Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think these messages aren't innocent?

151 replies

confusedanddispute · 24/09/2022 00:57

Between my husband and his ex from a long time ago. It's the times that bother me the most, late nights when he was out and not with me.

These were sent to me, I didn't find them, never had a reason to go through his phone and even if I wanted to (which I kind of do now) he has a lock on it. Married 3 years, together 5.

To think these messages aren't innocent?
OP posts:
Changemaname1 · 24/09/2022 07:28

I think the cheers does make sense after the oi message

as in like thanks a lot for not replying type thing

i don’t think there is much going on here other than him messaging and her not responding

homarrrer · 24/09/2022 07:33

Sounds totally innocent.

He has made it clear straight away that he is happy and it sounds like he has zero interest in her.

Did they bump in to each other on a night out and she was crying or talking about old times or something and he has told her he is happy with you?

That's what it looks like to me anyway. He has brushed her off straight away. Sounds like he's just being polite when he is asking how she is.

homarrrer · 24/09/2022 07:35

Sorry, didn't see the bit where he was still messaging trying to get her to respond.

Probably him just being pissed but no, I wouldn't like that he was pushing it trying to get her to message back.

Sure the guy would have sent other messages if there was anything worse said. I think it is innocent.

HappinesDependsOnYou · 24/09/2022 07:39

Her partner may see them as inappropriate as she is asking if he is happy which may suggest she is not but from him he messaged 3 days later and said he is happy. Looks like he sent the follow up of oi as maybe he was concerned she wasn't great but left it as next message isn't until over a week later. Unless there are more messages or more context as to why she went "psycho" I wouldn't be worried

Dery · 24/09/2022 07:40

“It took him 3 days to respond to the first message but he sent a prompt when he hadn't received a reply after 5 hours! There is no further exchange for nearly 3 weeks.

I think the messages are too infrequent to be concerned about.

I'd be more concerned that your partners ex is in a relationship with a jealous partner who is reading her messages and now trying to cause trouble for other people.”

This.

MRex · 24/09/2022 07:41

It sounds like she said or did something, he shut it down. The "Oi" would be him drunk and remembering the message, genuinely wondering if she's ok. I would not be concerned at all about actions if this was my DH, but I would tell him they were sent to keep him in the loop. I would be confused about him not having told me about their chat though, simply because we usually talk about everything, so I would ask why he didn't mention whatever happened. If you have other reasons not to trust your DH, then you might see things differently. Not enough in the messages to tell you anything interesting though.

The person who sent them has a little more to think about, it sounds like she isn't in a great place.

Aeio · 24/09/2022 07:43

Perhaps she'd commented on a photo immediately prior to his most recent message.

I think whatever has happened he's probably slightly too interested. But he makes a point of telling her he's happy.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 24/09/2022 07:52

I'd say they've been talking or deleting messages (or using text/ WhatsApp etc) in between.

initially I just read what's on screen & thought it seemed fine, but when I opened the photo I'd be a bit more Sus.

id ask the ex's partner if he has messages before/after these.

glowingghost · 24/09/2022 07:54

I think his first response is absolutely fine. The “oi” is a bit less fine but not that bad.

Kissingfrogs25 · 24/09/2022 07:55

I sm reading her message ‘psycho’ and ‘cringing’ suggests to me she was trying to find out if he is still interested - why else would she be cringing?

He had been straight and to the point - he is happy with you.

The oi might be annoyance. I am reading it that way. It’s not friendly. He sounds irritated.

The woman’s do found out somehow and between them they are trying to cause trouble.

Speak to dp and suggest he blocks her

LittleLadyFauntleroy · 24/09/2022 08:05

If " in between" messages have deleted, Why? Why not delete all messages? Why leave some to be seen/found/sent to a 3rd party?
All a bit dodgy to me

Sisisimone · 24/09/2022 08:06

So sounds like she has come on to him (re the sorry I'm cringing and psycho ref) and your DH has shut it down telling her he's happy. Don't see there's much wrong there from your DH point of view though you are clearly missing the initial messages from where she is being a 'psycho' and also looks like later messages have been cut off. Her boyfriend has clearly found the messages, is jealous and trying to make trouble for your DH as well. No idea why you haven't just asked your DH though. If someone had sent me messages I'd be having a conversation with my husband first and making sure I saw the full convo on his phone

Noteverybodylives · 24/09/2022 08:16

There is nothing inappropriate about these messages.

