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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend lunch - not invited

127 replies

skgnome · 23/09/2022 16:15

I’ll start by saying I know I’m probably unreasonable - but I would like a sanity check
old friend from Uni is coming to the city we live
he was very close friends with DH, but I also considered him a good friend (have know him for 15+ years) - I admit, I always was the GF/OH of his friend
anyway he texted DH and a bunch of others (male and female) to say “I’m around, lunch at x…” informal place, everyone paying for themselves
DH mentions it, assuming I was also on the WhatsApp group (I’m not) and when it turns out I’m not on the group - he takes it as I’m not invited, so he’s going for lunch not me
I’m honestly pissed - yes he can have his own friends, and yes he can go for lunch with whoever he decides… but still Sunday lunch! and a large group of mutual friends are invited!
sort of annoyed at friend for not including me, at DH for not inviting me
give it to me straight - I know I’m unreasonable - but what now?

OP posts:
Mintine · 17/11/2022 09:11

I think he wanted to invite your husband, I realise it might be annoying but I’d let him see his friend without you in tow.

unfortunateevents · 17/11/2022 09:37

ZOMBIE
Yet another thread bumped by the new algorithm. FFS, MNHQ sort this out!
This lunch was presumably about two months ago!

ShouldIdo · 17/11/2022 09:45

skgnome · 23/09/2022 16:25

Thanks, that’s what I’m thinking, he sent the invite as come with your partner, and my DH is being a bit of an ass for no reason!

Agreed

maddy68 · 17/11/2022 09:47

If other couples are going. Then you are invited. If it's just a mixed group off his friends then that's ok and it's just friends not partners.

Or maybe your DH wants to see his friends without you

All these scenarios are perfectly ok

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 17/11/2022 09:51

Your DH doesn't want you there. I'd be wondering why?

SmileyClare · 17/11/2022 09:53

Urgh another old thread that’s now irrelevant because it happened last September.

im blaming the new “threads suggested for you” which now pops up at the bottom of the screen!

Pompomsfantastix · 17/11/2022 09:58

Do you have kids and he’s assuming you’ll be in charge of childcare while your dh goes and catches up? Either way, I’d assume I was invited in your position! Cheeky H!

NKFell · 17/11/2022 10:02

I wonder if she went.

Tiddlywinkly · 17/11/2022 10:07

Old thread! Yes, I wonder what happened

Twospaniels · 17/11/2022 10:20

skgnome · 23/09/2022 16:25

Thanks, that’s what I’m thinking, he sent the invite as come with your partner, and my DH is being a bit of an ass for no reason!

So you have been invited!
Just point this out to your husband and go along.
If he goes on his own I would like to bet that everyone will be asking where you are and he will look like a dick if he says he thought you weren’t invited

Twospaniels · 17/11/2022 10:21

Tiddlywinkly · 17/11/2022 10:07

Old thread! Yes, I wonder what happened

Oh I’m so annoyed I didn’t notice this before I replied. I do usually try to check the date of the OP

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/11/2022 10:23

The natural assumption here would be that you are invited.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/11/2022 10:24

Ah rats, another old thread

newfence · 17/11/2022 10:28

I know it's an old thread but I would also like to know if the OP went as well Grin

Did you go @skgnome....?

WindUpPenguin · 17/11/2022 10:30

I see three possibilities here:
(1) your DH wants to go without you for some reason.
(2) your DH is overthinking things - he is worried you are not invited and it is easier for him to assume this and go alone than asking and possibly being embarrassed if the answer is no.
(3) your DH knows you are not invited - either the friend, or someone else in the group (or even multiple people) have an issue with you for some reason and DH knows you are not welcome.

As you have said "DH mentions it, assuming I was also on the WhatsApp group" I assume it is option one or two. Does your DH normally struggle to pick up on social cues, have any form or social anxiety or overthink social situations?

PearlclutchersInc · 17/11/2022 10:37

Get your OH to ask if you're invited. If not, it may be that you see the relationship differently to your "friend".

PearlclutchersInc · 17/11/2022 10:39

PearlclutchersInc · 17/11/2022 10:37

Get your OH to ask if you're invited. If not, it may be that you see the relationship differently to your "friend".

Oh bugger, another old thread. That'll teach me to look at the date.

TheMatlockMangle · 17/11/2022 11:04

I wonder if all the ressurected threads are to do with the new "you may also enjoy" feature, or whatever it's called?

Pr1mr0se · 17/11/2022 11:20

Just clarify it with your friend. Then you can go if you want too without any worry. Hope you have a nice lunch catching up with people.

MissMarpleRocks · 17/11/2022 11:33

OLD THREAD
OLD THREAD

NKFell · 17/11/2022 11:43

@skgnome did you go? Please update us!

OLD THREAD

Blueblell · 18/11/2022 22:01

Yes! He assumes you are coming anyway

Dobby123456 · 07/04/2023 08:08

skgnome · 23/09/2022 16:15

I’ll start by saying I know I’m probably unreasonable - but I would like a sanity check
old friend from Uni is coming to the city we live
he was very close friends with DH, but I also considered him a good friend (have know him for 15+ years) - I admit, I always was the GF/OH of his friend
anyway he texted DH and a bunch of others (male and female) to say “I’m around, lunch at x…” informal place, everyone paying for themselves
DH mentions it, assuming I was also on the WhatsApp group (I’m not) and when it turns out I’m not on the group - he takes it as I’m not invited, so he’s going for lunch not me
I’m honestly pissed - yes he can have his own friends, and yes he can go for lunch with whoever he decides… but still Sunday lunch! and a large group of mutual friends are invited!
sort of annoyed at friend for not including me, at DH for not inviting me
give it to me straight - I know I’m unreasonable - but what now?

If you are his friend's other half, does he even have your phone number to include you in the WhatsApp group. I really doubt he intended to exclude you. What difference does one person make if you're all paying for yourselves?

CuriousMama · 07/04/2023 09:37

ZOMBIE

WhiteBloatus · 07/04/2023 09:39

You definitely definitely would’ve been assumed to be coming as a plus one who knows all involved. Your husband fancied catching up without you!