Friend lunch - not invited

[skgnome]

I’ll start by saying I know I’m probably unreasonable - but I would like a sanity check
old friend from Uni is coming to the city we live
he was very close friends with DH, but I also considered him a good friend (have know him for 15+ years) - I admit, I always was the GF/OH of his friend
anyway he texted DH and a bunch of others (male and female) to say “I’m around, lunch at x…” informal place, everyone paying for themselves
DH mentions it, assuming I was also on the WhatsApp group (I’m not) and when it turns out I’m not on the group - he takes it as I’m not invited, so he’s going for lunch not me
I’m honestly pissed - yes he can have his own friends, and yes he can go for lunch with whoever he decides… but still Sunday lunch! and a large group of mutual friends are invited!
sort of annoyed at friend for not including me, at DH for not inviting me
give it to me straight - I know I’m unreasonable - but what now?

I’d assume you were invited tbh
check before you get upset

He probably assumes you're coming as the plus one of his friend, in the same way you've known him in the past. Your dh is being really rude.

The problem is your dh not inviting you! No issue with him going without you if you couldn't come out you didn't know the others but if these are all people you know well that's wierd behaviour from him... Probably an oversight from friend, it's easily done but I'd message and ask

I'd assume I was invited as well in your shoes

But if I was unsure my DH wouldn't be a dick about it and would check.

He would want me to come & wouldn't try and exclude

I’d assume that both were coming if i set up a WhatsApp group for a get together and I knew both of the couple, even if only one couple was in the group

Thanks, that’s what I’m thinking, he sent the invite as come with your partner, and my DH is being a bit of an ass for no reason!

Sounds like DH doesn’t want you to come. If it me was in this situation I’d reply to my friend saying ‘great we can make it, see you then’. It’s your partner keeping you away, not the friend.

I would have assumed you were invited too

I assume the invitation to DP is for both of you.

Yeah DH is being a knob

In that situation I'd assume that you were invited. It's DH who's being weird about it. Why?

Yeah, I would assume you were invited - this happens in our friendship group all the time and the assumption is You - if you are in a couple - is both of you.

Could you contact friend yourself? Teach DH a lesson.

Are all the other partners etc on the WhatsApp group or are others left off it as you have been?

How hard would it be for your husband to privately message friend to confirm you were included. I'd be pretty pissed off with my husband if he didn't at least try to clarify matters.

He sounds like a thoughtless git.

I would have assumed you were invited

Why would you not just tag along? My DH always drags me along with him and would have assumed I was also invited.
I’d text the friend in a breezy manner and ask if the invite is extended to you as well.

If there are some other couples and then I’d assume you are going.

Are the others couples as well or just the group of friends?
If its other couples too then I'd be miffed but it's just the friends then there's only so many 'do you remember that one time (at band camp!)......' when it's not your memory so that wouldn't bother me so much.

Wah?? If DHs friends did this so long as it was mixed sex we’d both presume I was invited. Being honest even if it wasn’t mixed sex his friends wouldn’t care if I came or not, often a random WAG appears at meet ups and no one bats an eye lid.

I regularly only invite one half of a couple I'm friends with on the assumption they're both coming. It's your husband who's being weird, not your friend.

I suggest you message friend and say can he please add you to the WhatsApp lunch group as you are getting the info second hand from H. You have most likely been missed off accidentally. I've of my best friends managed to miss me off a Facebook birthday event though she added my husband (who ignored it as he always relies on me to reply for both of us). I had no idea until friend messaged me direct to ask if I could come as no reply and much to her embarrassment and my amusement we worked out the error.

I would be really fucked off with your H for deciding that you aren't invited, directly or indirectly and rather than querying this he is just going without you!

What is your DH problem? That's so incredibly rude and nasty.

Any idea why your DH does not want you there?

I would as well. We offended someone with this a few years ago, my DH was speaking to her DH and asked him to come round with the GC as we had ours round. We got a message saying she was very offended and we were totally confused as we would go for meals or meet up as couples, I can only think of one occasion when we didn't and that was when the husbands went to a reunion which we weren't part of, even weirder to think we'd invite him and the GC round and expect her to stay at home.

To be honest we have had a lot less contact to the point we haven't seen them since before covid, I just don't have the patience for the drama.