To feel completely overwhelmed by breastfeeding a newborn?

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My baby is 4 weeks old today, and I’m finding the challenges of breastfeeding are really affecting my mental health.

My latch is fine, I think, but I have flat nipples, baby had a tongue tie (now snipped) and he was born a tiny 6lbs so I think a very small mouth. My nipples have been ransacked and I feel really hopeless about them healing.

I get utterly overwhelmed when he cluster feeds, or seems particularly voracious at the boob. I have such little faith in my body and worry he’s not getting enough milk.

He had a couple of green nappies (now back to healthy mustard yellow) and I felt overwhelmed by worry that he’d gone hungry.

I also HATE night feeds - I feel so stressed and lonely having to do it on my own and get incredibly stressed about positioning. I find a flailing, crying baby SO hard to manoeuvre - I do my best to tuck him against me tight and keep him in a straight line - but I feel so fumbly with his little body and when he’s screaming it’s all I can do just to hold it together.

I have wonderful support from a very hands-on partner.

Will it get easier? Will my nipples heal? I’m a rollercoaster of emotions every day and feeling at the end of my tether! Everyone I know did not experience anywhere near this level of difficulty with breastfeeding and I feel like a big failure 😞

Nothing useful to say other than you’re not a big failure and wouldn’t be even if you hadn’t done it at all. You’ve grown and birthed an actual human child and managed to breastfeed for 4 weeks. Give yourself a pat on the back! The whole thing is hard but gets easier week by week. I formula fed in the end up and guess what, he’s just fine 😊

I was so determined that I never even bothered to research how to make a bottle

We were never taught how to make a bottle in our NHS antenatal classes. Too busy mixing glitter in a jar to demonstrate breast milk composition.

We also naively thought we might not need to
.. cue trying to establish how to make it (and then cool it fast enough) in the most sleep deprived, stressed circumstances.

Antenatal classes fail to reach you the basics of doing what many people spend significant amounts of time doing for the first 6 months; making up a bottle of formula.

If the latch is correct then your nipple should be fine because the nipple should be way in their mouth and they shouldn’t be sucking on it.

Had I not been an experienced breast feeder before my ‘bad’ breast feeder, my nipples would have been shredded. If I remember correctly, touch your nipple to the baby’s nose and then when they open their mouth, stuff your breast in their mouth much further than it seems ok and they then should be sucking on your breast and not your nipple. It also means they get to properly pump your breast and get what they need

Honestly op you do what works for you. You just had baby and are being so amazing looking after a tiny human. I'm not getting into the breast bottle debate but just do what you feel works for you, you the mum and you know you your body and your baby best. The best decision I ever made me personally was to bottle feed (worked for me) but I've friend s who breast feed as easily as I bottle feed. Do you have have any support or can contact your hv or midwife re the latch if it causing pain. You doing so well op. Best thing about the night is there's always someone on Mumsnet awake so please ask for support. Congratulations on your new baby x

I found BF really hard. DS was 5lbs 10 so similar problem, small mouth or not sure what but couldn’t latch properly and had to express for 4wks and bottle feed. But sorted that and fed for 8 months then. Once he got bigger it was much easier. I found the night feeds a lot easier than going down in the cold!

DD - even more of a nightmare. Started off well, cracked nipple was so painful, started with red boob / infection, ended up admitted for 5 days of IV antibiotics. End of BF journey!

Many people do struggle, you’re not alone. Don’t beat yourself up if you are struggling and decide to move to formula. It’s perfectly fine

I tried to breast feed but just couldn't get on with it. The pain! So I bottle fed both of my babies. Please don't feel like a failure and there is no shame in bottle feeding if that's what suits you and your baby. Good luck!

I breastfed all three of my children and I would say that for the first 6-8 weeks, it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I remember the dread of baby waking up, knowing I would have to feed them again soon - particularly in the middle of the night when it is much more lonely (even with a supportive partner).

