To leave DH with DS for the weekend?

[SoapAndWaterIsIt]

I was planning on going to visit my Nan, with just baby DD.

I would be going Saturday morning and coming back Sunday night

DH kept agreeing but then hinting I'd have to rearrange, and now he's adamant I have to re arrange because he has no plans in place. What he means by that is, he's got no family available to come pick him and DS up to go to their house, or go out with them as they're busy

If I go, it would mean DH and DS in the house all weekend.

There is the option of the local park. And DS has a buggy

He says I'm really unreasonable and he is adamant it must be re arranged because he would be stranded

DS can't use public transport (there isn't really any anyway), and we live in the countryside. DH can't drive (yet, he's taking lessons)

I'm the car driver. And I'm also DS's main carer

Now the background here is I visit my nan a lot. But I always always take DS and DD with me. There has never ever been a time before that DS has been left behind

I'm not taking him tomorrow as I wanted some respite and time to spend with my nan without having to provide constant supervision to a disabled child (that I love very much but gets up at the crack of dawn and destroys everything in the house if you're not extremely careful watching him)

AIBU to just go?

I think H is being unfair. I feel sad. And guilty as I don't want to leave DS but I do need the break

My dh bcd said he wanted time every weekend for himself . I'm a SAHM so I said I parented 7 days and evenings . Shopped cooked and cleaned and it's a big house

I said I would be taking the equivalent of a day off every week and wouldn't be able to do his laundry and ironing .

Desperate times = desperate measures

That worked x

Wow.

I do understand that you feel bad for your DS (you certainly don't owe your husband any guilty feelings).

Your husband sounds less competent and adult than my 15 year old son though...

Op have you gone and left DS with Dad? Please say yes.

Oh FFS.

Heaven forbid he actually parents!!!

You must absolutely go, if for no other reason than to make him man up!

Interesting query OP

I remember a thread not long ago which was the exact reverse of this except that the husband was going to a stag do

A large number of the responses were the usual 'he's a twat', 'he's a shit', for leaving the poor stranded wife without the family car and the kids to entertain, what on earth would she do all day, what would she do if she needed to get to hospital, blah blah blah
It wasnt the majority of the thread but quite a large number

I did not agree with this, she was more than capable of being on her own. Your husband is more than capable of being on his own, car or no car.

Go to your nans

It was the exact reverse as in the dh in that scenario was the main carer for the disabled child and never had time to himself?

It was the exact reverse that one parent was going away for the weekend and taking the car with them and they were in a rural area. Whether someone is a main carer or not, the reason for the parent going away for the weekend is irrelevant, everyone has the right to time alone and for the other parent to parent their children.

I note that none of the excusers for the wife in that situation have come on this thread to back the husband up here. They would be wrong of course, just as they were on the other thread.

bellac11 I'm not sure why you think you get to arbitrarily decide what's relevant and what's irrelevant.

It's absolutely relevant that the op is the main carer for the disabled child and that she is not, in fact, getting "time to herself" as she's taking one of the couple's two children (a baby) with her!

There is no direct equivalency between a parent who never or rarely cares for the children alone going away for a weekend without taking any of the children, and the main carer going away for the same amount of time and taking 50% of the dependant, very young children. If the father you mention was the main carer and was taking one or some of the couple's children with him, then the situations would be directly comparable.

Can't see the issue he is left without a car. He has access to his own home. Op you have haven't suggested they live in the garden for the bloody weekend.

Why don’t you all go as a family to see Nan? Dh can take ds in the garden or play in another room while you talk to Nan?

It’s literally one night. Nobody is going to die. Don’t answer the phone. Let him learn.

He cannot care for his own dc for a day and a half? Who cares if they don't go further than the local park or supermarket during this extremely short period of time? What a pathetic excuse for a parent he is!

Small park and tesco express is more than enough
Food and exervise covered
Stop enabling him to be so pathetic
If you were to die or get sick what would happen

What do you usually do with ds on a weekend when not seeing family?

It is awful having to leave a child when you know the other parent would rather they weren't there

Tell your DH that. That as a father he is saying loud and clear he doesn't want to parent his son. Who will soak that up and resent the shit out of him as he grows up.