Housework v Husband

[coffeepump]

I was wondering how much housework your husbands do around the house without being asked or expected to do it.

For context we're both working from home, office work similar level/volume of work. Flexible hours. 2 young kids both out to school each day for 5 hours.

Get a cleaner - share the cost. Cuts down on a massive amount of resentment.

I’m very lucky in how much housework my husband does. He probably does more than me BUT, I carry the mental load for everything so I think it equals out.
I sort all family arrangements, birthdays, Christmas, finances for nursery.

Men who leave stuff at their backsides while being able to hold down demanding paid rôles ultimately think of their wives/partners as the staff.

I'm sorry, this is unacceptable of him.

Just stop doing things for him, to the extent that you can. Don't cook supper, don't clean up, don't put the duvet cover on. Focus on DD/dogs. If he asks, tell him it's 'not hard' to do the things that you do so he can bloody well do them.

50:50. We both clean, order food, load dishwasher…whatever. He doesn’t need to be told what to do. He is an adult so it is as obvious to him as it is to me what needs to be done. We both work full time, in the office or at home.

I’m a control freak and everything has to be done my way so I’m happy to do it all. We do however have an old fashioned pink/blue jobs split which works really well for us as I hate touching the bins/cutting the grass/maintaining the cars. He is useless at cooking and cleaning so that’s mine. If you’re struggling with the current split of jobs then assign certain ones based on what each of you are good at and don’t really hate. At least once he knows what’s his, he’ll more likely just get on with it

Very little done without being asked to.
My standard phrase is, " if you're looking for a job...can you hang up the washing/ make the bed/ hoover the bedrooms".

He does wash dinner dishes and irons...so that's something. I suppose.

He's made a conscious decision to not do much regardless of how much it causes an atmosphere.

Once done he disappears to his office to WFH...🙄😖

Not much in terms of housework but he does more than half the school runs and cooking. He’s takes the bins out and washes up a couple of times a week and packs clean clothes away. I do all the housework and washing but we also have a cleaner twice a month so I don’t feel like I’ve got a bad deal. He will do anything I ask of him but won’t just see it needs doing. He also does the food shop. We are a good team I think .

I live on my own because my idle husbands had a habit of being dumped.
I find being treated like a maid is grounds for divorce.
I have a friend at work who is full time with 2 kids under 4 one of them breastfeeding whose husband does FA and the kids don't expect.
She comes in and cries and falls aeep over her work.
How can someone who asked you to marry them see you on your knees and do nothing?

@Yazo I'm so sorry that you married my ExH!

We are pretty equal. We shop together. I know that's frowned on on mn but heyho I like to decide what I want and I can't carry so that's what we do.
He does all DIY. Cooking. Dishwasher (apparently I don't do it right) suits me. I do washing he hangs it out. He isn't a fan of cleaning bathrooms but will do it. The only thing he's shit at is making the bed oh and folding jumpers and t shirts.

DH does very little cooking and housework (maybe 80%?)
BUT - he is always busy - either doing DIY or gardening or being treasurer or this and that.
I do very little gardening and DIY. I feel guilty if I want to sit down during the daytime as he will be off doing something or other.

It all evens out in the end.

I'm angry reading this thread. Like.one of other posters my ex used to say "it's not hard to.....insert one job i asked him to do......." in a very sarcastic manner. Usually cooking when i had had enough. He said " it's not hard to cook" ...erm it is when you do it EVery single day for 20 yrs. Its exhausting. Got rid of him disrespectful and lazy. So much happier now

Not as much as me, but he does do all the nursery pick ups and a lot of the mornings.

We have a good balance, most of the time.

I'm the breadwinner and also do the cooking, cleaning, food shopping ,laundry and carry the mental load and all childcare.

I married a lazy arsehole who I didn't know was an arsehole at the time and as with each year gotten worse .

With each passing day I feel I'm getting closer to have the strength to leave .

I feel you OP, I work full time, DH part time and yet I do the shopping, the cleaning and cooking. All he does is the laundry and thinks this is enough. However I'm at the stage where its easier just to it and not argue.

None unless he’s asked. And it drives me up the wall. For context I earn twice as much as he does and feel that I carry the financial burden of the family as well as everything else.

I do most of the housework, cooking and childcare as I work PT and at home more. DP is the main breadwinner running two businesses including working most evenings and weekends. 50/50 would not work for us or be fair.

DP can cook but is too busy or too tired to cook, so he’ll buy a takeaway if I’m out for the evening and I haven’t cooked. I tend to bulk cook and freeze, as I don’t have the energy or time to cook from scratch most days. DP cooked a lot during lockdown.

I’m fussy and like things done my way, so I’ve struggled getting my head around getting a cleaner. I don’t mind temporary mess, but I like a clean home, so I clean as I go along. I don’t like dirty mess to pile up, so we’d need to have a Cleaner attend everyday which would be expensive. If I’ve been particularly busy and it all goes to 5hit, DP will get on with it, especially if we’re expecting guests lol.
I’d rather have a Cook than a Cleaner.
We have a well established garden and luckily inherited a Gardener.

DP does most AM school runs and some PM school runs if I can’t make it. DP has to do the AM school run when I’m working at the office. He collects one DC from an after-school activity club once a wk and also takes one DC to his business to attend another extra curricular activity 2-3 times pw. He occasionally takes half and full days away from work for family days out during school holidays. He’s taken older two DC on short day work trips abroad over the years, including longer long haul trips abroad with his Mum tagging along once to help with DC. Youngest DC is excited for their turn.

I think our set up is fair and DP loves spending time with our DC, so I don’t mind doing most of the housework. Although, I refuse to pick up clothing that DP can’t be bothered to put in the laundry basket.

All 3 DC have age appropriate household chores.

DP does more because his working hours are less. He is not helping and I am not lucky, it is his responsibility too.

It has always been this way. I'm not sure how you can change a lazy uncaring person.

I would probably list all tasks and split them. I would stop cooking and doing laundry if they did not pull their weight. Deeply unattractive.

Mine does sweet FA. Just likes to make more mess it seems….. beyond f’d off with it to be honest.

I do all washing, drying and full clean once per week. I walk the dog. I organise group family social events. I buy clothes for kids.

He does general cleaning, all vacuuming, half of cooking, does tip runs, all school runs, most school stuff. All renovation work. He organises our social events for us 2 and holidays.

I am at home more than my DH so I do a lot of the housework, I see our DS more as well so when my DH finishes work, we think it's more important he spends time with our DS as I have time to do more of the housework.

But my DH does cook tea after work if we are still out and about (maybe twice a week out of the 5), he always does the dishes and tidies the kitchen and he does the ironing.
I do the washing, hoovering and general tidying. Although we all tidy up after ourselves as we go (even our 5 year old knows that's the rule) so it's not a massive job.

We don't have massively high standards, just normal, it's not a show house but it's not messy.

Is he doing the chores but they are just not meeting your standards so you are "moaning" at him. It's hard to say really, if his cleaning is adequate that's fine but if he is purposefully doing a bad job in the hope he doesn't get asked to do it, thats really disrespectful.

But the only thing that matters is that it's not making you happy, there is no set amount a partner should do, it's what works in your specific case, if he's not doing enough to make you happy, then it's not enough.

I didn't see(missed) what his response is when you tell he's not doing enough ?