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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DH with DS for the weekend?

115 replies

SoapAndWaterIsIt · 23/09/2022 19:35

I was planning on going to visit my Nan, with just baby DD.

I would be going Saturday morning and coming back Sunday night

DH kept agreeing but then hinting I'd have to rearrange, and now he's adamant I have to re arrange because he has no plans in place. What he means by that is, he's got no family available to come pick him and DS up to go to their house, or go out with them as they're busy

If I go, it would mean DH and DS in the house all weekend.

There is the option of the local park. And DS has a buggy

He says I'm really unreasonable and he is adamant it must be re arranged because he would be stranded

DS can't use public transport (there isn't really any anyway), and we live in the countryside. DH can't drive (yet, he's taking lessons)

I'm the car driver. And I'm also DS's main carer

Now the background here is I visit my nan a lot. But I always always take DS and DD with me. There has never ever been a time before that DS has been left behind

I'm not taking him tomorrow as I wanted some respite and time to spend with my nan without having to provide constant supervision to a disabled child (that I love very much but gets up at the crack of dawn and destroys everything in the house if you're not extremely careful watching him)

AIBU to just go?

I think H is being unfair. I feel sad. And guilty as I don't want to leave DS but I do need the break

OP posts:
caroleanboneparte · 23/09/2022 21:15

What a pathetic excuse of a parent.

He gives man-children a bad name!

FinallyHere · 23/09/2022 21:18

needs to be planned properly with other people so he can get out the house properly with DS

Lovely walk to the park. Lovely walk to Tescos.

Bit of a wake up call to realise how much he has got into the habit of depending upon you.

FinallyHere · 23/09/2022 21:19

Think about how pleased he will be to see you on Sunday night.

... or is he likely to be horrible to you, like a toddler, to punish you. Sigh.

notdaddycool · 23/09/2022 21:23

Maybe go on Saturday afternoon the first time having done something together in the morning then build up to it. But he’s awful.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/09/2022 21:23

Your husband is appallingly useless.

whynotwhatknot · 23/09/2022 21:34

nothing going to happen if he cant go out for a day ffs

why cant he look after his own child-what exactly does he do for you

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 23/09/2022 21:39

What’s his issue with being in the house for a day/night with his son?

Sorry but if he can’t look after his own child for 36 hrs independently I’d be immensely worried about his capability of being a father.

Paigeycakey · 23/09/2022 21:41

Tell him to Uber!

Stopsnowing · 23/09/2022 21:42

You are leavin ds with dh surely?

suninthefog · 23/09/2022 21:43

I've got a work trip for 10 days. Im not happy about it as I'll miss DS (2 year old) but DH is fine taking care of him on his own. Feeding / taking to nursery etc.

Your DH is taking the piss.

Thistleinthenight · 23/09/2022 21:54

Big girl pants in and go.You'll cope with his disapproval.

unflappybelivabubble · 23/09/2022 21:57

"Question
Does your DH ever leave you to care for your children alone ?"

Yes

Well there's your answer !
If you can do it so can he . The issue with the car is a blindside , he's already said everyone is busy so what will he need car for ?
Tell him to plan meals and you buy the food in if necessary ( using the car ) and go away knowing that what you've expected from your dh is not unreasonable .

You may come back to a new found admiration from your DH regarding what it takes to care for a child without the other parent as back up x

MaChienEstUnDick · 23/09/2022 22:03

Right, hang on a minute. So you regularly take both kids to your Nan's without DH, presumably 'stranding' him with only access to a Tesco Express and the park and that's fine... but this weekend because he has DS that's not suitable?

Nah. This isn't about lack of transport, this is someone who CBA to parent his kid. Get that nipped in the bud. Go.

WineIsMyMainVice · 23/09/2022 22:03

SoapAndWaterIsIt · 23/09/2022 19:44

I suppose I feel guilty just because I am leaving him with no means to get anywhere. So he can only go to a small park nearby and the local Tesco express. That'll be it from Saturday morning to Sunday night

So he needs to use his imagination and come up with some activities that he and your son can do together.
Obviously I’m not aware of your sons needs but surely he can find something to do for that time?
please go op and enjoy some time with your DD and your Nan.

lemonyanus · 23/09/2022 22:18

He's being a chancer and hoping you'll take DS if he moans enough so he can spend all weekend lying about sleeping. It's hard leaving your child in the hands of a useless prick but the only way they stop being useless is when you leave them to it.

OliveOyl321 · 23/09/2022 22:26

OP I really hope you go! Your H is just realising that he’ll have to actively look after your son instead of sitting back and letting you do it. All he wants is for you to back down and take your son. I hope you stay firm.

Two days indoors isn’t a hardship when he has access to food in the fridge (and Tesco) and TV and DS’s toys etc. and like others said he can go for a walk.
You sound lovely, and you deserve to have more than the odd night away. X

Original poster
SoapAndWaterIsIt · 23/09/2022 22:30

@OliveOyl321 bless you, thank you. That's very kind of you

I just feel really bad now for my son, and guilty for leaving him here when he could be having more fun with me

It is awful having to leave a child when you know the other parent would rather they weren't there Sad

OP posts:
Connie2468 · 24/09/2022 08:31

If you got hit by a bus tomorrow, your DH would have to learn to be an adequate parent pronto. He needs to start practising.

Next time he whinges about looking after his own child, tell him he's an embarassment. And start leaving both kids with him and insist you get a lie in til 10 every weekend.

Funkyblues101 · 24/09/2022 08:34

If you have a disabled child who can't go on public transport your husband needs to prioritise passing his driving test. Of all the ridiculous situations to be in.

ChrisTrepidation · 24/09/2022 09:06

Your husband is pathetic. I'm embarrassed for him.

ChrisTrepidation · 24/09/2022 09:07

I totally get it though op. My ex husband was useless with our DC if left on his own with them. One of many reasons why he's now an ex. It's horrible when you know your DC father would prefer not to be left alone with them. Truly an awful, gut punching feeling.

youagainomg · 24/09/2022 09:09

I hope you and your DD have set off to your nans.

Naunet · 24/09/2022 09:23

SoapAndWaterIsIt · 23/09/2022 20:28

Like I mentioned previously, I go to my nan a lot and stay overnight, this is the first time I'm not doing it - I want a lay in! And DD the baby will give me one, she doesn't get up until 7. I didn't want to take DS 1. So I didn't have to provide constant supervision and talk to my nan properly and 2. The lay in

Now, DH has benefited from me going out to my nans for the weekend countless times. But if I say that, and say he has benefited from me going, he will quickly respond with Well I never asked you to go, it was your choice. You chose to go

And he made the choice to be a parent, so he can fucking step up and be one!

My god, what a useless excuse for a father he is.

Subeccoo · 24/09/2022 09:31

This is all so sad. I hope you're in the car having waved goodbye.
Bigger picture here is why your partner isn't an equal one?
My dh isn't even ds dad and I've been away for a week without either of them batting an eyelid, it's how partnerships work.
I'm so sorry for you, he sounds absolutely vile, I hope you have a lovely weekend.

SeeSawDaw · 24/09/2022 09:33

@SoapAndWaterIsIt you haven't said how old your DS is, but his needs are that he needs a buggy outside the house, trashes the home, needs constant supervision and you are his main cater.

When you and DH are together, does your DH also parent alongside you? If not, why not? It sounds like he needs to learn from you so that he feels more confident, but if he is just sitting back whilst you do it all, then he's not a parent. Surely he realises how badly it reflects on him that you can do it (with a baby too) whilst he can't?