To feel completely overwhelmed by breastfeeding a newborn?

[StolenCookie]

My baby is 4 weeks old today, and I’m finding the challenges of breastfeeding are really affecting my mental health.

My latch is fine, I think, but I have flat nipples, baby had a tongue tie (now snipped) and he was born a tiny 6lbs so I think a very small mouth. My nipples have been ransacked and I feel really hopeless about them healing.

I get utterly overwhelmed when he cluster feeds, or seems particularly voracious at the boob. I have such little faith in my body and worry he’s not getting enough milk.

He had a couple of green nappies (now back to healthy mustard yellow) and I felt overwhelmed by worry that he’d gone hungry.

I also HATE night feeds - I feel so stressed and lonely having to do it on my own and get incredibly stressed about positioning. I find a flailing, crying baby SO hard to manoeuvre - I do my best to tuck him against me tight and keep him in a straight line - but I feel so fumbly with his little body and when he’s screaming it’s all I can do just to hold it together.

I have wonderful support from a very hands-on partner.

Will it get easier? Will my nipples heal? I’m a rollercoaster of emotions every day and feeling at the end of my tether! Everyone I know did not experience anywhere near this level of difficulty with breastfeeding and I feel like a big failure 😞

My first baby was quite painful too to feed til about 6 weeks when it started to get easier. It hurt me too, swearing type pain & my latch was fine but think the damage was done in the first few days and it kept getting irritated. Lots of Lanisoh worked before and after feeds- it’s ok if baby ingests it I think so before feeds helped.
I also found a local breastfeeding support group which helped.
You can pump and give it in a bottle to give nipples a rest if baby accepts a bottle. I was exhausted in first few weeks and mine actually had the odd bottle of formula from
my husband as he took the bottle so well.
It definitely gets easier…! My while
body ache from all the positions I used to try at night I completely feel for you.
I would get my husband up to watch me
feed if I felt too sleepy.
hope it gets easier for you ❤️

It will get easier. Go to see a breastfeeding support group asap.

Just to add on with support in whatever you decide to do! Your mental health matters and it really doesn’t matter in the long run whether baby is breast fed or formula fed - as long as you and baby are happy and healthy that’s the main thing.

I had a horrible start with breastfeeding - mastitis in week 1, lots of bleeding, let down pain, latch pain. You name it, I had it!

Someone told me it suddenly gets loads easier by itself in 6 to 8 weeks and they were completely right.

I'm now 13 weeks in and I love breastfeeding 🥰

Only persevere if you really want to, but I'm so glad I did!

I couldn't breastfeed my first two children and ended up back in hospital for 10 days/14 days retrospectively. It broke my heart.

My now 8 month old has been exclusively breastfed with no issues whatsoever. He latched on very easily... no pain... I still cannot believe it. It leads me to think that sometimes it is pure luck of the draw.

A couple of things I would recommend... silver nipple shields! They work wonders for healing and I've tried everything - cost was no issue. I had the silver plated which were a lot cheaper than solid ones. Secondly a pillow made by 'my brest friend'. My friend recommended it (after a lactation nurse to her) and it is a game changer! There is no need to faff trying to get the baby aligned... and they stay put with your hands free. Previously I tried a cheaper version and for some weird reason it wasn't the same and didn't work.

Another friend of mine had inverted nipples and swore by nipple shields.

I hope it works out for you! But if not, be kind to yourself.

First things first - the pain is not normal - common yes, but not normal. It should not be hurting you, and certainly not enough to make you dread each feed. Nipple sheilds might help with that, or a different latch/position (I often found the rugby hold with baby sort of under my armpit more comfortable). A lactation consultant might help or ask your health visitor if your area runs 'breastfeeding cafes' where you can meet other people in similar positions and get some support from them? Nipper cream might help you heal as well.

Secondly - cluster feeding is completely normal. That doesn't mean it isn't bloody hard and exhausting! I know you say you have good support from your husband and that's great, but do make sure you are taking care of yourself too. A sling/baby carrier might help, I found that I could get baby to latch while in the carrier and get on with my day (took quite some practice admittedly).

Thirdly - green nappies can be a number of things, including colds and your diet. As long as the baby is having plenty of wet and dirty nappies and gaining weight well then they should be getting enough from you. I couldn't express more than half an oz, but my daughter still has the occasional breastfeed now at age 3! (It works for us - I know many people wouldn't want breastfeed this long).

Lastly - breastfeeding is amazing - when it's working for you and baby. When it's not working and you've tried everything you are willing to try and it's just causing you to feel anxious/stressed and you just really aren't enjoying it, then there is nothing wrong with formula. There might be ways to fix the problems you are experiencing, but if you find that it's all more hassle than it's worth then there is no shame whatsoever in throwing in the towel and doing what is best for you. Don't let yourself get hung up on what is essentially a tiny part of motherhood.

