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AIBU?

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Original poster

I don't want my daughter having a tablet

110 replies

lookinguponhim · 23/09/2022 08:23

DD is 4.

She is impeccably well behaved (pure luck), and I just love listening to her playing :) She doesn't constantly bug me to engage with her playing etc. she will happily sit and play with Lego, babies, teddies, dolls house, drawing, etc etc

MIL is upset with me because I don't want her having a tablet.

I'm not against them! But DD doesn't need one? She isn't a constant 'I'm bored' type and I've never felt at a loss with regards to what to do for a quick 10 mins peace and quiet. She just plays

MIL says I am against her all the time, and I should let her have one. She says I'm pushing her out and won't let her buy this for DD, and that she needs one

AIBU to refuse and put my foot down here?

My 8 year old DS is profoundly autistic. I'd give anything for him to have liked his tablet at age 4! Or even now. But he doesn't have the mental capacity to operate one, I really wish he would

So I'm not against them particularly, but I just don't see the point

She watched a few programmes on telly but no need for an actual tablet

OP posts:
Calandor · 23/09/2022 10:07

I don't even have a tablet at 27 let alone 4!

Mariposista · 23/09/2022 10:08

Put your foot down and keep it glued to the floor. A 4 year old doesn’t need a tablet.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 23/09/2022 10:09

I’m with you OP.

Tech leaders (Jobs, Zuckerberg etc) ban iPad etc from their small children. Why would that be?

m.independent.ie/life/family/parenting/the-tech-moguls-who-invented-social-media-have-banned-their-children-from-it-37494367.html

Ponoka7 · 23/09/2022 10:14

My GC had them from around two years old. But we don't have the television on, so they were instead of that. Plus both have been since diagnosed with additional needs. But if a child doesn't need one, then I agree to hold off. Sometimes my youngest GC tablet gets forgotten and it isn't needed because I let her get whatever toys she needs out and we are usually going out.

Floweryflora · 23/09/2022 10:14

Fantastic to get her a tablet, teaches her many different skills in using it. I honestly have no idea why so many tech phobic people exist. Having a tablet doesn’t mean she needs to be on it permanently , you can you know, actually parent to manage it.

Ponoka7 · 23/09/2022 10:18

Floweryflora · 23/09/2022 10:14

Fantastic to get her a tablet, teaches her many different skills in using it. I honestly have no idea why so many tech phobic people exist. Having a tablet doesn’t mean she needs to be on it permanently , you can you know, actually parent to manage it.

But why give it pre school if the child is happy with imaginative play ?

MugginsOverEre · 23/09/2022 10:20

She doesn't need one at 4 years old.

Yet.

We must remember that times are changing. Screens and devices are a normal everyday part of life now and it won't change. Just like we won't go back to riding horses and carts instead of cars or playing hoops and sticks instead of Xboxes.

Those rare parents who are vehemently against any form of device and strictly limit screen times are doing their children a disservice. But that's not something you need to think about yet.

Closedlips · 23/09/2022 10:21

My in laws bought ours tablets at 3 which I wasn't thrilled about. However they're pretty much uninterested in them as they prefer toys. They sit on a top shelf out of sight (the tablets not children) and it's normally me who suggests they go on them now and again when I remember they're there as a lot of the games on Fire tablets are pretty educational/good for motor skills.

So it may be that she gets one and isn't actually that bothered! I do find they use them in schools now so it's likely she'll be exposed to them pretty quickly anyway.

Purplemoons2827 · 23/09/2022 10:23

I agree, my 4 year old twins sound like your dd. I’m not really against tablets, but I don’t feel the need to get them one. They are fantastic at playing and will spend hours playing imaginary games, building things, playing in the garden etc. and I don’t want to stop them doing that with a tablet! They have never asked for one either. They do like tv and watch all the popular shows so I don’t think they’re missing out.

StClare101 · 23/09/2022 10:50

MugginsOverEre · 23/09/2022 10:20

She doesn't need one at 4 years old.

Yet.

We must remember that times are changing. Screens and devices are a normal everyday part of life now and it won't change. Just like we won't go back to riding horses and carts instead of cars or playing hoops and sticks instead of Xboxes.

Those rare parents who are vehemently against any form of device and strictly limit screen times are doing their children a disservice. But that's not something you need to think about yet.

Tablets are designed to be intuitive. No child is missing out by not having one. Imaginative play is so much better for their development. My seven and eight year olds go to coding class to learn about how tech actually works.

They’ll get access to devices at some point sure, but for now are perfectly happy without.

Yack02 · 23/09/2022 11:33

I wish my child had been so good at independent play. If he had been I would have held off the iPad for WAY longer.

Your MIL is an idiot. Firstly who does she think she is undermining you? Secondly you have the holy grail of a child that will entertain themselves without nagging for constant interaction. Long may that continue I say!

Noviembre · 23/09/2022 11:41

Stand your ground. Mail sounds way too involved and obsessed. It's not her kid.

