To feel completely overwhelmed by breastfeeding a newborn?

[StolenCookie]

My baby is 4 weeks old today, and I’m finding the challenges of breastfeeding are really affecting my mental health.

My latch is fine, I think, but I have flat nipples, baby had a tongue tie (now snipped) and he was born a tiny 6lbs so I think a very small mouth. My nipples have been ransacked and I feel really hopeless about them healing.

I get utterly overwhelmed when he cluster feeds, or seems particularly voracious at the boob. I have such little faith in my body and worry he’s not getting enough milk.

He had a couple of green nappies (now back to healthy mustard yellow) and I felt overwhelmed by worry that he’d gone hungry.

I also HATE night feeds - I feel so stressed and lonely having to do it on my own and get incredibly stressed about positioning. I find a flailing, crying baby SO hard to manoeuvre - I do my best to tuck him against me tight and keep him in a straight line - but I feel so fumbly with his little body and when he’s screaming it’s all I can do just to hold it together.

I have wonderful support from a very hands-on partner.

Will it get easier? Will my nipples heal? I’m a rollercoaster of emotions every day and feeling at the end of my tether! Everyone I know did not experience anywhere near this level of difficulty with breastfeeding and I feel like a big failure 😞

I had a horrible time BFing. It was so so painful to get a latch with both DC and that was even after paying for a lactation consultant, help from NCT, midwife, etc.

I stopped at 6 weeks as it was affecting my bonding with DC - I dreaded each feeding, the breast is best message had really got to me, and I thought I'd be damaging my DC by not BF.

Looking back, I wish I'd mixed fed. Getting my partner to give the DC a bottle would have relieved some pressure and given me space to recover.

Don't let yourself get to that point of dread. I found that people who BF easily really don't get how hard and painful it is for some people. I had help and nothing improved the latch (and getting mastitis didnt help).

There is nothing wrong in giving a top up bottle, before you end up giving up completely because it's unbearable to carry on. I had to have intervention from my partner and DM who could see I was on my knees trying to BF. They had to tell me it was OK to stop with BFing (I think I was crying through every 2nd BF at that point).

Are you pumping? Despite a rocky start with the cluster feeding and finding positions that worked- I have had a really lovely breastfeeding journey. I think a big part of that is down to me pumping and offering a bottle from the moment milk came in. My husband would then always do the 3/4am wake up which gave me sleep and respite from being gnawed. I would just pump when I woke up with full breasts a few hours later which apparently isn’t the done thing but I had no problems whatsoever.

Now baby is 13 weeks and an efficient feeder, the night wakes are fine. On the boob and done in 20 minutes. We cosleep from the 3/4am feed so I can sleep as she feeds from the side. She has the bottle much less now- only if I go out or if dad is doing bedtime solo.

Can you get the health visitor out or can you afford a lactation consultant to spend a few hours with you? It’s about £100 for 2 hours in my area. They are the best placed to provide support. I agree that it might be worth trying some nipple shields.

People have already insinuated that you are ‘flogging’ yourself, naturally. 🙄 It can be hard to get going and NHS help is generally pretty shit- but the benefits of being able to soothe your baby immediately is wonderful. I literally could not be fucked with leaving the house with thermoses, powders and potions any time I wanted to go anywhere. But we all make our own choices and that’s fine.

Your baby is getting enough milk- don’t worry about that. But it shouldn’t hurt and I’m so sorry you are in pain. Please call the midwives or health visitor or anyone and see what support is available to you. Or a consultant if that is doable for you.

This is not true. If you don’t have sufficient supply then baby won’t gain enough weight or will go hungry. Don’t give dangerous inaccurate information to posters.

@StolenCookie it shouldn’t be sore. Get a good lactation consultant to take a look.

This sounds really like my experience feeding my first. He was also tiny and didn't get the hang of latching for a few days, and after that it hurt. I also had flat nipples! And I was also super frustrated and sleep deprived.

I agree with the poster above who says if it hurts the latch isn't right. You might feel like you can power through the pain but it's a sign baby isn't feeding as effectively as he could. Midwives and health visitors aren't always trained much on BFing despite having to push a blanket "breast is best" message and will often just look at a feeding mum and say "latch looks ok" when it's not. Can you get to a peer support group, la leche league meeting or see a lactation consultant?

Have you tried different positions? I fed my first mainly in rugby ball pose with a pregnancy pillow wrapped round my lap until he was about 5 months old. It seemed to help him latch and help with the flailing too.

Get your partner to do nappy changes at night and settling after night feeds. That way you have moral support. Also see if they can take the baby for an hour/90 minutes first thing in the morning while you catch up on sleep. My DH would take the baby for a walk in the sling at this time. They had bonding time and I'd sleep or shower by myself.