@StolenCookie - hugs. Lots and lots of hugs

this was me, exactly 5 weeks ago. I was crying over my 6 week old because she’d woken up again and that meant feeding her and the pain was excruciating. Yes, my latch had now been fixed, but I needed a week or so to let my pop nipples recover and she was feeding every hour and there wasn’t any time.

nipple shields helped IMMENSELY - you can get them on Amazon for about £7 or so for 2. It means the baby isn’t sucking on the nipple directly but sort of around it, if that makes sense. I also started pumping and the instant sheer relief of getting out breast milk without pain was so wonderful I cried.

we’re now on a mixture of expressed, formula and once a day “proper” breastfeeding and I’m finally enjoying it.

be kind to yourself. My partner eventually opened up our pumping machine because he said it wasn’t worth the pain watching me cry and struggle to feed her when there are lots of other ways to feed a baby

This type of thing OP

www.boots.com/mam-nipple-shields-size-1-10231687?cm_mmc=bmm-buk-google-ppc--PLAs--Mother_Baby-_-UK_Smart_Shopping_Baby_Google&gbraid=0AAAAADrIajUeiS1e2LR1WsHAjdU1IrURB&gbraid=0AAAAADrIajUeiS1e2LR1WsHAjdU1IrURB&gclid=Cj0KCQjwsrWZBhC4ARIsAGGUJuoTqE4OxVywVIqAXPs0z9BRUID1hkJg9YD0u-p0tOMKEK-6nPZIJtcaAsDsEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Nipple shields

Oh and one piece of advice that I found got me through some of the really hard stages was: just take it one day at a time.

If it hurts your latch is not fine. It should not hurt.

In the early days it does - nipples need to toughen up.

Friend swore by nipple shields and she successfully fed 4 babies. Give one bottle at night so you can get some sleep. No harm in combo feeding

If it hurts you have a bad latch. Unlatch and retry. Yes it gets easier over time but there are still times I still wince or want to scream when feeding my 18month old. On the whole it's a positive experience but it's definitely not all rosy and magical like some people make out. However the top bit is true, fix your latch!!!

There are no medals in parenthood OP, all you can do is your best. In fact, when your kid is 3 and eating chicken nuggets off the floor and licking his friend's snotty cheeks you'll wonder why you ever tied yourself in knots over this. If you're looking for permission to bottle feed, do, if you're looking for reassurance that it will get better then it will with time but ultimately your comfort matters too. You haven't failed if you use nipple shields, pumps or combo feed. Good luck, I know how hard it is.

It is years ago now but I had the same circumstances with my DS. Flat nipples, tongue tie, destroyed nipples. I found nipple shields great. For night feeds I fed him in my bed. I took the side off his big cot, strapped the cot to my bed so there was no gaps and just slide him across to feed. I actually found that I weaned him off the shields quicker at night than in the daytime when he still behaved like he was a piranha fish. I strongly recommend laid back breastfeeding where you lie propped up (I found the arm of the vouch really good) and let him move ti the breast it gave the deepest latch onto the flat nipples. It is horrible. I wish you the best.

Hugs to you and well done.

It does get easier (I'm sat here writing this feeding my 8 month old).

I had two crap breastfeeding experiences at the start with both babies - pain, shredded nipples, low supply, latch issues.

By far the best thing I did was get a private home visit from an IBCLC. Best money I've ever spent both times. For me, the NHS support groups etc were just nothing compared to private compassionate one on one support.

I will also say there is no shame in stopping or giving some formula. Both my babies have had to have formula and I know lots of women who stopped and are happier for it.

Jelonet dressings and silver nipple cups also really saved me with my current baby.

All the best to you 💐

I really recommend Silverette nipple shields. Nothing else helped my nipples recover so fast in those early days and I have happily BF two babies.

If you are keen to continue, would it help to reframe the time you spend BF?

• only you can do this for your baby, and it is a very special bond
• that time in the middle of the night is just for the two of you, special and intimate and cosy and close
• BF forces you to stop and focus on the baby, but you can also use that time to do something for you. Perhaps watch some telly, or I read dozens of books on my phone with free apps like BorrowBox
• BF is super cheap - and it makes preparing to leave the house much easier because all you need is you, no sterilising and mixing and packing needed

Whatever you decide, best of luck OP.

Just came on to give you a supportive hug. I could have written this when my little one was 4 weeks (he's 14 months now and still breastfeeding him).
It does get easier OP. But my god it hurts sometimes. I tried nipple shields but found them uncomfortable (also flat nipples). Was your LO tongue tie cut recently? Mine was done around this point and they have to totally re-learn how to feed. Hence why you might be feeling pain. It does get easier.
I remember someone saying to me '4 days (crazy first days), 4 weeks (you are getting there) and 4 months (cracked it).
If it's making you miserable, maybe express a couple of feeds and feed them from a bottle? Or give a bit of formula?
Take care of yourself OP, it's really really hard.

Lansinoh is the best! The first 6 weeks are tough, but after that it should become relatively straightforward and pain free. I hated the first couple of months feeding mine, but once it became established, it was super easy, and I was glad I persevered. Obviously if the pain is getting too much, and you're feeling your mental health is struggling too much, there's always the option to express, or switch to formula. Whatever works for you op. X

Multimam compresses are a life saver keep them in the fridge for extra relief and cut them in half as they aren't the cheapest thing!

