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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DH with DS for the weekend?

115 replies

SoapAndWaterIsIt · 23/09/2022 19:35

I was planning on going to visit my Nan, with just baby DD.

I would be going Saturday morning and coming back Sunday night

DH kept agreeing but then hinting I'd have to rearrange, and now he's adamant I have to re arrange because he has no plans in place. What he means by that is, he's got no family available to come pick him and DS up to go to their house, or go out with them as they're busy

If I go, it would mean DH and DS in the house all weekend.

There is the option of the local park. And DS has a buggy

He says I'm really unreasonable and he is adamant it must be re arranged because he would be stranded

DS can't use public transport (there isn't really any anyway), and we live in the countryside. DH can't drive (yet, he's taking lessons)

I'm the car driver. And I'm also DS's main carer

Now the background here is I visit my nan a lot. But I always always take DS and DD with me. There has never ever been a time before that DS has been left behind

I'm not taking him tomorrow as I wanted some respite and time to spend with my nan without having to provide constant supervision to a disabled child (that I love very much but gets up at the crack of dawn and destroys everything in the house if you're not extremely careful watching him)

AIBU to just go?

I think H is being unfair. I feel sad. And guilty as I don't want to leave DS but I do need the break

OP posts:
Mmm3456 · 23/09/2022 19:38

Your DH needs to learn to parent his child alone. Disabled or not. It shouldn't always fall to you. And I'm sure your nan will appreciate some time with you being able to talk and you not feeling like you have to he on guard. Your also taking the baby so he only has to look after 1.

Azandme · 23/09/2022 19:38

He's a grown man, and a father of two, and it's one night, and he can't cope?

Is he always this wet?

Tell him to step up and PARENT. Otherwise, what actual use is he?

Discovereads · 23/09/2022 19:39

YANBU to need respite and your DH should be able to cope for one day with DS. He would appreciate you more if he walked in your shoes for a day.
I would go.
I also would see about getting someone in for regular respite for you. You need a break every so often.
Im sorry your DH is panicking and lashing out at you.

America12 · 23/09/2022 19:40

Absolutely go. He's his FATHER #ffs

Noviembre · 23/09/2022 19:41

I'm about to take a two week business trip, and my husband will cook, clean, take and pickup from school, wash and brush teeth and generally parent them solo, because he's not a fucking child.

It is appalling your so-called 'partner' can't be a functioning parent for a single weekend. What a grotesque baby. He is lazy, selfish and basically thinks it's all your job.

JulesCobb · 23/09/2022 19:42

Yanbu and your dh is pathetic.

Topgub · 23/09/2022 19:42

Yanbu.

You do not need to rearrange

Your dh needs to dad up and parent hos child.

Original poster
SoapAndWaterIsIt · 23/09/2022 19:44

I suppose I feel guilty just because I am leaving him with no means to get anywhere. So he can only go to a small park nearby and the local Tesco express. That'll be it from Saturday morning to Sunday night

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 23/09/2022 19:44

YANBU OP.

Im sorry but your DH sounds incredibly entitled and selfish.

What we he do if, God forbid, you passed away and he would have to look after both his children by himself?

Noviembre · 23/09/2022 19:45

SoapAndWaterIsIt · 23/09/2022 19:44

I suppose I feel guilty just because I am leaving him with no means to get anywhere. So he can only go to a small park nearby and the local Tesco express. That'll be it from Saturday morning to Sunday night

Because he chose to live in a rural area and can't drive? Vom. Wants his mumsie to stay home and cut him sammiches too I expect.

Remind him babyish men are deeply unattractive.

girlmom21 · 23/09/2022 19:47

He needs to parent his child. If he carries on being an arse tell him the baby's staying with him too.

Discovereads · 23/09/2022 19:47

SoapAndWaterIsIt · 23/09/2022 19:44

I suppose I feel guilty just because I am leaving him with no means to get anywhere. So he can only go to a small park nearby and the local Tesco express. That'll be it from Saturday morning to Sunday night

It’s only one weekend. He can be a homebody for two days. It’s not going to scar him for life.

Original poster
SoapAndWaterIsIt · 23/09/2022 19:50

Thanks everyone

I do understand his point of view... I am very use to DS, I'm caring for him all the time during the week, and I'd feel a bit uncomfortable if someone took my car away for 2 days 😮‍💨

But it is only one weekend

OP posts:
Cakeorchocolate · 23/09/2022 19:51

YANBU. Your dh should be able to cope being the primary parent for one night. And being stranded at home, it's one night. Really. He is BU.

Original poster
SoapAndWaterIsIt · 23/09/2022 19:53

He just said to me that his compromise would be me coming home Sunday morning

But I was suppose to be having Sunday lunch so wanted to come home Sunday evening

He did say it would be fine another weekend but needs to be planned properly with other people so he can get out the house properly with DS

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 23/09/2022 19:56

He did say it would be fine another weekend but needs to be planned properly

Why didn’t he plan it “properly” this week?

OneFootintheRave · 23/09/2022 19:59

Why all the guilt? Stop it. He's being completely unreasonable. Why on earth can't he be in his own home, walking distance from a park and shops with his son for less than 2 full days?

You have nothing to feel guilty about. He's being pathetic. Sorry to sound harsh but bloody hell, all this "guilt"!

Devilledmeg · 23/09/2022 19:59

Stop enabling him to be on the one hand so wet and on the other hand so controlling

Original poster
SoapAndWaterIsIt · 23/09/2022 20:00

FlissyPaps · 23/09/2022 19:56

He did say it would be fine another weekend but needs to be planned properly

Why didn’t he plan it “properly” this week?

We tried but nobody could help him get out and about/come see him and DS as they're all busy

OP posts:
Original poster
SoapAndWaterIsIt · 23/09/2022 20:01

I'm a bit cross tbh, as now I don't fancy going, despite really wanting to

I've got butterflies and have a sense of dread leaving poor DS if he's going to be pissy about being left here when he said I should arrange it for another weekend when it's planned better

OP posts:
LondonLovie · 23/09/2022 20:03

Me: byeeee and there's some food in the fridge (if I was feeling kind) and off I trot.

He really needs to grow up and just have a chilled out weekend at home

iklboo · 23/09/2022 20:03

Tell him to grow the fuck up and parent. Needs planning? What would happen if, gods forbid, you were in an accident or became suddenly ill? Ask you to postpone it until he had something planned to hold his widdle handy-wandy?

FlissyPaps · 23/09/2022 20:03

If DH had a car would he still need to have plans in place?

If he’s just annoyed he won’t be able to get out of the house due to no car, I’m sorry but that’s pathetic. Is he able to take DS out for a walk to get out of the house and get fresh air?

You deserve a break OP. I’m sorry but you do. Go and enjoy the weekend away. Enjoy 1 on 1 time with DD and your other family members. Please don’t let him guilt trip you due to his own laziness.

NightfeedsandNetflix · 23/09/2022 20:04

SoapAndWaterIsIt · 23/09/2022 19:44

I suppose I feel guilty just because I am leaving him with no means to get anywhere. So he can only go to a small park nearby and the local Tesco express. That'll be it from Saturday morning to Sunday night

He won't stave in that time frame?

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/09/2022 20:04

He’s being pathetic. Your children have two patents, he’s one of them. It’s not up to his family or anyone else to prop him up. Honestly.

How did he cope when you were having the baby and in the immediate aftermath?