My second baby was born a pound bigger and a week overdue, and it's been a lot easier feeding him. I think bigger babies go longer between feeds earlier too. But even with the tiny one I did find latching got easier as the babies got more alert and got better head control so could be more active about latching on themselves. Maybe about 3/4 months.

(PS Having breastfed 2 babies over 3 years my once-flat and discreet nipples are now permanently like bloody tictacs. Lovely.)

You will get a lot of different opinions on this topic but I completely get where you are coming from. I BF 5 babies and I never really became proficient at it. My first experience was my idea of hell on earth. The latch was never right, my milk wouldn't let down, I was confined to the bedrooms because I was self conscious and like you, I was physically in agony. I remember calling the doctor on a Monday to make an appointment to discuss putting him on formula and the nurse said to me "OK, we can see you NEXT Monday". I honestly felt like I had been given a death sentence.

Here is the thing - I promise you it does get better. Looking back on it now I am proud of myself for getting through it and my sons thrived. Just try to get through one feeding at a time. I'll be thinking of you.

It hurt like buggery for me for the first six weeks. Then the pain magically went away, and barring the odd clogged duct, it was smooth sailing until I eventually weaned him at 15 months. My son was 6lbs at birth too.

Stick with it. The hardest part is almost behind you.

Night feeding is unbelievably lonely. I hated it, too. Now DD is bigger, though, I just lie her next to me and doze - she's four months and can almost serve herself.

It does just hurt at first, as well - it hurt first time round, and it hurt less second time round three years later (although with only a ten month gap, really - kept feeding older DD until she was well past two). I used some Phillips breast shells. They're hard plastic with a silicone layer and you slip them inside your bra. They stop your bra from sticking to your ravaged nipples and can also just relieve the pressure if you're getting engorged without draining you and making the problem worse. They also come with two types of cup - one of them can catch the milk, if you sterilise it, so that you can store it for later.

Don't worry about baby's green poo, either. DD cluster fed like a champion and her poo went green when she started, and then back to normal as supply increased. He's not hungry - I think it's something to do with the balance of the milk content. As long as it sorts itself out, it's all good. Actually, I gather that green poo isn't necessarily a problem as long as baby isn't in pain and is putting weight on normally - sometimes, that's just that baby's normal.

It's so hard adjusting to our little strangers. You're doing really well. Get lots of tea and biscuits and chocolate and settle down and enjoy your teeny person

lansinoh for your nipples. And nipple shields for a few days whilst they recover.
it does get easier and stop hurting.

IT WILL GET BETTER!

The early weeks are SO HARD, but you’re doing so well. Can you afford a lactation consultant? It shouldn’t hurt, so your latch is not fine

It sounds as though you are wanting people to say go onto formula. If that's what you want to do then do it. Having small babies to look after is hard work but gear in mind it does get easier as routines get established and you understand your babies cries more.

It's so hard OP. Your post brings me back. I remember crying one evening at the thought of the night ahead with a very painful cracked nipple. Pumped off that side for a couple of days and used a set of silver nipple cups to help heal it. They are expensive but so worth it. I'd tried the Multimam compresses prior to this and they helped a bit but not quickly enough.

I watched loads of YouTube videos to help
me to get the latch right. We eventually got it. You may need to see a lactation consultant if you can't get the latch. It's not normal for it to hurt so much.

Baby is now 5 months and I love bf. It's so easy, quick and convenient.

I disagree with those that said it shouldn’t hurt. In my experience it does hurt initially, even if your position is right. If you started sucking your thumb hard for hours a day it would get red and sore, it just wouldn’t be used to it! It was kamillosan in my day that was a god send but they don’t seem to sell it anymore so yes definitely use lasinoh. It does get better - at first I needed the light on and several pillows positioned just so to get mine latched on, by the time I was on the second I could do it literally anywhere. Plus I found I didn’t get sore second time at all.

Oh I feel so much for you. The pain is indescribable isn't it and it's the inescapability of it. You just know you're going to have to do it again in 30 mins, an hour or two or every ten minutes. I persevered with my first for 6 months then stopped but I spent so much time going to a lactation specialist, breast feeding groups and I felt so lonely and useless. But I got there and I'm not sure whether I did the best thing sticking at it. I was stubborn and didn't want to be a failure - which is fucking ridiculous and not the right reason for sticking at things.

Only you can decide what to do. I did eventually have less painful breast feeds but I never had that easy, nurturing time of it. But I know it can turn a corner and it is early days. One major tip I'll give you - if you're using Lansinoh definitely warm it up properly so that it goes runnier. I remember just applying it would be agony when it was thick and dragged across the delicate, damaged skin of my nipples. I was starting breast feeding in the depths of winter and it was often quite solid and not runny enough.

