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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you leave baby asleep in car ?

212 replies

engalaaand · 23/09/2022 09:53

Whilst you took older child to nursery (takes 3 minutes) ? Car is right outside and locked..

OP posts:
YellowTreeHouse · 23/09/2022 11:37

engalaaand · 23/09/2022 11:24

Really ? For tree minutes and 15 metres ? That's a bit extreme.

Of course. The time/distance is irrelevant.

It shows you do not have sound judgement so they would be interested in the rest of your parenting decisions.

NortieTortie · 23/09/2022 11:38

No, I'd feel very uncomfortable with that. But I have been called a helicopter mom Grin.

notdaddycool · 23/09/2022 11:38

If I was parked right out side, I could see it and it was a tiny distance away I could run to in seconds, but not as you describe.

quietnightmare · 23/09/2022 11:41

@engalaaand

Extreme or not it's the world we live in.

TruffleShuffles · 23/09/2022 11:41

I wouldn’t do this, my daughters nursery is over two floors though and she is upstairs so it’s not a quick drop off at the door. More often than not she also wants to go to the toilet before going upstairs so I’m usually in there a good 5 minutes and at no point can I see the car. I would however leave baby and 3 year old DD in the car when paying for petrol as I would be able to see the car at all times and it’s off the road.

Cm078 · 23/09/2022 11:42

moonypadfootprongs · 23/09/2022 11:34

Your child is at far greater risk being taken into the shop to pay for fuel than being left in the car!
What do you actually think is going to happen?
Common sense really has disappeared!

I have no clue but that's just me, i don't feel comfortable having him out of sight.
We're all different, no right or wrong. I shouldn't be made to feel bad about that.

Karamna · 23/09/2022 11:43

No, I wouldn't. I have left them on a garage forecourt where I can see the car at all times. Not if out of sight on a public road.

The capsule car seats are great for this as you can lift them in and out without waking them.

engalaaand · 23/09/2022 11:43

YellowTreeHouse · 23/09/2022 11:35

Christ no and if you thought it was acceptable I’d question your judgement.

I would also ring the police and social services if I saw you do this.

Great way to waste everyone's time.

OP posts:
PercyPigInAWig · 23/09/2022 11:43

engalaaand · 23/09/2022 10:01

@FoxyLoxSox but that's why I'm asking. To understand what risk I haven't thought of. It so many people wouldn't do it, they'll have their reasons and I'm looking for those, so I can extend my own assessment.

Buy there doesn't need to be an additional risk that you haven't thought of. The ones you've mentioned are enough.
I just wouldn't leave a baby in the car alone in a public place.
On my own drive getting one child out of the car at a time yes, but not at a nursery and absolutely not when they woul be out of sight. Low risk but if something went wrong it would be awful for both parents. I would not be happy if DH did it, nor would he if I did.

SunlightThroughTrees · 23/09/2022 11:44

When risk assessing situations when it comes to something as precious and irreplaceable as DC, it’s not just about the likelihood of something but happening, but also how dire the possible consequence is. I wouldn’t leave my baby out of my sight for 3 minutes anywhere; it just wouldn’t be worth the risk of them getting snatched or hurt.

I think as pp has said, the most likely risk is that someone calls the police if they spot your baby alone in the car. I imagine it’s possible you’d be referred to social services as a result.

AnotherAnxiousMess · 23/09/2022 11:45

engalaaand · 23/09/2022 10:29

You can't see the baby as the windows are blacked out. If the baby cried then yes, someone might call. But in the three minutes it takes to get back, it's unlikely they'd get far. I don't think the police would care.

If your windows are blacked out, then I probably would leave them tbh… chances of something happening in 3 minutes are very slim. You know your baby and your situation better than anyone on here, so trust your instincts and way up the risks.

anotherscroller · 23/09/2022 11:46

I would ask a parent who was also dropping off to wait by the car for 3 minutes while I took the older one in.

StridTheKiller · 23/09/2022 11:47

I wouldn't OP, but neither would i judge you if you did.

caringcarer · 23/09/2022 11:50

I think I'd leave in nursery car park but not on street. As someone said what if something happened to you and no one knew baby in car alone.

Ariela · 23/09/2022 11:54

No, I would use a ring sling, drop that over your head, hoick baby out into sling, take older child in, then reverse process

YellowTreeHouse · 23/09/2022 11:55

engalaaand · 23/09/2022 11:43

Great way to waste everyone's time.

No, it wouldn’t be a waste of anyones time.

