To think these messages aren't innocent?

[confusedanddispute]

Between my husband and his ex from a long time ago. It's the times that bother me the most, late nights when he was out and not with me.

These were sent to me, I didn't find them, never had a reason to go through his phone and even if I wanted to (which I kind of do now) he has a lock on it. Married 3 years, together 5.

Why is he trying to initiate conversation with the oi though?

So there are issues in their relationship? He could be the type to be jealous over nothing?

I don't use that app - so can't comment there.

Just going on what the image shows - she probably reached out to him because her current relationship isn't in a good place, and your partner shut her down.

She's apologised for being a psycho - is she a drama queen? She's cringing because she's embarrassed herself and could be fishing to double check he is happy, which your partner confirmed.

She may have disclosed some mental health issues, so your DP is checking how she is now - he waited a few days before responding.

Not sure if you can see if someone is currently active on the app - or perhaps she had just posted something there, and he messaged "oi" to get her attention as she hadn't responded.

The next one a few weeks later - could the "cheers" be autocorrect? He is checking in on her again to see how she is getting on - and this would be related to the messages she sent to him before 13 July - he seems to be half-hearted about checking in with her. I have done this a few times with ex-coworkers who left due to some issues and have wanted them to know that someone was thinking of them.

The fact these are older messages - if you haven't been sent additional screenshots, then I would think you have nothing to worry about. Her ex has obviously got access to her phone and gone searching - she's probably in an abusive relationship with him.

Your DH’s ex is a right spoony fucker isn’t she! Nothing wrong with these messages. Feels like she maybe even deleted some - otherwise what is he saying ‘cheers’ to.

Also with Instagram I think any comments on stories appear in the ‘messages’ but it they’re not actual DMs IYSWIM

Meh I couldn't get worked up about that
I'd tell my oh I'd had them through her partner/ex partner as him sending them to you is weird!!

If the messages are real, it looks like the ex is apologising for possibly flirtatious behaviour

"sorry for being a psycho - cringing" she made a bit of a move on him and is now embarrassed

I can't see anything inappropriate with these messages at all. Your dh replied saying he was happy. I also think the cheers sounds like a reply to something but if these are what her dh thinks are the most inappropriate messages - I'm guessing that's why he sent them to you - then you have nothing to worry about!

I don't see anything concerning. She messages about embarrassing herself, he'sc kind in redone but also highlighting that he's happy. Her partner might have cause for concern but not you. His follow up "oi" is just kind, surely.

If that's the full extent of the conversation then ur partner seems to be determined to keep engaging the ex. Otherwise, maybe messages have been deleted- cheers is odd as a starting conversation, would usually be a reply to something

the ex is apologising for being crazy whenever they bumped into one another - red flag

You’re husband is trying to get a response at 3am - red flag

To me this looks like the ex felt bad about treating him unreasonably and decided to tell him so (stupid decision, pretty attention seeking if you ask me). Your husband replied and because she’s not responding, he’s nudging for a response. Over the course of a few weeks, which is also pretty embarrassing.

led ex's need to text/email each other?

If you share kids, I can understand that but otherwise, "ex" just asking for trouble IMHO

My wife ex hubby saw her by off chance in town when she was by herself (this is a couple of years after they split we got married) and he said hi, they had coffee and he made a pass at her. My wife was honest she told me and said fo a moment she was temnet a split second. I was a bit angry and upset for a minute then saw the light the fact she told me. Ex's etc steer clear unless you have real business to deal with

I do think it’s unfair that you’ve left his profile picture visible though.

I really wouldn't be bothered by this unless it comes with something else? I think her partner is stirring here don't give him a reaction

This wouldn’t bother me at all? I think you’re being paranoid.
also, I have quite “close” messages with an ex sometimes - we were together a long time.
but I 100% am committed to my marriage

@Manicpixidreamgirl I never even picked up on that…someone is going to spy who it is!

Yep.
@confusedanddispute get the pic edited

Utter nonsense

I think the ex has definitely deleted messages she's sent. She's responded to the message of how's it going with something cheeky and he's replied oi. Then she's messaged something complimentary and he's said cheers how's it going. I've deleted messages sent in error on insta and there is no 'message unsent' it disappears. I think its innocent on ur dhs part.

It reads to me like she sent that apology having made a bit of a fool.of herself around him

After that though he seems to keep trying to get her to respond and she isn't doing, I wouldn't be happy I'm afraid

I'd be more concerned that the top bar say they follow each other on Instagram!

I don’t think the messages are particularly worrying but I would be pissed off if my partner posted them on mumsnet with my profile pic still on them.

I think there almost certainly has been something, probably something that got quite emotionally intese, but that they've stepped away from.

However he clearly enjoyed the attention and is now pretending to be a caring friend checking on her, when actually fishing for her to tell him how much she misses him.

If it was really shut down, he wouldn't be contacting her at all and it looks like he initiated that contact after not hearing from her for a while.

I don't see anything wrong and I don't think there are deleted messages..He's following on from her initial "glad you're happy"
Looks totally innocent to me, like closure. It's nice to have civilness with someone who was once so important.

It might just be me, but I get the impression that the ex was still fishing in that first message. They probably bumped into each other on a night out, she said something to the effect of reminiscing about the past, or saying she’s always been thinking about him or whatever. He’s then said I’m in a relationship.

she’s messaged after the meeting to really rub it in and to try to start up contact again “I’m glad you’re happy”… to me that sounds very bitter. Almost like she has to add it on to make him think she’s messaging innocently.

his reply is very to the point and cuts off any further chance of chat - he doesn’t say she isn’t a psycho or it wasn’t cringy, he just says “I am happy”

i think the follow up messages are concern for her. I wouldn’t think he was interested in her at all. In fact, it almost reads like he pities her.

Both as bad as each other . She came on to him. Then didn't respond to his messages.

Your husband tried twice to get her to reply.