To feel completely overwhelmed by breastfeeding a newborn?

[StolenCookie]

My baby is 4 weeks old today, and I’m finding the challenges of breastfeeding are really affecting my mental health.

My latch is fine, I think, but I have flat nipples, baby had a tongue tie (now snipped) and he was born a tiny 6lbs so I think a very small mouth. My nipples have been ransacked and I feel really hopeless about them healing.

I get utterly overwhelmed when he cluster feeds, or seems particularly voracious at the boob. I have such little faith in my body and worry he’s not getting enough milk.

He had a couple of green nappies (now back to healthy mustard yellow) and I felt overwhelmed by worry that he’d gone hungry.

I also HATE night feeds - I feel so stressed and lonely having to do it on my own and get incredibly stressed about positioning. I find a flailing, crying baby SO hard to manoeuvre - I do my best to tuck him against me tight and keep him in a straight line - but I feel so fumbly with his little body and when he’s screaming it’s all I can do just to hold it together.

I have wonderful support from a very hands-on partner.

Will it get easier? Will my nipples heal? I’m a rollercoaster of emotions every day and feeling at the end of my tether! Everyone I know did not experience anywhere near this level of difficulty with breastfeeding and I feel like a big failure 😞

#prayforstolencookiesnipplestoseechristmas! 🤣

Glad you have managed to have a giggle! That comment made me chuckle too! Wish you all the best @StolenCookie! Ooh also not sure if it will make a difference but my baby was really little too at 5lb 3 and I had to hold the boob for her it was a little awkward at first but really helped the latch and was so much more comfortable on the boob as leads strain x

Our DD now 8 weeks has reflux issues also linked to tongue tie. It is partially snipped, she is a special case... we have an extra check up in about a months' time.

Anyway. They told us:

1. First week after the snip things will be tough. Tongue has changed, baby will have to get used to the situation. Mine drank more as it seemed easier for her after the procedure. More reflux...
2. We had to do exercises to make sure the wound doesn't heal in the wrong way otherwise it may (partially) reconnect.
3. Exercises for the tongue to get used to the new situation.

How long ago was it snipped?
Did they give you all this info?

Is she hungry or does she want to suckle for comfort? Does she accept a dummy?

There are hydrogel cooling pads available to help damaged nipples. Have you tried these?

Our situation has also not been fully resolved... best of luck.

Oh gosh I sympathise totally!
My bubba was born on the 91st centile, he stayed 6 days in nicu (I expressed for him)
Then he came home, he didn't regain birth weight until 3 weeks old, and he's been slow to gain since, i spent 10 long weeks worrying about it, googling as much as i could, and crying daily. I very fortunately have a twin sister who BF her 3, encouraging me all the way.
It gets soooo much easier - by 7 weeks he was only waking once a night, 9 weeks the cluster feeding stopped, I honestly hated it to begin with, but then it also really upset me to think of giving him formula (not that there's any shame in that, I just always thought I'd be able to feed him) but I'm so so glad I preserved!

Night feeds will always be difficult, i hate them too - but I much prefer being able to pick him up and feed him than mess about making a bottle!

(Just for reference by 7 weeks he was on the 25th centile - he's still there at 5 months) xx

Hi OP

Yes it gets tonnes easier, I remember feeling like that and having a bit of a tantrum as if the positioning wasnt perfect then it would be aginy, trying to do it in the dark was impossible, I had to get my husband to hold the babys head etc.

In a few weeks the baby will be able to life its head and it will also have practiced so much it will pretty much take care of itself. Still about the positioning but more about getting the babys mouth wide before feeding rather than the position of the babys body if that makes sense.

I had some good support from a low breastfeeding group, it might help you to speak to an expert or people going through the same thing? They showed me the 'flipple' which I think is on YouTube which helped a lot

But if it gets too much, you've already done something amazing and given your baby a great start so please don't feel bad if you want your body back

It got massively easier for me at around the 6-7 week mark xx

Silverettes (silver cups) helped MASSIVELY. Can get them on Amazon. Literally best newborn stage purchase I made

I was the same OP really struggled at first. First baby and had no idea what to do, actually cried all the time feeling a failure until we got the hang of it. I found the support in hospital very poor I must say, but then there was a support group called regularly after I was discharged that was so helpful. Do you have something like this in your area?

i too have flat nipples, not that I knew this until I tried feeding! I recommend the Phillips Avent nipple shields, they have them on Amazon. They were mumsnet recommended and I can confirm worked amazing for us!

My boy can’t feed without shields. They are a bit fiddly and inconvenient on times but I don’t care as HV says he is thriving and is a right healthy sized lump so I’m happy.

it does hurt for a few weeks, was a sharp pain for me actual agony on times. It wasn’t the latch, just how it is I think until the nips calm down.

