Entitled attitude: grandparents must provide childcare

[Hope54321]

I’m seeing a lot more of this attitude quite recently. Why do people have children if they can’t look after them or pay for their childcare? Why is it that grandparents are expected to do the childcare so the parents can work? I think it’s acceptable if the grandparents are offering to help out, but to feel like grandparents should be obliged to offer childcare is simply taking the biscuit.

People just can't get the heads around the idea of older women still working.

All families are different. I think people are allowed to vent if their parents don’t help them out- it really is a great help and life is so hard for working parents.

GPs have always provided childcare for the younger generation in my family and I will do the same for DD if she chooses to have grandchildren. It’s just what we do in our family.

I’m a SAHM now but my parents frequently offer to have baby for date nights, and has had her overnight already (staying at ours). My mum has already had the conversation about when I want to go back to work as she wants to go part-time to help me.

Not every family can afford to do this, but it’s very odd to my ears when GPs can help out a bit, but won’t.

That's ridiculous. A childish and incredibly entitled attitude. Your parents aren't responsible for everything you do when you're an adult.

That's just bullshit.

And my dad helps out too - he has her during my weekly driving lesson!

but I do agree that the burden is placed on older women, many who are still working themselves.

Both mine & my husbands parents both work full time jobs so there's no chance of childcare and because I can't afford to pay for childcare for my children I am a stay at home parent.

I don't have much of a choice. Our parents don't offer to have our children, we have asked a few times but the only night we have had to ourselves was our wedding night last year and our anniversary this year.

So while I do agree that there seems to be "some generational entitled attitude" it's not everyone. And for you to simply say don't have kids if you can't afford childcare etc is actually insulting considering the financial climate we're currently in!

What a strange philosophy. I raised my DC to be independent, fully-functioning adults. I am not responsible for their decisions.

For current grandparents it was possible to feed and house a family on a single income back when they had children themselves. And they usually had some grandparent childcare as well as lots of women were sah.

The current parents (millennials are pushing forty, so last minute for having kids) have encountered one economic crisis after another, they cannot afford houses like their parents could.

Fully agree with PP that this is the world grandparents helped create and have benefitted from. Don't blame governments, they didn't repeatedly vote for themselves, did they?

Are you having a fucking laugh?
Most grandparents of young grandchildren will be under 67 years old and likely still working themselves.
At that age, most of them have brought up their own children while working.
I'm a grandma of 6. I've always worked full time as have all my friends my age.

Life is undoubtedly now tougher for younger generations than it has been in recent history. Many families are in really tough situations where they need two incomes to have a reasonable quality of life and yet childcare is cripplingly expensive. Like it or not, many people that are grandparents now did have an easier time of things at a similar age and have benefited hugely from the relatively low house prices and generous pension schemes that are no longer an option for parents today.

To be honest in this context, I do think it's hugely selfish for grandparents to wash their hands of their children's struggles when they try to raise their own families. If they can reasonably offer some help with childcare then of course they should, in the same way that I believe that adult children should assist their elderly and vulnerable parents when the time comes. Obviously there are reasonable limits and expectations, but to think that you have no obligation to your family places a lot of burden on a struggling and underfunded state system and will leave some people in really terrible situations.

It takes a village to raise a child. Why is it so terrible that grandparents should help a bit ? Back in the day children were raised by big families. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, neighbours, great grandparents etc.

We were happier then. It's not natural to only be raised by mum and dad ( or mainly mum as is the case today ). Children grow up with unmet emotional needs.

The more time they can have with extended family, like grandparents, the better. They'll learn so much from the inter generational dynamic too.

So, yes, I will help with the grandchildren. Just as was the case in my home. It's what Family is all about. I can't understand why you'd not want to do that. Of course, help needs to be sought in a respectful way that suits all parties.

There's some strange replies on this thread.
My parents are still working so we couldn't use them for childcare, even if we wanted to. They won't be retiring any time soon, not with the cost of things nowadays. Both nearly 70 aswell.

It is really sad that it seems the generation of grandparents that actually felt some responsibility for their grandchildren are dying out. When I was a kid me, my cousins and friends would spend hours over the weekends with our grandparents. My nan would pick me up from school a few days a week. My fondest memories are being with them. But now it's "your kids, your responsibility" coming from the parents who would leave their own kids with grandparents. Maybe it's due to parents having to work later in life or feeling less obliged to help with their grand children. It is sad. My children aren't bothered with their grandparents because they don't bother with them.

It's the world grandparents have created. Most families will require 2 working parents to have any chance of putting a roof over the kids head.
Grandparents could avoid this by giving back to the system that has given them so much. However, I don't see this happening anytime soon, so maybe chin up and help out

On the off chance that you actually have a point and aren't just trying to wind people up, maybe you could explain?

I don't have any help from grandparents because we live too far away/they're not well enough. But I must admit I find it strange when I read stories on here about grandparents who are local, healthy and not working and refuse to do even occasional childcare. I would be hurt in that position as it makes such a huge difference practically and financially.

I think entitlement works both ways. Some adult children think they're entitled to insist their parents give up their lives to look after their kids, yes. But equally some grandparents can't seem to understand that most families need two full time incomes now and that childcare can cost the equivalent of one of those wages.

THERE ARE SOME BATSHIT RESPONSES ON THIS THREAD.

What are you talking about?

I was 42 when I became a grandmother, 10 years ago.
I didn't create the situation of two parents needing to work. I was giving back to the system by working.

I never expected my children's grandparents to care for my children.

So sorry, I didnt mean to shout 😟

Life is undoubtedly now tougher for younger generations than it has been in recent history. Many families are in really tough situations where they need two incomes to have a reasonable quality of life and yet childcare is cripplingly expensive. Like it or not, many people that are grandparents now did have an easier time of things at a similar age and have benefited hugely from the relatively low house prices and generous pension schemes that are no longer an option for parents today.
Are you saying that you want to go back to the good old days where a man's salary was sufficient to buy a house and the woman remained at home, chained to the kitchen?

You’re right @Hope54321. Grandparents shouldn’t feel pressured into doing childcare.

But equally if grandparents don’t want to help out, they should just say a firm, “ahh we love the grandkids but committing to childcare doesn’t work for us, sorry.”

They are also adults, and if not doing any childcare is what they want, they should just say that surely… problem solved

You're not serious surely?

My family or my husband's family never helped out at all. If it was an emergency they did ( once or twice) but mostly it was get on with it.
I did envy those who had childcare on tap.
It seemed ideal , but there is always a trade off with any arrangement.
At least we became self sufficient
It was different times though.

Thats not how I personally perceive things - most grandparents I know are really keen to look after their grandchildren and spend time regularly with them, yet most of the parents I know would prefer the kids in more dependable and structured paid childcare given the choice. Most of my friends do or have done a hybrid arrangement where they have a child in nursery most days then a day with grandparents as a compromise.

I suppose each family has a different dynamic - what one family might call having granddaughter round for tea twice a week, another might call an outrageously entitled free childcare service. It hugely depends on the individuals involved - some families are just closer knit and naturally want to help each other out, others have a more transactional approach to life, others simply don’t have the time or resources to be looking after their grandkids as they have busy lives.

People just do what works for them and their families.

‘It takes a village’ - a willing village though, surely? And even among those, what form this takes will vary according to the villagers you ask.

life may be harder nowadays, but ultimately your kids are your responsibility, and that’s something to consider before you have them.

Totally disagree, Ds's grandad is the one that does most of our Childcare.