Stop letting someone else who is unhappy in their relationship, try and break up yours.

If the ex’s DH has an issue with his DWs behaviour then he can end his relationship.

Hiddenvoice · 24/09/2022 08:16

I don’t think there’s anything to it, especially from her point of view. She was embarrassed about something and just wanted to say so. Yo ur dh is the one who keeps replying. I feel like the cheers one is him trying to get her to reply again, since she ignored the previous two.
messages on Instagram don’t say if they are deleted. You can unsend a message and it won’t show on the chat at all. However I think she hasn’t replied to him.
This girls partner is trying to cause problems, he doesn’t trust her and should talk tk her about it, not drag you into it.

Youaremysunshine14 · 24/09/2022 08:16

It definitely reads as she messaged something inappropriate and your DH shut it down. Something that triggered her DP into sending you the message, because clearly their relationship is on the skids if she's messaging exes. I would reply that the message seems innocent to you from your DH's perspective and you're not sure what he's trying to achieve by sending it, and that maybe he should focus on his own relationship before trying to cause trouble in someone else's? It's a dick move on his part.

AramintaLee · 24/09/2022 08:25

I don't think the messages have a romantic tone. Even if messages had been removed, saying "oi" and "cheers" doesn't really suggest anything inappropriate is going on. Its quite "matey" language.

Looks to me like her partner doesn't trust her and is trying to cause drama.

Cornflakegirll · 24/09/2022 08:25

I don’t know… I’m not sure I agree with the consensus here.

The first message from her does imply some kind of ‘fishing’ incident from her. It sounds like a closure message.

Your husband then fishes for continued contact three times, and one implies contact was made ‘cheers…’

If as seems to be clear from first message she did flirt/fish then he should not be checking in. His boundaries should be clear. They’re woolly at the least.

Whatdayisittodayhelp · 24/09/2022 08:26

i would maybe cover his photo. She’s ignoring him and he’s being quite demanding answering three times as she has not replied especially oi.

Glitteratitar · 24/09/2022 08:30

Do you live in the same town?

My first thought is they bumped into each other, and she acted inappropriate, hence her apology. But he shot her down by telling her he’s happy.

He didn’t need to message her twice more, so that’s odd, but I wouldn’t say it’s not innocent.

Cornflakegirll · 24/09/2022 08:34

Just realised that third cheers reply appears to still be in reply to her imho ‘closure’ message. And nearly three weeks later.

I’m sorry I can see I’m alone here but I would not be happy.

feckoffbrian · 24/09/2022 08:36

That's not a complete conversation, some messages have been deleted (on her part). Sounds like her partner is controlling or jealous

If I had no reason to be suspicious, I would brush it off. You aren't though, which makes me think there is a backstory...

Rainraindontgoaway · 24/09/2022 08:39

right at the bottom of the picture, is that a third message which has not been included?

Rainraindontgoaway · 24/09/2022 08:40

Rainraindontgoaway · 24/09/2022 08:39

right at the bottom of the picture, is that a third message which has not been included?

Sorry, ignore my post as I just opened the photo fully and saw it was included x

Knackeredbutnot · 24/09/2022 08:41

It sound like she has crossed a line, or been fishing for info (the ‘pyscho’ and ‘cringing’) Most likely bumped into him on a night out and then felt embarrassed about how she behaved. He has made it clear he is happy, but then asked how she is.
The ‘Oi’ is a prompt to reply. I then don’t think there are deleted messages. The ‘Cheers’ is sarcastic as she hasn’t responded and then he asks the same question again. It does seem like he is tying to continue the conversation - only he knows why and whether it’s innocent or not. However, I would hazard that he was flattered, enjoyed the attention and would like it to continue but that he wouldn’t go further based on his initial response.

Cosycover · 24/09/2022 08:42

Was he out drinking at the 6.12am message or was that sent when he woke up in the morning?

Swipe left for the next trending thread