of do now) he has a lock on it. Married 3 years, together 5.

To think these messages aren't innocent?
OP posts:
Blinky21 · 24/09/2022 11:28

As PPs have said unsent messages do not show at all. To me it reads like she has done something she is cringing about (contacted him out of the blue or commented on his IG) for attention and he has sent pretty benign responses. The responses are days apart and don't even have kisses so I wouldn't be worried.

BaileySharp · 24/09/2022 11:35

I think your DH is innocent, says he's happy (implied with you). He's maybe a bit concerned about her but that's surely OK?

Stravaig · 24/09/2022 11:44

Just ask your husband! He'll be able to confirm that some messages have been deleted on her side, that he was replying to. Then, as a couple, work out how to handle ex and partner.

DashboardConfessional · 24/09/2022 12:11

macthekwife · 24/09/2022 10:44

Oh right, well yes you unsend and they disappear completely. I just tried and there is no trace whatsoever. Not sure how the person said it looked like anything had been deleted though... just a suspicion?

Show quote history

Because he said "Thanks" and she hadn't said anything before that?

DashboardConfessional · 24/09/2022 12:12

Sorry, he said cheers - same thing.

NoMichaelNo · 24/09/2022 12:23

Her partner sounds paranoid but for the wrong reason, it's obvious that she's deleted messages.

donquixotedelamancha · 24/09/2022 12:35

Usually on Instagram if a message is deleted it says 'message deleted' ? So that's what I don't get. It's like he is pushing for a response.

He sent one, two letter, follow up message. Hardly pushing for a reply. If that's all there is to it this woman's husband sounds like a controlling dick.

She's appologised for 'being psycho' with him which could mean anything- she's had some kind of embarassing emotional outburst. He's said he's happy and asked if she's OK. It's the kind of conversation I've had with friends upset by something all the time.

If I was your DH I would be bothered you hadn't discussed this with me but I get the impression there must be more going on for you to be so distrustful?

obsessedwithsleep · 24/09/2022 12:37

Innocent.

The late hours just show that he was pissed and probably wouldn't have messaged at all otherwise.

L0bstersLass · 24/09/2022 12:44

Does your husband normally leave a space between words and a question mark? I only know one person that does this. If he doesn't, then I'd think these are faked.

IamnotSethRogan · 24/09/2022 12:50

Yeah i wouldn't be bothered by this at all. I assume she was a bit if a pshyco when they broke up and wanted to say sorry. Your husband said he is so hardly gagging for an affair and he asked how she was. If I'm out and pissed I might have sent an "oi" because she randomly messaged in the first place!

And also maybe everyone should be worried about her if her dick husband is like this. I would definitely talk to my husband. Someone needs to tell her what her fucking shit stirring controlling husband is up to.

IamnotSethRogan · 24/09/2022 12:52

And he waited 3 days to reply so he's hardly desperate to talk to her

happy66 · 24/09/2022 13:08

Assuming they have kids together which is why they are in contact. If so look innocent to me.

Vikinga · 24/09/2022 13:13

It sounds like she may have gotten in touch at first and been a bit crazy/inappropriate and at first he's replied that he's happy etc. Then he's been bored/drunk and is fishing for more.

Could be just attention, could be more. I wouldn't be happy about it.

StaunchMomma · 24/09/2022 13:49

If that's the worst of them I think you need to let it go, really. There's no flirtation there.

Maybe drinking tends to bring out his feelings of regret/guilt with regard to historical behaviour/actions and he feels the need to apologise?

WeDoNotTalktoPennilynLott · 24/09/2022 14:02

Changemaname1 · 24/09/2022 07:28

I think the cheers does make sense after the oi message

as in like thanks a lot for not replying type thing

i don’t think there is much going on here other than him messaging and her not responding

This. I think it's a sarcastic Cheers for not replying

LuckyLil · 24/09/2022 14:05

This sounds more to me like her new partner who sent the messages is feeling a tad insecure in his relationship if this is the best he can come up with as inappropriate. Sounds like he might think she's cheating on him or still has feelings for her ex but clutching at straws for evidence.

Discovereads · 24/09/2022 15:16

Mybestyear · 24/09/2022 03:48

@Discovereads -this is fascinating although I have literally no idea what you are talking about - can you explain for dummies please??? Thanks

I’m showing how Instagram messages can be faked. As in 100% invented by someone else and written to look like a conversation between two people. All the person would need is to grab the OP’s DH’s profile picture, easy to do.

Im pointing out as well, red flags indicating that the messages are made up fiction written by someone else, by analysing the numbers in the date and time stamps (you invent these numbers too when you write fake texts or messages).

Discovereads · 24/09/2022 15:18

OneTC · 24/09/2022 09:49

Utter nonsense

Show quote history

It’s not nonsense at all. My DH taught me and he has a degree in cybercrime investigation where messages are faked all the time. He taught me these techniques for spotting fake messages.
Some of what I used is well known..it’s even published.
www.wired.co.uk/article/how-to-detect-fake-numbers

Discovereads · 24/09/2022 15:21

leavesonthegroundsoon · 24/09/2022 03:58

@Discovereads
What do you mean 'fakers'? How would someone do that? Do you mean they've been tampered with, then screenshot to send?

What I mean by fakers are people who create fake texts/messages. Follow the links in my post to see several websites where you can create fake Instagram messages. I’m suggesting that because OP did not see these on her DHs phone but was sent a “screen shot” by a third party that it is possible these are not real messages, but fake ones. As in they never happened. There was no conversation between her DHs ex and her DH.

ThreeRingCircus · 24/09/2022 15:35

I don't think it looks suspicious from your husband's side but why on earth wouldn't you just talk to him about it?

I can't imagine receiving a similar message and not saying to DH "the partner of your ex has just sent me this really weird message....here have a look...." I can understand not speaking to your DH if you were suspicious and wanted to search for information first but this looks quite innocent on his part tbh. Hers does look like there has been some deleted messages so is a bit more suspect. But talk to your DH.

MiseryWIthAStent · 24/09/2022 15:37

I'd be more worried that he's pestering her when she doesn't appear to want to have a conversation tbh.

Marvellousmadness · 24/09/2022 15:58

I see 100% drama (from your side) and 0% indecent messages

Literally have no idea why these lame messages could bother you

MrsLighthouse · 05/02/2023 18:35

Send the pictures to her first with a “WTF??” And wait to see what comes back …chances are she’ll contact him straight away so he will have to come back to you knowing you know . Make them worried and scared like you are 😠 and don’t be distracted by him saying you shouldn’t have gone through his phone …he is in the wrong even if nothing physical has happened ( unlikely ) . Messaging someone behind your partner’s back then pretending you barely know them is just downright shi*ty and insulting .

ShakespearesBlister · 05/02/2023 18:36

MrsLighthouse · 05/02/2023 18:35

Send the pictures to her first with a “WTF??” And wait to see what comes back …chances are she’ll contact him straight away so he will have to come back to you knowing you know . Make them worried and scared like you are 😠 and don’t be distracted by him saying you shouldn’t have gone through his phone …he is in the wrong even if nothing physical has happened ( unlikely ) . Messaging someone behind your partner’s back then pretending you barely know them is just downright shi*ty and insulting .

Check the date on the thread 😉

MrsLighthouse · 05/02/2023 18:39

@ShakespearesBlister l think l posted this on the wrong thread 🥺so busy being indignant ! Not sure how to delete ?