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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want my daughter having a tablet

110 replies

lookinguponhim · 23/09/2022 08:23

DD is 4.

She is impeccably well behaved (pure luck), and I just love listening to her playing :) She doesn't constantly bug me to engage with her playing etc. she will happily sit and play with Lego, babies, teddies, dolls house, drawing, etc etc

MIL is upset with me because I don't want her having a tablet.

I'm not against them! But DD doesn't need one? She isn't a constant 'I'm bored' type and I've never felt at a loss with regards to what to do for a quick 10 mins peace and quiet. She just plays

MIL says I am against her all the time, and I should let her have one. She says I'm pushing her out and won't let her buy this for DD, and that she needs one

AIBU to refuse and put my foot down here?

My 8 year old DS is profoundly autistic. I'd give anything for him to have liked his tablet at age 4! Or even now. But he doesn't have the mental capacity to operate one, I really wish he would

So I'm not against them particularly, but I just don't see the point

She watched a few programmes on telly but no need for an actual tablet

OP posts:
FruitToast · 23/09/2022 09:01

Do we have the same MIL?

On the tablet front. No don't get one. We got the 4 year old one because 6 year old needed one for all her homework (neither me nor DH have a tablet) and thought it was only fair he had one too. Big mistake! He's obsessed all he does is ask for his tablet and we get tantrums when we say no. It's hard to get him to play indepently because he whines constantly for his tablet even though he knows it's not allowed during the week. Interestingly 6 year old can take it or leave it.

girlmom21 · 23/09/2022 09:05

lookinguponhim · 23/09/2022 08:53

She often does this. Suggests things I don't want and then gets in a hissy fit if I say we've got that already, or we don't need it etc

Drives me insane

How often are you rejecting her ideas?

If she wants to buy a gift and you're poo-pooing every suggestion she might feel like she's being got at.

Original poster
lookinguponhim · 23/09/2022 09:08

@girlmom21 she doesn't buy toys usually. It's bigger stuff like beds, cots etc

Things I want to choose and buy myself

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 23/09/2022 09:09

lookinguponhim · 23/09/2022 09:08

@girlmom21 she doesn't buy toys usually. It's bigger stuff like beds, cots etc

Things I want to choose and buy myself

Ah fair enough. I assumed you were being completely rational but thought I'd give her the benefit of the doubt

DarkShade · 23/09/2022 09:09

There are 0 reasons for a 4 year old who is happy to play to have a tablet.

YellowTreeHouse · 23/09/2022 09:09

She doesn’t need one, totally unnecessary and just lazy parenting.

BloodAndFire · 23/09/2022 09:11

4 is far too young for a tablet.

And your mil clearly can't handle not being in control of everything.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 23/09/2022 09:17

lookinguponhim · 23/09/2022 08:29

That's the thing, I don't want to sound so OTT but it is addictive and I don't want to turn a happy to play 4 year old into someone begging for more screen time

I'd stick to 'NO'.

she doesn't need one! She's very happily amusing herself, the best way forward is not to give her a screen!!

if MIL doesn't like it and whinges, just ignore it/change the subject.

tell her what DD would LOVE so she feels she's buying something special (black board? New pencils, clothes for her 'babies', (wooden/plastic fruit & veg to include in her play).

but DO NOT cave into a tablet!

gogohmm · 23/09/2022 09:24

Just stand your ground on this one, plenty of time for tech.

As for your 8 year old, don't give up - Dp's dd has learned to use hers despite having profound ld's and autism. For the first year she treated it like a tv, didn't touch it but then something clicked and now it has to be removed at night! She plays the same 8 minute episode over and over again, for added pain to those in the room it has music and she won't tolerate headphones Confused

user9825401 · 23/09/2022 09:25

My dd is 3 and has had one since she was 1. It's barely used - she prefers to play.

So even if you did get her one, you might find she's doesn't use it as much as you think she will.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 23/09/2022 09:26

It's lovely she wants to buy big helpful items, but ONLY if you want them & choose the items! Cots/beds etc are furniture in YOUR home & should be YOUR choice.

my Mum buys loads for my brother & SIL but learnt early she just pays, they choose! Obviously she'd rather choose herself, instead of feeling like a cash cow, but such is life!

BloodAndFire · 23/09/2022 09:26

user9825401 · 23/09/2022 09:25

My dd is 3 and has had one since she was 1. It's barely used - she prefers to play.

