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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don't want my daughter having a tablet

110 replies

lookinguponhim · 23/09/2022 08:23

DD is 4.

She is impeccably well behaved (pure luck), and I just love listening to her playing :) She doesn't constantly bug me to engage with her playing etc. she will happily sit and play with Lego, babies, teddies, dolls house, drawing, etc etc

MIL is upset with me because I don't want her having a tablet.

I'm not against them! But DD doesn't need one? She isn't a constant 'I'm bored' type and I've never felt at a loss with regards to what to do for a quick 10 mins peace and quiet. She just plays

MIL says I am against her all the time, and I should let her have one. She says I'm pushing her out and won't let her buy this for DD, and that she needs one

AIBU to refuse and put my foot down here?

My 8 year old DS is profoundly autistic. I'd give anything for him to have liked his tablet at age 4! Or even now. But he doesn't have the mental capacity to operate one, I really wish he would

So I'm not against them particularly, but I just don't see the point

She watched a few programmes on telly but no need for an actual tablet

OP posts:

romdowa · 23/09/2022 08:25

It's not her child , so it's not her decision. There is no pushing her out, she's a grandmother. Sounds like this isn't the first time you've refused to bend to her will

HelloAvocado · 23/09/2022 08:27

I agree with you completely- not appropriate at 4 at all. Bigger point is that you’re her mum so you can decide.

Goodadvice1980 · 23/09/2022 08:27

Your child, your rules. MIL won’t be the one dealing with tantrums when you have to restrict screen time.

Original poster

lookinguponhim · 23/09/2022 08:29

That's the thing, I don't want to sound so OTT but it is addictive and I don't want to turn a happy to play 4 year old into someone begging for more screen time

OP posts:

Dontsparethehorses · 23/09/2022 08:29

My children at 6 and 8 don’t have tablets! They can use my iPad on my terms when I want them too. They definitely don’t need one each! Give mil other suggestions for things they might like. Both mine adore their yoto player to listen to audio stories and you can record your own voice reading them which is nice when they can’t see family members as often!

Cosycover · 23/09/2022 08:30

I'm surprised she hasn't asked for one yet tbh.

My 5 year old asked aged 3 so she could watch YouTube videos that she watched in nursery.

Greydogs123 · 23/09/2022 08:31

Stand firm. At four she doesn’t need one, especially if she is good at independent play. Could you suggest something like a tonie player to her to buy (if that would be a more acceptable to you)?

Maray1967 · 23/09/2022 08:31

Yes, hold fast in this one. Thank goodness my in laws did not try to do this. There is no need for a 4 year old to have a tablet. Nurture her creativity for as long as you can. Tell MIL she loves Lego. MIL just wants to be the one buying the big present - not appropriate.

Bicthebiro · 23/09/2022 08:32

If she's not going to use it, then there is no point getting it, same as any other toy.

Maray1967 · 23/09/2022 08:32

In fact, I’d be so angry if I was you and she went ahead anyway that I’d ensure it was ‘accidentally’ broken very quickly.

bcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyza · 23/09/2022 08:32

My 6 yr old has a amazon kids one but barely uses it. He prefers physical toys. Again bought by mil as she was getting for the other grandchild.

SalviaOfficinalis · 23/09/2022 08:33

YANBU. She doesn’t need one… and it’s for your and DH to decide whether she gets one or not.

Seems a very strong reaction from MIL.

WindyKnickers · 23/09/2022 08:35

Just say no. Your partner can deal with MIL. If she gets one just keep it out if the way so DD doesn't get wind of it

Bicthebiro · 23/09/2022 08:36

SalviaOfficinalis · 23/09/2022 08:33

YANBU. She doesn’t need one… and it’s for your and DH to decide whether she gets one or not.

Seems a very strong reaction from MIL.

I agree it's a strong reaction from MIL over something like this.

Does MIL regularly care for your DD?

44PumpLane · 23/09/2022 08:38

If she is good at independant play she doesn't need one.

Agree with a suggestion from another poster that if MIL wants to buy her some "tech", maybe suggest the Yoto player (far superior to the Tonie Box for a 4+ year old in my opinion, I think Tonie is better for younger children).

My nearly 6 year old twins have had tablets since they were nearly 3, I got them for a trans Atlantic flight to supplement the various other things I had brought to entertain them on the flight.

One of my twins would sit and stare at a screen all day every day if you let her, I don't let her. They don't get any screens Monday to Friday, so getting a tablet doesn't have to be the end of the world either and it doesn't have to be broken, it can simply be put away and never discussed.

Of mine would play nicely I would be very reluctant to rock that boat with a tablet!

EmeraldShamrock1 · 23/09/2022 08:39

Keep her off screens for as long as possible.

Sandysandwich · 23/09/2022 08:40

You are in the right- she does not need a tablet and mil doesn't get a say anyway.
MIL could come and play with her if she wants to feel involved- she could organise a day trip for you all somewhere if she wants to spend money and make decisions.

bloodywhitecat · 23/09/2022 08:41

I am with you, it is something I would hold off on buying.

1224boom · 23/09/2022 08:41

No way would I allow my child a tablet at that age. I have a four and six year old and if they want to watch a show they can have the tv on. Tablets are so addictive and would result in tantrums and lack of imagination and drive to do other things.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/09/2022 08:42

Why’s MIL so bothered? DD is 3 and won’t be getting one and barely watches tv. She’s got an active imagination, sounds like yours and likes her own company and plays brilliantly inside and out. Why stick them in front of a screen unless you have to.

edenhills · 23/09/2022 08:42

We didn't get phones or tablets until last year when my kids started secondary school (had to buy them for school) They have not lost out in any way. Tablets are very user friendly so they are not behind their peers. They are complete addicts now like everyone their age but they spent their childhood doing more practical activities and have learnt how to get bored and amuse themselves. iPads are an amazing tool but I would advise holding off for as long as possible.

Namechanger965 · 23/09/2022 08:45

We bought DD one (kindle fire kids) when she was 3 to use on a long car journey as otherwise she had a tendency to try and wake up DD2 who was a baby. That’s about the only time it’s come in useful. She’s 5 now and it’s rarely used, it hasn’t been charged in months and more often that not is used as a prop on her games, it was an X-ray machine the other day. I just think it’s pointless for some kids who don’t want to sit still and watch it or play games. I think DD2 will probably be more interested in it as she gets older as she likes to sit and watch tv.

A tonies box (or yoto player) could be a good idea as pp suggested. Both our DDs love theirs and it’s used a lot.

girlmom21 · 23/09/2022 08:46

How can she possibly suggest you're pushing her out? Suggest she buys DD a Merlin pass instead so she can take her for days out and, you know, actually spend time with her.

Sarahcoggles · 23/09/2022 08:53

YANBU.
Once the screens take over, there's no going back, so delay it as long as you can.

Original poster

lookinguponhim · 23/09/2022 08:53

She often does this. Suggests things I don't want and then gets in a hissy fit if I say we've got that already, or we don't need it etc

Drives me insane

OP posts:

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