To feel completely overwhelmed by breastfeeding a newborn?

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My baby is 4 weeks old today, and I’m finding the challenges of breastfeeding are really affecting my mental health.

My latch is fine, I think, but I have flat nipples, baby had a tongue tie (now snipped) and he was born a tiny 6lbs so I think a very small mouth. My nipples have been ransacked and I feel really hopeless about them healing.

I get utterly overwhelmed when he cluster feeds, or seems particularly voracious at the boob. I have such little faith in my body and worry he’s not getting enough milk.

He had a couple of green nappies (now back to healthy mustard yellow) and I felt overwhelmed by worry that he’d gone hungry.

I also HATE night feeds - I feel so stressed and lonely having to do it on my own and get incredibly stressed about positioning. I find a flailing, crying baby SO hard to manoeuvre - I do my best to tuck him against me tight and keep him in a straight line - but I feel so fumbly with his little body and when he’s screaming it’s all I can do just to hold it together.

I have wonderful support from a very hands-on partner.

Will it get easier? Will my nipples heal? I’m a rollercoaster of emotions every day and feeling at the end of my tether! Everyone I know did not experience anywhere near this level of difficulty with breastfeeding and I feel like a big failure 😞

Oh and I left out the most debilitating part - which is the pain! It bloody hurts and it makes me dread feeding. I just feel so hopeless :(

You don’t need to worry about whether he’s getting enough - breastfed babies fed directly from the breast get exactly what they need. It’s biologically designed for them.

Cluster feeding is also normal.

You do what you need to do (eg formula feed) but my experience is yes it does get better and yes your nipples will heal. Hang on in there, if you want to

If it hurts your latch is not fine. It should not hurt.

You need to see a lactation specialist. Find your local breastfeeding support group - they will have one.

In the kindest way possible…. How determined are you to flog yourself over this?

Nipple shields are your friend here while you heal.

It does get easier, once you’ve both got the hang of it it will be painless and easy, it’s still early days.

I found multi mam nipple pads brilliant to heal mine, as well as Lansinoh every feed before and after.

Jelonet for your poor nipples and lansinoh every feed should help a bit.

Is there someone that can give you some advice like a local la leche league?

I found it all clicked jnto place for us around 6 weeks but you've done amazing to get this far. There's no shame in stopping if you feel done.

I’m sure people will add some practical advice about breastfeeding, which I hope is helpful.

But I just wanted to say don’t feel bad if you decide you want to stop. Yes breastfeeding is beneficial, but your mental health is extremely important too. I felt an immense sense of relief when I stoped, I found it incredibly stressful.

I carried on till 3 months but combined it with formula feeding so at least I had a few hours break.

Also make sure you dry your nipples properly and apply Lansinoh cream after each feed.

Yes they will heal and yes it gets easier. I reckon in about two weeks, things will be dramatically better. I had badly damaged nipples this time round and pumped for a couple of days to give them a chance to heal.
Sometimes a baby's mouth just needs to grow a bit to get a comfier latch.

You're almost through the tough bit so you've got this!

It is really tough going but your baby will be getting enough.
I had to try a few positions at first to find something I found easy and comfortable especially for night feeds when I was exhausted.
Definitely see if there are any breastfeeding groups you can go to that can help with latch as mine was off to start with and it took a while to heal.
Lots of Lansinoh nipple cream and perseverance with positions and you'll get there.

Cluster feeding is so tough aswell but it's all a phase

I used to cry at the thought of feeding time. I was in agony and DS wasn’t particularly enjoying it either. His mouth rootling desperately against my red raw nipples is a pain I’ll never forget.

switched to bottles. I expressed what I could for as long as I could. Topped up with formula. The relief was immense and we had lovely cuddly feeding times.

Sound like your having a really tough time but it doesn't last forever and it will get easier.
Harder said than done but try to trust your body and your baby as much as possible. You both know what to do, you need to try to turn into your instincts as much as you can.
Practically do you have any breastfeeding support helplines or groups in your area? Also accept that for the next month or so you might not do much apart from feeding but that's still achieving a lot. Let everything else slide or your partner or any others offering to help pick up cleaning, cooking etc.
Sending lots of solidarity, it's really tough.

I combination fed mine with both breastfeeding, bottled breast milk and formula.