It shows a lack of sound judgement, so they would be interested in other risks you might think are acceptable to take with your children.

There is a huge chance here that someone sees you do it/knows you have two kids and reports you to SS.

Topgub · 23/09/2022 11:57

@YellowTreeHouse

What a load of rubbish

As if ss have the time or inclination to investigate something like that.

🙄

Tanith · 23/09/2022 11:58

engalaaand · 23/09/2022 11:06

@Tanith I think they can turn their head generally speaking from when they're born. Little babies spit up/ vomit loads, even in their beds, but are able to turn their heads. That's one of the reasons they should sleep on their back, so they just automatically turn their head when they vomit, on their front they may inhale the vomit from the bed. It's harder for them to turn their head in a car seat. But then you run that risk any time you drive with a baby in the car, they could vomit and choke on it. It's actually happened to my baby and he was OK. Thankfully. But I couldn't do much but pull over in a safe place and help him then.

In a car seat, a baby’s movement is restricted, particularly if they’re using a headrest.

You say you have experience of your baby vomiting in a car seat. You stopped the car and helped him.
It’s a good thing you hadn’t left him alone in the car, isn’t it?

Chickpea17 · 23/09/2022 12:00

I would but only if I could see the car.

Bookworm20 · 23/09/2022 12:01

For a 3 minute drop off and baby was asleep?
Yes I would leave baby asleep in the car.
Guess I'm a terrible parent judging by the fact I appear to be the only one who would though.

The chances of anything happening, like a car crashing into you, in that 3 minutes is so remote. The car is stationary, parallel parked on a residential street, and locked. And its 3 minutes.

Baby is at far more risk of being in an accident whilst the car is actually being driven.

So upon my basic risk assessment, I wouldn't wake a sleeping baby for the sake of a 3 minute drop off under the circumstances you've described.

MomwasCasual · 23/09/2022 12:01

engalaaand · 23/09/2022 11:06

@Tanith I think they can turn their head generally speaking from when they're born. Little babies spit up/ vomit loads, even in their beds, but are able to turn their heads. That's one of the reasons they should sleep on their back, so they just automatically turn their head when they vomit, on their front they may inhale the vomit from the bed. It's harder for them to turn their head in a car seat. But then you run that risk any time you drive with a baby in the car, they could vomit and choke on it. It's actually happened to my baby and he was OK. Thankfully. But I couldn't do much but pull over in a safe place and help him then.

If this has already happened to you, I'm confused why:

a) You would still consider leaving the baby unattended in the car

and

b) Why you would ask the PP:

Why would the baby choke ? Sorry just wondering, is this something I need to be worrying about at all times ?

🤔

Babyboomtastic · 23/09/2022 12:01

I wouldn't, but more because society has conditioned me to feel uncomfortable with it, rather than it actually being a risk.

Risk of car being stolen - yes, a very tiny risk, but if that happened, its overwhelmingly likely that they baby will be dumped outside in its car seat somewhere, to be rescued by strangers, rather than coming to harm, or someone throwing it out of the window, as was suggested earlier. Generally the type of lad who nicks cars, has no interest in harm coming to to a baby, and no interest in turning his joyride into a murder or attempted murder charge.

Risk of someone kidnapping. It's only a small minority of paedophiles that kidnap thankfully - its too high risk, even if they want to. So you'd be looking at a small minority of a minority population happening to secretly be in the specific place you do drop off, in case anyone leaves their child around. Think of many Scandinavian countries where babies nap outside shops and cafes in rows, and its not thought of as a risk.

I'd guess (given cases I've heard in the media these last few months) that there are more cases where babies have died by being hit by a car, whilst on a pavement, than in a parked car. Certainly, it's safer to leave them in the car at a petrol station. But then sometime always says 'but what if you get runover and they don't realise there's a baby' failing to realise that if you took the child, both would be run-over 😉

I think it's acceptably safe, but society says no, even though we let our babies take higher risks daily.

Topgub · 23/09/2022 12:05

@SpinningFloppa

1case where the verdict was rightly over turned?

Mmmmm

Xmasbaby11 · 23/09/2022 12:08

I wouldn't do it. I would just take the baby with me in the car seat and they'd probably stay asleep anyway. My dd were 24 months apart so lots of lugging around a baby and toddler. I wouldn't be comfortable leaving a baby out of sight so they got moved when they were sleeping if needed; I never worried about it. I'm also someone who didn't do cot naps so my babies got used to napping out and about. I appreciate not all babies are so flexible and may be upset if woken, I don't know.