Your doing brilliantly and definitely not a failure! Breastfeeding is bloody tough early days it most definitely does get easier but takes time.
You can if you want express either by a hakaa or pump and get partner to give 1 bottle a day or at night if needing a bit of rest.
Are you going to a bf group or clinic? I really recommend doing so and getting some face to face support as they are great at suggestions for what helps but also showing you how to do it.

It is hard, really hard. Depends if you want to make it your hill to die on or not. I ended up trying to BF DTs, who wouldn't latch, and pump. That way insanity lies.

Do what you need to do for you and your baby, they really won't care / know or remember.

I think the key thing is to try and change things up a bit and find what works for you. Whilst in hospital after the birth I was really struggling with breastfeeding, not because of supply or latch but more just handling the baby and getting in the right position. I tried a different hold which is apparently called the rugby hold where the baby faces the other way with her legs facing backwards. And it just clicked. It was so much easier for us. When she had her tongue tie cut the midwife was really trying to pressure me into feeding the 'traditional' way so I tried it again, but it just doesn't work for us so I've gone back to rugby hold.

I also found the MAM Nipple Sheilds a godsend. Try not to use for every feed, but every other for example. It really does help, I didn't get any of the sharp pain at all. They are a bit of a pain to put on but once you suss it it's a piece of cake. I found that after a week or so of using them my nipples had toughened up to the point that feeding was no longer painful at all. Again, midwife didn't like these but they made it bearable for me.

Another thing that has made my life easier is Elvie breast cups. I couldn't get on with the breast pads, I hated the feeling of them being damp in my bra and found that it was quite painful for my nipple to rub against my bra. The cups are a hard shell with rubber on the inside with a little hole for your nipple. They were a gamechanger for me, it allowed my nipple some space without rubbing, and the bonus being that you collect leakage. I empty mine every couple of hours and over the course of 24 hours I collect enough milk for one feed, and my daughter is nearly 16 weeks, I used to get far more when my milk was coming in but now it has settled. I just pop the collected milk in the fridge and combine in a bottle. So that could be another help if you have somebody that could help you out with a nightfeed from a bottle?

Again, trial and error with bottles! My baby just would not take a Tommee Tippee bottle, it was hell. I did a bit of research and replaced with MAM bottles and she was absolutely fine straight away.

Final thing that I've found is being careful with pumping (if you are doing that of course). I have a double pump and one side wasn't quite attached correctly. I didn't notice at the time whilst I was pumping but when I put the baby on the boob at her next feed it was agony. I think I had essentially given myself a love bite to the nipple. It was not nice! I now make sure that I don't have the suction too high and its positioned correctly.

All babies and boobs are different, just do what works for you both. Easier said than done but please try not to worry, the more you stress about it the harder it will be. Whether it's breastmilk or formula, so long as your baby is gaining weight, that's all that matters. Don't beat yourself up and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

PS - I'm very sorry for my waffling, I didn't realise how long my message was until I got to the end!

All these lovely replies have made me cry! Thank you so much. The most reassuring thing is hearing others were in the same place as me.

Personally I don’t think I believe the “it wouldn’t hurt if latch was right” narrative. I’ve scoured Mumsnet and plenty of women (who went on to successfully EBF) said it hurt like a #%$*^ the first few weeks and then, for no reason, suddenly got better. Although of course if the latch is wrong it WILL hurt so I understand that latch is extremely important.

I’m trying out nipple shields and it works great on my left boob but the right doesn’t seem to drain as well and bub seems pretty unsettled after feeding with one. Broke my heart when I thought I’d found the perfect solution and it hasn’t quite worked out as well as I’d hoped.

I’m going to take it a feed at a time and pray my nipples live to see Christmas!

Also the post about one day seeing my boy eating chicken nuggets off the floor gave me a good laugh so thank you for that bit of much needed perspective!

Previous posters have given you great advice! Forgive me I haven't read them all, but what helped me during the night feeds during the early weeks was to actually get up out of bed and come downstairs and get comfy on the sofa and binge watch a series I enjoyed. I had a blanket, drink, snacks and all baby items ready, I didn't dread the nights so much! Once beast feeding and latch was well established I started to stay in bed where I would flip the boob out and hardly wake up. (She slept in a next to me, we didn't co sleep as OH also in the bed)
It does get easier!

Are you sure he’s latching correctly? Because if he is, he shouldn’t be sucking your nipples therefore there should be no pain. You have to stuff the breast in.

I breastfed my 4 and one of them never once latched on properly and when he wasn’t latched on properly, it hurt.

kellymom.com is really good about breastfeeding.

The latch probably isn’t right but likely that is the boob mouth combo as much as anything. The biggest game changer with DS was his mouth growing over time. I had some seriously experienced feeders and LC check out the latch to try to make tweaks to improve things and it really was time that improved it. Don’t get me wrong the small changes did help but there were physiological issues that only time remedies and you might be the same.