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AIBU?

Housework v Husband

122 replies

coffeepump · 23/09/2022 19:07

I was wondering how much housework your husbands do around the house without being asked or expected to do it.

For context we're both working from home, office work similar level/volume of work. Flexible hours. 2 young kids both out to school each day for 5 hours.

OP posts:
Yazo · 23/09/2022 19:12

Very little. He cooks the kids a basic tea, not usually at all nutritious, loads and unloads the dishwasher. I think that's about it. Very occasionally he'll clean the sink/loo/shower/hoover something but can count on one hand the times in a year. If I'm lucky he wipes the kitchen sides down halfheartedly. Sometimes he puts the washing in the machine but rarely out.

We both work full time, two kids, it drives me mad. It's shit, disrespectful and it's the number one thing I dislike about him and our relationship but can't take the arguing anymore.

GOODCAT · 23/09/2022 19:12

We both do it. Neither of us sits down if the other is up and doing household stuff. Neither of us has to ask the other. We don't have kids though so don't have to do a tag team to give the other a break.

If we did, I would still expect both of us to have the same amount of downtime.

bettedaviseyes1999 · 23/09/2022 19:14

Sweet FA. Think it will be the end of us soon.

coffeepump · 23/09/2022 19:16

Yazo · 23/09/2022 19:12

Very little. He cooks the kids a basic tea, not usually at all nutritious, loads and unloads the dishwasher. I think that's about it. Very occasionally he'll clean the sink/loo/shower/hoover something but can count on one hand the times in a year. If I'm lucky he wipes the kitchen sides down halfheartedly. Sometimes he puts the washing in the machine but rarely out.

We both work full time, two kids, it drives me mad. It's shit, disrespectful and it's the number one thing I dislike about him and our relationship but can't take the arguing anymore.

Could have written this myself!

OP posts:
coffeepump · 23/09/2022 19:16

GOODCAT · 23/09/2022 19:12

We both do it. Neither of us sits down if the other is up and doing household stuff. Neither of us has to ask the other. We don't have kids though so don't have to do a tag team to give the other a break.

If we did, I would still expect both of us to have the same amount of downtime.

Really interesting, does he know what to do and how to do it? Mine thinks I have high standards. I think they're just standards. He knows he's lazy deep down but won't admit that mid-moan

OP posts:
MyFridgeIsRed · 23/09/2022 19:17

We share the tasks. I'm not working, he is full time, but if something needs to be done whichever one of us sees it, does it. I do the lions share but purely because I'm home more. Its never a case of me having to ask him to do anything or leaving lists, he just does it, the same way I just do it.
From talking to friends though I realise we may be the minority.

coffeepump · 23/09/2022 19:17

bettedaviseyes1999 · 23/09/2022 19:14

Sweet FA. Think it will be the end of us soon.

Absolutely feel the same. Def up being told I'm nagging when in reality it's asking for respect and help?!

OP posts:
Topgub · 23/09/2022 19:17

@coffeepump

Why wouldnt he know what to do or how to do it?

Its hardly rocket science.

coffeepump · 23/09/2022 19:19

I thought it was fairly obvious that it does appear to be rocket science to mine and a few other husbands!

OP posts:
Dollydea · 23/09/2022 19:20

Very little through the week, although he works full time and I don't.
Weekends he's usually up before me and will vac up, tidy round and wash dishes before I come down.
He doesn't do any laundry or cooking, but he does the twice yearly very deep clean when he's on leave.

If I worked full time then too then I'd expect housework to be split down the middle.

WaddleAway · 23/09/2022 19:21

50% of the childcare and 50% of the housework. He’s able to hold down a well paying professional job so I’d laugh in his face if he pretended he was somehow incapable of cooking or hoovering 😂. Thankfully he wouldn’t do that.

coffeepump · 23/09/2022 19:22

WaddleAway · 23/09/2022 19:21

50% of the childcare and 50% of the housework. He’s able to hold down a well paying professional job so I’d laugh in his face if he pretended he was somehow incapable of cooking or hoovering 😂. Thankfully he wouldn’t do that.

Really good point! Mine has a good job and manages a lot of staff, never stresses or makes it look hard but can't work out that if you clean the kitchen you don't leave crumbs on the worktop and dishes in the dirty sink water?!