Noviembre · 23/09/2022 11:46

MugginsOverEre · 23/09/2022 10:20

She doesn't need one at 4 years old.

Yet.

We must remember that times are changing. Screens and devices are a normal everyday part of life now and it won't change. Just like we won't go back to riding horses and carts instead of cars or playing hoops and sticks instead of Xboxes.

Those rare parents who are vehemently against any form of device and strictly limit screen times are doing their children a disservice. But that's not something you need to think about yet.

Tablets are used by bored parents and toddlers. They are a useless tool for the technically competent. If you want your child to gain technical skill and competence they need to learn how to use real computers, to type, to use a mouse, basic file management, software management and troubleshooting.

Swiping a cartoon tablet isn't making them tech workers of the future. It's making them useless. They cannot type, they can't install software and trying to upskill them is a struggle.

Textboxmm · 23/09/2022 12:05

Too young, she absolutely does NOT need a tablet. If granny wants to be the hero ask her to get your child a Waterstones gift card or Book Token gift card to the same value and then take your DD every other week to choose books, games and art supplies for herself.
that way she’s getting something frequently from granny that she can share with her, talk to her about and that value on a Book Token card will last a year or more easily!

your child will be bombarded with screens at every turn, apps, games, at school all of which will claim to be educational.
bitbif you want a child to read, buy them books and read to them. If you want them to count plays games and puzzles.

Textboxmm · 23/09/2022 12:06

Tablets don’t prepare kids for a world of tech, they prepare them to be consumers and that’s it.
until they learn to code, which they will in primary school.

MarshaBradyo · 23/09/2022 12:11

No they don’t I agree. They are entirely intuitive and addictive and created to be that way

op I’d avoid, you’ll probably find in secondary online will feature more with friends but no rush to get used to it early

Confusion101 · 23/09/2022 12:17

Tech companies have literally designed tablets and apps to be addictive! There's a reason big tech names don't let their children have tablets / phones until teenage years! They know what they've designed and the potential damage of the addictivness.

"oh put you can parent to manage it" yeh until your child is screaming and bawling for hours on end because all they want is the game on the tablet (extreme case of addictivness there obviously but it happens!!).

Yes there are plenty of pros to using one in this ever growing technological world but at age 4 when she is able to entertain herself in other ways defo stick to your guns.

BloodAndFire · 23/09/2022 12:19

Textboxmm · 23/09/2022 12:06

Tablets don’t prepare kids for a world of tech, they prepare them to be consumers and that’s it.
until they learn to code, which they will in primary school.

I agree 100%. My kids have never had one, they are now 12 and 9 and learning coding in a class (outside school). The idea that a child of 4 (or even, insanely, a baby of 1!) benefits from staring at and swiping a screen is a convenient fiction that suits parents and manufacturers, and does absolutely bollock all to benefit children.

www.nytimes.com/2019/11/04/well/family/screen-use-tied-to-childrens-brain-development.html

Dacadactyl · 23/09/2022 12:20

Stick to your guns OP. You are 100% right. Keep them away from screens as long as possible.

OperaStation · 23/09/2022 12:21

Absolutely stick to your guns. No child needs a tablet.

Your MIL sounds extremely hard work and doesn’t appear to have any boundaries.

Ilostmysocks · 23/09/2022 12:21

You might not have a choice @lookinguponhim

Once they're at primary school they're expected to do Sumdog or Rockstars timetables amongst other educational apps.

We too didn't want to go down the tablet route but had no choice once teachers started naming and shaming those who didn't partake in educational app based homework.

CakeCrumbs44 · 23/09/2022 12:29

It's your decision. I wouldn't be surprised if MIL gets her one for Christmas without consulting you though, and then you'll be the bad guy for not letting her use it.

My 5yo uses an Amazon fire (it's not "hers" though). It has a 30 minute a day timer and she doesn't play it every day, doesn't watch videos on YouTube and is always supervised. I think it's quite good to have technology available with strict limits so they get used to that being the way and (hopefully) don't expect free reign when they get other technology later. But if you don't want her to have one, that's up to you and nobody else

Snowpaw · 23/09/2022 12:50

Stand your ground OP - I have had a few people gently enquire if my nearly 4 yr old would like a tablet for Christmas etc - always answer no! Like yours, she plays imaginatively very well and for long periods of time. If she's ever clingy or whiney or hard to occupy its usually because she's hungry or tired, and giving her a tablet at those times won't help. Food and rest will!

They will live their adult lives in worlds surrounded by screens. I want to give her a world without them for as long as possible. I think its damaging for young brains to have such instant gratification that tablets provide.

MumCanIDoThat · 23/09/2022 12:52

My 6yo doesn't have one and hasn't even asked. He knows that he can use the family tablet but doesn't really ask further than that. I don't see any need for a 4yo to have a tablet.

notnownorma · 23/09/2022 13:00

Cosycover · 23/09/2022 08:30

I'm surprised she hasn't asked for one yet tbh.

My 5 year old asked aged 3 so she could watch YouTube videos that she watched in nursery.

Blimey. Hope to god you didn't give her one.