I’m now 16 weeks into EBF. It still lonely on times but seeing his little face looking for me at night makes it worth it.

you can do it OP!

and if you can’t, absolutely don’t beat yourself up. Formula is available and baby will be just fine and just as loved either way Xx

I so agree op that the “if it hurts the latch is wrong” is just not always true. I had the proper metal forceps and more stitches than I care to think about during delivery and that was fine, honestly didn’t even need a paracetamol. Was discharged with 30/500 co-codamol that I only took a couple of times when the pain in my nipples/breastfeeding was just too much. Then at about 6 weeks it was like a switch flicked.

I had a relative who is a midwife and she checked the latch multiple times and it was perfect but just sore. She also taught me the hamburger latch if you are really struggling, it does take two pairs of hands but you squash your boob and nipple really flat like it’s a burger so hand either side and then partner kind of shoves the baby on and the latch is sorted out in the mouth.

But if you want to give them a bottle I would, you need your rest!

Sorry to hear everything is so tough atm OP
You're doing a brilliant job even if it doesn't feel like it. Bfeeding is such hard work, it's emotional and painful and I had v similar issues to you with my first.
Follow Olivia hinge on insta- IBLC and midwife in s.london. she has fab videos which really helped me with my second.
With my first I used nipple shields to help healing, lansinoh on nips for healing too, introduced one bottle a day from around 8 weeks. Was probably coincidence but this suddenly made feeding seem so much more manageable. I also took my dose ibuprofen and paracetamol for about 4 weeks - not sure if that's advisable but HV said if I was in pain then was ok- and I bloody was. I still remember crying when baby woke to feed and actively avoiding her so she wouldn't smell me and wake.to feed. V bleak times. It did all get much better by week 10.

With my 2nd I vowed not to put myself through it. He had severe tongue tie and shredded one nipple totally after first feed. I refused to put him back on boob until tongue tie was done. Hand expressed colostrum and syringe fed him and bottle fed formula.
Once TT was dealt with I combi fed 50/50 boob and bottle alternating every feed and making sure I always boob fed between midnight and 5am as read somewhere on kellymom this was some special hormone time to maintain supply. I was v lucky that I could combi feed until 6 months. Once food started being introduced boob went from 2nd to 3rd place of preferred food source and he began to refuse it so I went with it.
Do what you need to do. I remember how torn and tortured I felt about it all with my first- you almost want someone to just tell you to stop or give you permission to stop. It is illogical and irrational but so is much of motherhood and parenting I've found. Sending you strength and please know that however you choose to feed your baby will be just fine- as long as they have you! Xx

I agree with other posters- it should not hurt to breastfeed or make your nipples raw. There is still something wrong with his latch and perhaps your aftercare isn’t quite right. Make sure to air dry your nipples after a feed, putting them away wet will contribute to rawness. I agree find a lactation consultant who can come by and see you feeding him and then reposition him, and teach you and him what a good latch is. I do my best to tuck him against me tight and keep him in a straight line- tbh this isn’t necessary, I wonder who told you this?

Dont worry about a green poo nappy now and then, usually they have green poo if you’ve eaten something high in iron (your breastmilk would be green too if you had pumped it). Which isn’t a bad thing.

On the night feeds, since your partner is very hands on, I’m going to suggest what we did. I got up and fed them, then I woke up DH and he did the winding/burping, inevitable nappy change and walking back to sleep while I went back to bed. So I didn’t feel so lonely as we were doing the night feeds as a tag team. Also as newborns it’s only 2hrs between each feed and so passing baby off to him meant I got sleep in 2hr chunks, if I’d done it all, would have been much more sleep deprived and I think sleep deprivation is what makes everything far harder to cope with.

2 weeks behind you and could have written it myself! I have faith it will get better from speaking to others who have breastfed, so hanging on to that. Hope it improves for you too very soon ❤️

Please try koala cups for the nipple pain. Look on amazon. They saved me with my second and I wish I had known about them with my first. Both were so painful, my toes hurt permanently from curling then into the carpet every 2 hours.

I feel your pain re the night feed. I was 100% responsible as mine refused bottles, and my god that endless lonely feeling. I used to get so so down at about 4pm knowing what lay ahead. I thought about this last week when I was reading my new 2 and 4 year old bedtime stories, thinking phew, hard day but the end is in sight. When there is no end in sight it is absolutely soul destroying.
You'll get there.

Personally I don’t think I believe the “it wouldn’t hurt if latch was right” narrative. I’ve scoured Mumsnet and plenty of women (who went on to successfully EBF) said it hurt like a #%$^ the first few weeks and then, for no reason, suddenly got better.*

I don't either.

