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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want my daughter having a tablet

110 replies

lookinguponhim · 23/09/2022 08:23

DD is 4.

She is impeccably well behaved (pure luck), and I just love listening to her playing :) She doesn't constantly bug me to engage with her playing etc. she will happily sit and play with Lego, babies, teddies, dolls house, drawing, etc etc

MIL is upset with me because I don't want her having a tablet.

I'm not against them! But DD doesn't need one? She isn't a constant 'I'm bored' type and I've never felt at a loss with regards to what to do for a quick 10 mins peace and quiet. She just plays

MIL says I am against her all the time, and I should let her have one. She says I'm pushing her out and won't let her buy this for DD, and that she needs one

AIBU to refuse and put my foot down here?

My 8 year old DS is profoundly autistic. I'd give anything for him to have liked his tablet at age 4! Or even now. But he doesn't have the mental capacity to operate one, I really wish he would

So I'm not against them particularly, but I just don't see the point

She watched a few programmes on telly but no need for an actual tablet

OP posts:
BloodAndFire · 23/09/2022 13:00

Ilostmysocks · 23/09/2022 12:21

You might not have a choice @lookinguponhim

Once they're at primary school they're expected to do Sumdog or Rockstars timetables amongst other educational apps.

We too didn't want to go down the tablet route but had no choice once teachers started naming and shaming those who didn't partake in educational app based homework.

You don't need a tablet for those. My kids also had to do TT Rockstars and Sumdog. I either let them use my laptop, or (post covid) one of the old laptops I turned into a Chromebook for home schooling.

There is absolutely no need at all for a child to have their own personal tablet in order to do 20 mins of TT Rockstars or whatever.

notnownorma · 23/09/2022 13:01

Ilostmysocks · 23/09/2022 12:21

You might not have a choice @lookinguponhim

Once they're at primary school they're expected to do Sumdog or Rockstars timetables amongst other educational apps.

We too didn't want to go down the tablet route but had no choice once teachers started naming and shaming those who didn't partake in educational app based homework.

They don't need their own to do that, surely?

Cactuslove · 23/09/2022 13:03

This is the only thing I really draw a line on. I think once ypu open that can of worms r.e. tablets and phones it's a done deal. My 4 yr old watches TV, plays with his lego, colours in etc. I just don't want what will inevitably be an addiction to hand held technology to start now at 4 yrs old. He has got a yoto player that he only has at bed time... perhaps your mil could look at that? Plays a kids radio station and reads books that you can buy separately... also has educational podcasts.

katenutzs · 23/09/2022 13:10

Stick with your stance on this, My grandaughter did not have one until she was 7 as she was exactly as you describe your DD. Now she can take it or leave it and only ever stays on for less than an hour an not every day.

Snowpaw · 23/09/2022 13:24

Also - kids that age need so much exercise - anything that encourages a child to sit still and motionless is not good. My HV says they need 3 hours of exercise a day. When you add on top of that time for meals / helping with meal prep, bath, play, looking at books etc there shouldn't be much time in the day for anything else.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 23/09/2022 13:29

Mine do have tablets - but I am under no illusion that it's ideal.

I would second the idea of putting your MIL on the idea of a yoto player though instead. Your daughter sounds like she would love it - they do a lovely interactive daily podcast where they get kids to draw things etc

LettuceJones · 23/09/2022 13:38

It takes minutes to learn how to use an ipad. They don't need to build up to it when they are four like they are learning to play the cello.

If a child doesn't know how to use an ipad or a laptop when they start school, it's completely fine. They will pick it up in no time at all.

Parents who say their dc need to be 'tech savvy' or they will be left behind are often the ones who don't teach them to ride a bike because they have a scooter or tie their shoe laces because they have Velcro shoes.

There are many ways to prepare your child for the world.

fruitbrewhaha · 23/09/2022 13:43

I bought my DDs tablets for their 8th birthday.

They had a bit of access to an ipad prior to this but not much.

Cakeorchocolate · 23/09/2022 16:40

YANBU.
Absolutely stick to your guns as you feel it's right for your dd at the moment.

I got dd one for her 7th birthday. I regret it. She is obsessed with it.

If she's not on it, she's nagging me for it, constantly. So it's just another job to keep saying no!

We ended up confiscating it for most of the summer. While she did frequently ask me for it back, it wasn't nearly as much as a standard week when she is allowed to use it. I very reluctantly gave it back so she can do homework for school on it. I would have happily left it shut away for a lot longer forever? though!

BettyBoops · 23/09/2022 16:45

Absolutely YANBU, you are the parent and mil needs to respect your boundaries.
My DD is 5 and very similar in terms of play happily entertains herself for hours with a fantastic imagination. Myself and DH both decided we didn't want DC to have tablets/consoles etc until they are older and she uses my tablet for any school work (numbots reading eggs etc)
My dad wanted to buy her a tablet last year and we said no, he wanted to buy her something 'more than just another toy' so we happily compromised on a kids echo dot so that she can listen to music & stories in her room.
Would a similar compromise work with MIL?