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 23/09/2022 19:23

My DH will do whatever amount of housework I add to our shared chore app. His claim is that he just doesn’t realize that tasks need to be done otherwise. Since he agreed to do much more than 50% of the actual labor in exchange for me being the manager, I eventually agreed. When he wanted a near even split plus I manage everything that did not work well for me.

Yazo · 23/09/2022 19:24

@coffeepump yep, that and the "you notice it first" it's bollocks, it's not high standards I bet he likes having a reasonably clean home. My husband hates going to his parents house because it's pretty unclean and I often point out how hypocritical he is. If you find a solution let me know. The only thing that has made me feel better is getting a robot hoover and robot mop, they do far more than he does! Otherwise I'd be up for a male cleaner but they're few and far between. No way I'm hiring another woman for him and my boys to see cleaning up their crap. But I do understand for some women it helps. I prefer the robots!

TaraRhu · 23/09/2022 19:24

Half each. We do specific tasks. He takes the bins out, hoovers, does/hangs the washing, most diy. He buys things like toilet paper, cleaning stuff, dog food.

I do most the food shopping and cooking. Clean the kitchen/ bathroom, dust, change beds. I do arrange all the school and childcare stuff. He does bills.

Very fair. We are a good team and I'm very lucky.

Topgub · 23/09/2022 19:25

@coffeepump

Nah.

You cant possibly believe that a grown adult, parent and someone with a job (presumably) doesn't know how to do housework?

Have they never done any housework at all?

katieg03 · 23/09/2022 19:26

Mine works away so when he's home he does everything. Washing, ironing, shopping, cleaning. But when I'm on my own for 3 weeks it's just me, 2 kids, a dog and a full time job that I end up working from home most nights and weekends on top on my mon-fri. When he's home I don't work extra

JulesCobb · 23/09/2022 19:27

we both work ft ooth. Dh does almost all cooking and all food shopping. He drives dd to her hobbies and back. He is in charge of scopay for school. He wfh if dc are ill as i dont have that option. He cleans the cat litter trays the majority of the time and walks the dog the majority of the time. He is in charge of cleaning the kitchen but will occasionally blitz the bathrooms too. When he gets a cleaning bug he just does the whole house. He stress cleans. His job is putting bins out. He makes me a cup of tea every morning and puts it on my bedside table and makes my lunch for work every day.

he isnt a lazy, sexist arsehole.

luxxlisbon · 23/09/2022 19:27

Well I don’t ask usually but I obviously expect him to do it because he is a capable adult who also lives in the house.
It averages out as 50/50 overall. DH does lighter day to day cleaning, I do most of the cooking and the deeper cleaning.
He usually sticks on a wash or two on the days he wfh, folds the washing and sorts it, does a quick once over with the hoover, puts way DDs toys if I put her to bed and then does the dishes and cleans the kitchen while I wash my face before bed.

Topgub · 23/09/2022 19:27

Do they get other people to do stuff for them at work?

Or tell them how to do very basic tasks at work?

Are they one of those horrors thar leaves their coffee cup for someone else to wash?

Testina · 23/09/2022 19:27

First husband: fuck all.
Second husband: at least equal, possibly more as works 80% of my hours.

Wonderful that defective husbands are easily replaced 👍🏻

Olsi109 · 23/09/2022 19:27

Loads. 3 DC's (2 teens and a baby). I work 3 days him 4.5. His half day is one of my work days. I come home and usually the bathroom has been cleaned, washing sorted, hoovering done, lawn mowed if needs it etc. we both like it clean and tidy, granted he's not as extreme as me, but he knows what needs doing, how to do it and just gets on with it. He cooks most days too. My teens also have daily jobs to do.

AlisonDonut · 23/09/2022 19:27

Mine does more of the housework than I do. But then again I didn't marry him. I specifically looked for someone whose house was tidy when we started dating.

RandomMess · 23/09/2022 19:28

We split it.

He does meal planning, food shop, cooking. Laundry - washing, drying, folding.

He does a quick vacuum around weekly.

Share the school run. I do any car taxi duties as he doesn't drive anymore.

NatMoz · 23/09/2022 19:30

He is a better cleaner than me so he cleans the bathroom/kitchen, does DIY, sorts out all car related bills in. I am in charge of food. He will sometimes go food shopping and I'll give him a list. I tidy and I'm responsible for our 9 month old during the week as still on maternity. I usually do all the washing and putting away.

If it was down to my husband our baby would be naked and have no toys, he's only ever bought her a pair of socks 😂

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