Entitled attitude: grandparents must provide childcare

[Hope54321]

I’m seeing a lot more of this attitude quite recently. Why do people have children if they can’t look after them or pay for their childcare? Why is it that grandparents are expected to do the childcare so the parents can work? I think it’s acceptable if the grandparents are offering to help out, but to feel like grandparents should be obliged to offer childcare is simply taking the biscuit.

I don't expect childcare and don't ask other than the odd hour here and there. I do find it amusing my parents had my grandparents doing huge amounts of childcare for me as a kid and very clearly have no interest in passing that on down the line. I think it is actually my grandparents who are most upset by it. They see it as something they know helped my parents massively get to where they are and they are disappointed they aren't being "thanked" with the same help being given to me.

There’s also the assumption behind this that everyone loves being around small children. I know my mother wouldn’t have had any if it wasn’t simply the expectation in her pre-Pill youth that one married and had children. If I’d had any I certainly wouldn’t have asked her to do childminding on anything but a once-in-a-blue-moon-and-maybe-not-that-often basis. Being expected to mind the grandchildren on a regular basis when you didn’t particularly like children in general the first time around would be horrendous.

My son is one year off the age that I had him. I'm mid 40s. If he had children now I could not afford to quit work and provide child care. I need to work another 20 years.

My Mum was in the same situation work-wise and couldn't help, so I used child care.

As a parent I firmly believe it is your responsibility to provide for your child(ren) including childcare. Great if Grandparents can and do want to help, but they're not morally obliged.

I wasn’t expecting any regular help though my parents wanted to do a week and they regularly take the kids overnight in the holidays now. The only times we’ve really asked for help has been if kids are poorly when one of us is travelling for work and during second lockdown. My parents help at times like that has been invaluable. I’ll be honest I would question a bit the relationship you have with your kids if you would not help them in those sorts of situations just because you don’t really want to and won’t entirely enjoy it. I can’t imagine being available to help my parents or brother or kids or even a close friend when they were stuck because I was a bit tired or I wanted a chill day or wouldn’t enjoy helping them or similar. Families are all different though and I think these things are reciprocal. If my parents need help when they get older we would absolutely have them live with us or, if they preferred, buy them a flat close by with a warden or similar and pop in to see them every day, help with shopping, appointments etc. My Dad helps us with childcare as much as my mum and my OH will help with elder care if it’s needed. I feel like willingness to help is eroded if people never return the favour though whatever the relationship.

Apologies as I have not read the whole thread. I am not a GP, but am at an age where many of my friends are becoming GPS.

The OP and many, many of the comments seem to think that GPs are retired, elderly, comfortably well off; nothing could be further fr on the truth,

My group of friends ( 50’s to early 60s’) are still working , as the cost of living is hitting us too.

None of my friends where SAHMs; we worked , mostly with children getting childcare , often patchwork childcare.

The idea that parents could bring up a family on one wage or salary was well gone by the time I was getting married ( 1980s), at least where I lived.

Times are very hard, I really do get that, but it was always thus, except on TV Land.

I have a solution, but thankfully being the mother of three boys I'm unlikely to have to provide the childcare. I didn't expect my parents to be providing any, and they live too far away anyway. I'm going to have far too many dogs to be looking after any grandchildren!

Thus? 😳

Yes, thus. Very old saying “It was ever thus” meaning It’s always been that way. Why the 😳?

@Bettyboop3 Im surprised that you have never heard of this common expression.

😂😂😂😂

In wealthier circles grandparents are also expected to pay for nursery / private school fees. If they can’t afford to they usually get sacrificed for the grandparent who can afford things.

S

Yes should not be presumed. Ties your days. My mother never helped prob 1 nights babysitting in ten years! We just had to manage. Was very hard though. I envy people with loads of help.

It's fine ,and I would think natural, to want to help your kids out with occasional babysitting and in an emergency. What's not fine is having kids and assuming that GP's will commit to regular childcare when they've already raised their families and are enjoying their retirement. Reading through some of these posts, it's very clear there's a lot of entitlement going on.

Most of the grandparents at my children's school pay for the school fees.
End do drop offs and pick ups.
Often the holidays too.
These are parents earning £100k plus each.
It's how the rich get richer, if we start lambasting the poor for coping it's only going to end one way.

@Catsmere Im child free by choice and Gen X and im grateful my generation got the choice

IMO the "it takes a village" brigade just want the bits that suit. Rarely do they like it when you tell their child off for running around a coffee shop where hot drinks are being served.

Yes, and heaven forfend you object to their ice-cream sticky toddlers draping themselves over you on public transport. Even just trying to shift away makes you “a nasty piece of work” according to one charming woman I encountered.

I help when I can, to the extent of using my own holiday time. Happy to do so when possible. At nearly 74 I still need to work and I don't think that is always understood. My kids grandparents were rarely called upon to help me, they weren't in great health. My dad lived much too far away.

I think it's possibly because those same children were half raised by THEIR grandparents so assume the same will follow.

It works both ways though, my mil has provided some childcare for us since retiring, we accepted reluctantly because nursery couldn't offer us the days we needed when I returned to work.

We ensure it's minimal, that she only has 1 of the 2 children on the day and everything is here for her to make life as easy as possible. I have just dropped a day and eldest starts school in August so thankfully we can stop. She'll hopefully still help out in the odd emergency if free. However my motivation is more that she overfeeds them crap so incredibly my eldest has gained significant weight since she started having him a day a week.

I don't mind a treat but we're talking 2 chocolate bars, a bag of crisps, a bag of mini cheddars, lunch at McDonald's, 3 fruit shoots over a working day level of excess. Normal day with us he has maybe a bag of crisps or mini cheddars and a cup of squash, sweets and chocolate are huge treats and he doesn't look for them, even on the days she has him she's shoving them at him not him asking. We've spoken and spoke. To her but she doesn't see the excess, she's obese herself.

If I could have him in paid childcare the entire time I work I would and if I could temporarily drop another day u til he starts school I would but neitherseens to be possible so I grit my teeth and say thank you.

Anyway, yes, it's mad to me that people are so entitled but honestly I don't know a single parent grandparent relationship where I see that entitlement. All my peers have parents desparaoto help out where they have to limit the time for reasons like ours or mostly the grandparents just pop in for a visit once every couple of weeks to be made tea and waited on while they take photos with the kids and head off for another fortnight

https://inews.co.uk/news/grandparents-retiring-early-plug-broken-childcare-system-2334495

You what!!??

Have you never heard of a babysitter...?

Hear hear!

This is an old thread!

Eh?