So even if you did get her one, you might find she's doesn't use it as much as you think she will.

You gave a tablet to a one-year-old ?

TheTeddyBears · 23/09/2022 09:27

It's up to you they don't have to have one. However there are a lot of educational games and stuff on them. It's not just about watching YouTube. We have the Amazon kids one. Sometimes I was like where did they learn that and realised it was from the tablet! My kids still play with toys too.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 23/09/2022 09:31

user9825401 · 23/09/2022 09:25

My dd is 3 and has had one since she was 1. It's barely used - she prefers to play.

So even if you did get her one, you might find she's doesn't use it as much as you think she will.

long may it last, BUT...

Your DD is only 3, even if she's not that interested for 2/3 years, once they start, it's addictive - because it's instant gratification. Chewing Gum for the mind!

if I were you I'd put it away, so she doesn't start preferring it.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 23/09/2022 09:33

TheTeddyBears · 23/09/2022 09:27

It's up to you they don't have to have one. However there are a lot of educational games and stuff on them. It's not just about watching YouTube. We have the Amazon kids one. Sometimes I was like where did they learn that and realised it was from the tablet! My kids still play with toys too.

How old are yours?

they soon stop wanting to play so called educational games when their friends introduce them to in educational games & want to play together online.

MarshaBradyo · 23/09/2022 09:37

Yanbu just stick with it

Dd 4 doesn’t have one and we don’t really use them anyway at any age, I’d say no thanks

Brigante9 · 23/09/2022 09:42

Why on earth does your mil want your child to be stuck in front of a screen?! How mad. If she wants to do the 'firsts' then eg cot/high chair, remind her you're the mum. Don't share what you want to get or she'll buy it first.

Hbh17 · 23/09/2022 09:45

Of course no 4 year old needs a tablet! There is nothing worse than seeing a small child plonked in front of a screen. Could you ask your MIL to buy your child some lovely books that they could enjoy reading together?

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/09/2022 09:45

There may be educational games on tablets but children don’t need them and there’s plenty they can learn, at their own rate, from playing with stones in the garden, building or sorting Lego, pretend and real cooking, being read to, singing.

The human race achieved plenty without babies and very young children gawping are screens no matter how educational the content is supposed to be.

Pumpkinsnearlyready · 23/09/2022 09:48

Promise mil when the time comes she can def be the one to buy her one!!

honeylulu · 23/09/2022 09:53

If DD has shown no interest in a tablet, wait as long as possible!

We got our daughter one when she was about four and a half, as she sometimes liked watching you tube on our phones but she didn't show any interest in actually using it for a couple of years. Then she got addicted to the bloody thing and we had to set strict screen time rules/limits.

Stick to your guns. My mum sometimes has very forceful ideas about what people "ought" to have. I didn't use a handbag until my mid 20s and it seemed to really annoy her. I got several from her as gifts which I never used!

lisavanderpumpscloset · 23/09/2022 09:53

Put your foot down. Every time.

Your child, your choice.

Brunonononooo · 23/09/2022 09:55

What a strange thing to be annoyed about by your MiL - I have a four year old and tbh I don’t think he hardly knows what a tablet is ha. If she wants to get your DD something like that couldnt she get a Tonie Box or Yoto player or something? No screens then but still a really nice present for your DD.

PeterRabbitagain · 23/09/2022 09:55

OMG stick to your guns OP!!! Your MIL is crazy to want that given what you've said about your DD's lovely behaviour and ability to play (you're so lucky by the way!).

We got into a real rut with tablets around the time we moved house and everything was hectic (no family support or childcare at the time) so we relied on tablet and DS got hooked. His concentration span and his patience levels dropped dramatically and we really noticed a terrible difference in his behaviour which was pretty terrifying. Thankfully it was only temporary and as soon as we moved in we took the tablets away and said they were broken. Within a few days he was back to reading books and playing nicely.

Honestly don't go down that road if you don't need to and please tell your MIL to butt out!!!!

Sarahcoggles · 23/09/2022 10:00

user9825401 · 23/09/2022 09:25

My dd is 3 and has had one since she was 1. It's barely used - she prefers to play.

So even if you did get her one, you might find she's doesn't use it as much as you think she will.

What made you think a 1 year old needed a tablet?