It's vague now but I remember a latch/let down/something pain everytime for quite a while.

(And I read some women say there's a few seconds pain, there was a phrase for it I can't remember now,).

The improvement over time could be the size of the baby's mouth or their technique, I don't know.

I found Lansinoh absolutely shit, dunno if I'm alone in that.

Multi mam balm was better.

Also something noone told me but happened by accident/experimention was Epsom salts (I had an Epson salt bath) completely healed my welts etc

Don't think shields worked for me but lots of people recommend them so ..

Pumping can also give you nippes a desperately needed break. Get a hospital grade electric pump like a spectra S1, you can put olive oil/coconut oil around the flange where you nipple is pulled in, though it's not always necessary.

My DC was also a wriggly little creature and not very good at feeding at that age. Used to struggle to latch and come off and on, but would smell the milk and scream like a banshee. Very unsettling when out and about as I'd have everyone looking at me, top pulled down, and my screaming little monster.

In the end, I expressed or gave formula when out of the house until DC and I got the hang of bf a bit more. And in the house, I'd build a pillow/cushion mountain around me on the sofa so I could comfortably position DC in the best position.

Yes it gets better. My god, my son would cluster feed for HOURS!! It was ridiculous. Felt like sandpaper licking my nipples but it did get better and after a while you don't even feel it (I can't remember at what point in time sorry). Looking back I did feel like perhaps he wasn't getting full feeds, he would fall asleep so was then hungry not long after.

I'm pregnant again and this time around I've got a maternity nurse/nanny's details on hand incase I need extra support. She is a night nanny but can also come in and help for an afternoon with feeding and routines, troubleshooting etc. I just think I really could have done with that first time around and will need things to go smoother this time around with having a toddler in the mix.
You will get through this xxx

I combi fed to take the stress off about weight gain etc.

I know some people worry then you'll never exclusively breast feed but clearly some women in this thread did go on to (I didn't ever put enough effort in to move from combi to exclusive bf'ing)..

Both were so painful, my toes hurt permanently from curling then into the carpet every 2 hours.

Fk, that brings it back.

And my Mum and sister who were staying to help (and had never breast fed) would ask me questions about where things were and what to do with ABC constantly while I was feeling that pain.

Maybe someone has already mentioned but, on a practical note, silver cups are very good for healing nipples, eg www.amazon.co.uk/Koala-Babycare®-Prevention-Treatment-Breastfeeding/dp/B085NY3RJQ/ref=asc_df_B085NY3RJQ/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=427886437605&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16355298552434856196&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9044964&hvtargid=pla-922666494706&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=102603551034&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=427886437605&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16355298552434856196&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9044964&hvtargid=pla-922666494706

Someone indeed already had mentioned!

I went through this a few months ago. Nothing really prepares you for those first few weeks, I had a traumatic delivery, no family or friends around (away from home country) partner also had to travel for work.

DD was colicky from week 3, the pain, the frustration, I had bleeding nipples from trying, tried nipple shields, tried nipple creams, tried pumping with manual and electric pumps, tried different positions.

I was so determined that I never even bothered to research how to make a bottle, I was so sure that I will do it, that I didn't even look into types of formulas etc.

Eventually I had to let go and move on, there will be guilt at first but it faded, after awhile I realised what mattered is that DD is fed, you will find that that's the most important part and you will both grow and move to the next stage.

I do my best to tuck him against me tight and keep him in a straight line

I actually found,with practice, that you sort of wrap them around you/around your side, if that's the right way to phrase it. Not straight across you.

Silver cups to heal your nipples honestly will help. If it's affecting your mental health that badly there's no shame in formula feeding OP don't make yourself ill over it. Maybe speaking to a lactation consultant would help? Night feeds I used to find lonely but then loved the quiet just us time.

(And they don't have to be super tight against you).

Oh OP it is so tough. Just wanted to agree with you that pain doesn’t always mean bad latch or you’re doing anything ‘wrong’. I have 4 DC, very bad pain, cracked nipples etc with two of them, no pain at all with the other two. Did nothing different, had latch checked etc. it just was that way until maybe 6-8 weeks or so (gradual improvement). Also although I used heaps of Lansinoh/Multimam etc with one DC, a midwife advised me to avoid over use of creams with the other DC and just allow nipples to be exposed to the air as much as possible! And I healed up much quicker that time. Anecdotal I know but might be helpful. Just wanted to reassure you it really can be this hard without it meaning you’re doing anything wrong. It will get better too (although I can’t tell you when!)

Yes, my experience was that they curl around you like little prawns.