Mrscooper13 · 23/09/2022 16:47

my MIL bought both my 6yr old and 3yr old with out telling me and then I had to be a baddy for saying she had to take it back.

we have one and they can have limited time on it in the week but why else do they need one each.

I don’t understand why some MIL a want to have this power of being better. There’s plenty of other ways to give them great gifts.

Stick to your guns they will soon be moaning how quick they grow up

RobertNotBob · 23/09/2022 16:47

It's simple - your children, your rules. I love being a grandad, but it's not about what I want my grandchildren to have, it's for their parents to decide and for me to put my hand in my pocket as appropriate.
Stick to your guns

JSDLS · 23/09/2022 16:53

It sounds like your little girl is also autistic, mine is too. She has a tablet (she’s 3yo) but doesn’t beg for screen time and she has lots of other activities she like to do too.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 23/09/2022 16:53

No way would I give a 4 year old a tablet. Boo hoo to MIL if this upsets her.

broughton100 · 23/09/2022 16:54

Children don't need a tablet. They benefit far more from playing. I understand that parents resort to them for car journeys etc or when they need some uninterrupted time but if that is not you then stick to your guns. The yoto idea is a good one. You can record stories to be listened to.there are also podcasts to listen too.I agree with the idea of asking MIL to get one of those and some good picture books to go with it so daughter can listen and look at the same time. There will come a time when she will need to be computer literate but there is no rush. As for teachers naming and shaming children who don't do homework! Homework at primary level is voluntary surely. You can't assume all children have access to tablets etc and the Internet or opportunities to use them either.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 23/09/2022 16:55

JSDLS · 23/09/2022 16:53

It sounds like your little girl is also autistic, mine is too. She has a tablet (she’s 3yo) but doesn’t beg for screen time and she has lots of other activities she like to do too.

What makes you think her daughter is autistic?

AgathaMystery · 23/09/2022 16:57

Stand firm. No tablets here and DC are 10

Coybubbles · 23/09/2022 17:04

I think you’re being judgy and precious. As a parent it would be up to you how often if at all the gift was used.

My dd had access to some apps on my phone age 1 (shock horror) and a tablet aged 2. She’s not a lazy screen addict and is doing very well in school, takes part in various activities and has loads of friends. I think balanced parenting is good where kids can have access to everything in moderation…..

I would choose your battles wisely with your mil. When it comes to big ticket items like a cot etc you should absolutely be the one to choose, but equally I would try not to come across as the typical sanctimonious precious dil…again balance in all things is useful for family relations!

GreenManalishi · 23/09/2022 17:06

If you don't want your 4 year old daughter to have a tablet, your daughter does not have a tablet. That's the end of the line.

No matter how pushed out, upset your MIL feels. No matter how many hissy fits she throws, or how much she claims that you are against her. In fact, the more unreasonable she is, the less notice you need to take of her.

JustABloodyMinute · 23/09/2022 17:09

Hold off as long as you can. We were forced into it during lockdown when primary school published all the work they expected them to complete on apps. Unfortunately they now do the same with homework.

Spellcheck · 23/09/2022 17:25

Stand your ground - you’re her mum, you make the rules. You don’t have to justify anything to anyone!

vicky46 · 23/09/2022 17:32

First of all, your daughter, your choice. So you are absolutely not being unreasonable. I will say, my daughter had one (hand me down iPad) from about 3years old. She never pestered for it, it was me who would take it with us here and there if I thought she would be bored if we were out. She never really ever asked for it. The iPad was lost (my fault, at a hotel and must have overlooked it) several months ago now, she’s never asked for it and had never asked for a new one. I was really anal about what went on it and went through l the apps, keeping and deleting as I found appropriate. She also had Disney+ and Netflix etc on there for films.
I guess what I’m saying is, they don’t have to be addictive or bad for them if that’s your main concern. But I totally am with it being your decision as her parent x

BeanieTeen · 23/09/2022 17:36

She’s free to buy one, you don’t have to use it - you’ve made your feelings known, if she chooses to waste her money let her go ahead.

FixItUpChappie · 23/09/2022 17:38

Personally I think parents have en mass lost their minds with tablets and other tech for their kids.
For example my sons good friend (9yrs old) now won’t talk to him or sit with him on the bus because he is busy playing video games on his tablet and doesn’t want to be bothered by talking. What what kind of generation are we raising that can’t even sit on a bus and look out the fucking window and maybe chat with their buddies to entertain themselves 🤷‍♀️

You see it everywhere - toddlers with their faces buried in their parents phones. I honestly think it’s a weird unnecessary social experiment. And as if your kids going to be a genius computer programmer because you let them play video games from age 1yr onwards in all social settings 🙄

WindyKnickers · 23/09/2022 17:56

My DS had a kindle fire age 3 and still uses it now at 7. Tbh because he can use it whenever he wants (within reason) the novelty has worn off and now it's hardly used. He uses it for school apps a couple of times a week and the occasional game but he'd always rather be outside riding his bike. Sometimes having too many restrictions or rules can encourage kids to try and push the boundaries. Just like the kids that aren't allowed sweets who turn into obese teens.

That said, your kid, your choice.

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