The combination worked well for us and babies had been struggling due to poor supply first baby and tongue tie for second baby. Pumping and bottle feeding was easier for both with formula to top up as needed.

There are lots of options and I really feel that fed is best!

Don't feel guilty about trying something different if it works better for you and baby.

Breastfeeding does get easier for most people so if that's what you want to do go for it, if not look at formula or pumping.

Good luck

Second lansinoh, that really helps and definitely worth going to a local breastfeeding group - ask someone experienced e.g. LLL counsellor to check latch. It takes at least 4-6 weeks to establish and it really does get easier 💕

I should add that DD2 is 3mo now and feeding is a dream, quick and painless, which seemed so unlikely in those early weeks! But once you get over the hump, it can very quickly become straightforward. Just allow your nipples time to heal if you can and maybe get some face to face support if you haven't already. A good lactation consultant is worth their weight in gold.

Get a second opinion on the latch, you shouldn't have pain! Find an IBCLC.

P.s. Once I started bottle feeding before bed (weather breastmilk or formula) they both slept better overnight straightaway. Those few hour blocks (4hours, built up to 8hrs after a few weeks) of sleep through the night rather than constantly being woken up did my mental health the world of good, and my physical health.

I found feeding hard with my first - I mix fed (one top up feed) until 8 weeks then ebf until 10 months. mix fed second until 3 weeks and ebf since then.

it can be hard settling a baby to feed and so stressful when they are crying - solidarity! Does pacing before he feeds help so he is calmer?

I fed with nipple shields. Had small baby with a lip tie. Worked for me and you might want to try it to see if it helps. Good luck! Xx

Yes it gets better! I have a 16 week old who also had a tounge tie that was cut at a week old. After a few week or so of struggling at night I got a rocking chair and a variety of pillows and sat in the for all nights feeds. I also introduced a bottle at 2/3 weeks to give my nipples a break and my partner gives it which is a massive help.

I can feed him anywhere in any position now and don’t use any of the pillows and have been able to for a good few weeks (all a blur but probably from 9/10 weeks). They all really helped when establishing feeding though.

Try nipple shields, hopefully and cold compressions, Laninoh nipple cream and also using breast milk on your nipples (I was told it has healing properties)!

Contact your local breastfeeding support also to see what they offer.

OP you need 🍫 and ☕️ it IS tough getting to grips with breastfeeding.

what’s his weight gain like? How are you feeling physically?

Sorry about the typos - hot and cold*

I found the pain so awful at that stage, when you're exhausted and just out of reserves to cope.

Rest your nipples as much as you can - try alternate sides so that each is only being used every second feed. Lash on the creams. Wet healing worked very well for me - let a breast pad get soaked in your milk and leave it in your bra. Everyone says to air them but that just made it worse for me. Nipple shields helped me second time round - I just used them on the worst side so she wouldn't get used to them.

Definitely get someone who knows what they're doing to check the latch.

The bottom line is that yes it will get easier and you'll both get a bit better at it. In time it will become the easiest thing in the world to wave a nipple somewhere near their face and then watch TV while they get on with it. But, getting to that stage is HARD, and it's perfectly fine to stop any time you want.

Either way, you're doing great, hang in there. You couldn't pay me to go back to the newborn stage.

Lansinoh Is a miracle for nipples.

If you are getting pain you could try taking a paracetamol every 4 hours.

Also have a glass of wine with your evening feed. It will make you feel human.

It can be a struggle, I had painful nipples, deep tissue thrush and a real struggle, then at about 9 weeks we realised we had it sussed and it became a doddle. I then definitely had an easier time than my FF friends and was very glad I stuck at it.

As a mum, whatever choice you make will be used as a stick to beat you, or for you to beat yourself. That’s just a part of motherhood we have to toughen up to.

Multi-MAM compresses are great - expensive but work wonders. You want wet wound healing on nipples so keep them moist with the Mam compresses or jelonet or similar. You don't want them scabbing and dry. I also liked the silver nipple cups with some breast milk dripped inside.

I just wanted to send you a massive hug. My baby is 3 weeks old, was 6lbs 2 and has just had his tongue tie snipped, we're in the process of re learning to breast feed comfortably. I can completely understand the night feeds too, it's such a lonely time even if you have someone right there next to you.