Good luck. One thing my baby did was have spates of cluster feeding and then phases of sleeping for hours. The midwives were always saying 'wake him up and feed every 3 hours' - fuck that when your nipples are on fire!!

He's now a strapping 6ft,19 year old at Uni which I'm sure he would be whether or not I breast fed exclusively or not... but we'll never know 😊Good luck - this newborn mullarkey is often more of a chore than it's cracked up to be!

Also had a 6 pounder. Tiny wriggly little thing.

Also, the first 8 weeks are “putting your milk order in” so the cluster feeding (although exhausting and depressing at times) is SO IMPORTANT. Your baby is getting enough milk, if they’re producing a decent amount of nappies. The early weeks are the price you pay for the long term benefit (and convenience!) of breastfeeding - it’s a tricky skill that you AND your baby have to learn.

Have you got any breastfeeding support groups near you?

It shouldn’t still be agony after 4 weeks though. I found it painful for the first few days, particularly before my milk actually came in.

are you using a good nipple cream? I also recommend the silver nipple covers for inbetween feeds - totally saved my nipples they healed within a couple of days. Have you had your latch checked and help with it? I had someone come out to see me who was so helpful.

I started to express when baby was a couple of weeks old and would express enough for a bottle a day for my partner to feed - is this an option for you? It really helped me and we still do it now (baby is almost 7 weeks).

My DD had a tongue and we both ended up with thrush- mine in my breasts. It was excruciating. I can’t tel you how much time I wasted feeling inadequate, that I had failed at the very first thing I was required to do. Like you, the latch was not a problem and neither was supply but the pain was absolutely horrendous. I kept seeing HV and various specialists for help but what I actually received was pressure to continue. I feel sad and frustrated looking back on how much of those precious first few weeks and months I felt feeling so low when I should have been so elated.
I breast fed as long as I could and finally gave up and switched to formula. I felt terrible like I was feeding DD some sort of poison. Fast forward to now - she’s 11 and there have been absolutely no ill effects from formula. I so wish I had been brave enough to go my own way. Do what is best for you and your mental health - you need to preserve that for your sake and that of your baby. Sending you a virtual hug. One day you’ll look back on this and you’ll wonder why you worried so much. 💐

Bless you! I really feel for you. As a newish mum myself (5 months in and still BF) I can 100% empathise. I promise you it will get easier but the only way that will happen is by being kind to yourself and doing what is best for you which is then best for baby.

Cluster feeds are relentless, but the do easy up. They do really take it out of you so it's a good idea to always have snacks on hand! And loads of water! (Which I've just ran out of with baby in boob right now haha) You need to keep your energy up. Full fat everything is good for you and baby so milk, yogurt etc... chocolate ☺️

Invest in a good nipple balm, I used mama mio it was amazing and safe to use when BF. I don't even need to used it anymore.

I would check your latch if it's hurting hun as this shouldn't be the case. There are local latch on groups that can help. Your baby will 100% be getting enough milk your body produces what baby needs it's incredible.

Night feeds are so hard and can sometimes feel like the loneliest place in the world. Remember you have got this and it will get easier.

Have a think about BF as a whole lovely. Remember you don't have to BF! As long as baby is full baby will be happy so if it feels right for you formula could be an option. Happy mummy is happy baby! And means feeding isn't just on you and your partner can help. Best advice is go with your instincts and trust your gut. Good luck and please be kind to yourself

I had a baby this year and had a really difficult time breastfeeding, the baby was back and forth to hospital, I had mastitis, I had pain. I struggled with latch amd positioning. I paid for several visits from a lactation consultant.
Now it has honestly got so much easier, I can feed pretty much anywhere, even standing in a queue. Not having to make bottles has made life so much easier for me. I really couldn't have imagined this at times. I had pressure to stop and I'm glad I didn't, it was the right choice for me. Do what you want to do, not what others tell you to do.

You're doing amazingly! The first 5-6 weeks are tough but everything will get better soon and you and baby will be getting on with it without any thought or worries to the positioning, how much baby is getting, which boob you used last etc.

Your baby is getting exactly what they need from you, just have a little bit of blind faith in yourself, you sound like a wonderful mum 😊

NCT /la leche both offer one to one support. NCT no 0300 330 700.La leche league 0345 120 2918. They both have Breast Feeding Counsellors . This will help you a lot .

So why carry on if you feel negative?

prioritise your mental health and put happiness and bonding with your baby first.

He will thrive on breast or formula milk

Do whatever you feel you need to do

It's been a long time since this was me but I still remember how hard it was OP. It really helped me to join a forum dedicated to breastfeeding rather than just Mumsnet, it gave me brilliant support round the clock which was really comforting- a real wealth of knowledge and experience too. I also bought the book Food of Love which I really recommend www.wob.com/en-gb/books/kate-evans/food-of-love/9780954930950