I know everyone says that it shouldn't hurt at all, but I had the same experience as many on here, that it suddenly clicked and stopped hurting and got much easier so I don't agree that it doesn't hurt at all if the latch is right. Always worth getting the latch checked though because I don't think it hurts as MUCH if the latch is right.

I had to stop feeding my first baby for two weeks because of medication, and honestly, I found bottle feeding her during this time just as hard and overwhelming, so I think a lot of it is hormones and tiredness rather than all related to breastfeeding. I had intended to stop feeding her, but I ended up putting her back on the breast again when I stopped the medication.

In the longer term, breastfeeding is definitely easier - no having to sterilise bottles and make up feeds etc and having to carry all that paraphernalia with you when going out.

I promise that it will get easier - much, much easier. Just take it one day at a time. At the end of the day though, fed is best, so don't beat yourself up if you end up deciding to stop. Good Luck

Lansinoh. Lots of other people struggle too but they keep it quiet. You’re not alone and it will pass. Try and see a breastfeeding consultant and try different positions. Lying down, prop baby up on cushions in your lap. You will get there.

I have flat nipples and the first month with all of mine was hell, absolute toe curling pain hell. Then suddenly something flipped, wether it was the babies mouths got a little bigger or the worked out how to feel better or my nipples hardened up but it then became the easiest thing and I fed them all until 12 months. I breastfed all 3 of mine and it was the same with all of them

Oh, lovely OP. You're doing so well.

There's loads of brilliant advice here, but I wanted to encourage you to give a bottle if you think that would help- I understand why people are saying bf is most convenient, but I'm currently stuck with an almost 9mo who won't take a bottle, bites (with teeth!) at almost every feed and still feeds to sleep. I feel really trapped by it and wish I'd been a bit more flexible earlier on.

Basically, whatever you want to do is fine - if you want to continue bfing, you can do it! - but if it isn't helping right now, you have permission to swap to formula. Your lovely baby will thrive either way

I feel your pain here @numberthirtytwowindsorgardens! My five month all refuses the bottle and I don't know what else to try! I'm meant to be going back to work soon and my DP is taking over but she won't feed from him 🤦🏼‍♀️

I found it got a lot easier after 6 weeks OP x

It's so hard, you're doing so well! Your baby will be getting enough. Your body has done an amazing job growing a baby, and continues to do so. Trust it. This is a skill for you and baby to learn. Nipples heal best with Lansinoh and fresh air. Take paracetamol regularly, and make sure you eat and drink LOADS and get as much sleep / rest as you can. After each feed, put some Lansinoh on and then leave your boobs out to air for as long as possible with a muslin tucked under to collect any leaks. You've got this OP

Hi,

Flipping well done, you are doing amazingly and I am sure your little one is thriving. Try to be kind to yourself. Talk to the HV about green poos etc if you are not sure. If my area you can send a text, so needn't be a whole big appointment just to ask the question.

Here is my experience. I'm currently sat underneath a snoozing 6 week old baby: full of formula and very happy. I bf for a week, then 50/50 pumped and bf for another 3 on the advice of the paediatician as DS was having other issues (also, much kinder on the nips!) Stopped recently as I realised I was avoiding picking up my little one, as others have mentioned, for fear of the feeds. I figured that would have a far larger impact on him than formula ever possibly could. I was a wreck for a couple of days when I made the decision to stop (partly my own expectations, but also its physiological as you wean off the 2 hourly dopamine hit that bf gives...dont feel like people talk about that enough).

Just my two pence, formula was right for me, but something else may be right for you. Just remember you do have the choice.

Take care OP, you are doing really well.

@north2south It's so hard, isn't it? If it's any consolation, I'm sure she'll feed from him when you're not there- she won't starve herself! It's just a rough transition.

Sending you solidarity and good luck with the return to work!

Thank you so much @numberthirtytwowindsorgardens 🥰