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Original poster

Husbands cousins have used the baby name we want

150 replies

blubbery · 21/09/2022 20:19

Their baby was born a couple of weeks ago. Ours is due next week.

Would you still use the same name ?

We have had our hearts set on it for years. They knew and obviously liked it too. Does it matter ?

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland2 · 22/09/2022 14:04

I think it depends how common it is… if it’s a Tom/Olivia type name I’d not be too annoyed and call my baby the same. If it’s really unusual It might be harder to pull off

CatSeany · 22/09/2022 14:17

I'd use it. We had a similar awkward situation a few years ago when I was pregnant and expecting a baby a couple of months before my cousin. She found out what she was having, announced the sex and the name. We had our hearts set on that name and had done for probably two years, but didn't say anything because we didn't want to announce the names we had planned and didn't know what we were having. We had the opposite sex as it happens, but 18 months later had the same sex with our second child and we went with that name because we'd had it picked out for ages and loved it so much. Perhaps your cousin has loved the name for just as long as you?

zingally · 22/09/2022 14:23

Go for it. The children will be different sides of the family, and they'll hardly ever meet.
If I think of my dad's cousins and the cousins kids... I've met them probably less than half a dozen times in my nearly 40 years.

I have two cousin Andrews, one on dads side, one on mums. As far as I know, the only time they have ever met was at my dad's funeral. Growing up, we referred to Big Andrew and Little Andrew as there was a 10+ years age gap.

Just go ahead and use the name.

MRSE20 · 22/09/2022 14:23

I’d use the same name if I had my hearts set on it

Dixiechickonhols · 22/09/2022 14:23

I think if it’s a common top 20 type name use it. If it’s very unique or unique spelling it does look odd. Also factor in how often you see them and if they will be at same schools or activities. Both boys called Bear- Wolf McDonald in same year at secondary school will attract comments. Two Jack McDonalds who meet every 5 years at weddings or funerals no issue.

ItsaMetalBand · 22/09/2022 14:31

My cousin's wife 'stole' my baby name.

It's a fairly standard name in Ireland though not one of the more popular ones - so most people would know one person with that name, but there wouldn't be 5 of them in the classroom for example.

But where cousins live it wouldn't be a common name. So they probably thought it was unique or edgy or something. It didn't bother me because I don't feel names can be taken but they clearly didn't bother to google translate it because they paired it with a middle name in english of the same name. So the translation is kind of like Billy Willie or Lizzie Beth or that sort of combo and I think that's fucking hilarious.

pinkyredrose · 22/09/2022 14:40

HorribleHerstory · 21/09/2022 21:31

I wouldn’t use it. It’s important to me that my DC have their own name, and sad as it is, you will be the second in this race. There are so many thousands of names out there, I could name a football teams worth of kids.

a name is there to differentiate us from others and if it doesn’t do that it’s not fit for purpose.

Just choose another (ten)

What a strange perspective. Second in the race? What race would that be? As for having 'thier own name' they'd have that anyway wouldn't they.

DistrictCommissioner · 22/09/2022 14:55

Two of my cousins have used the same
name for their kid. Doesn’t really strike me as an issue.

ShaneTwane · 22/09/2022 15:14

Could you double barrel it with another name?

So for example their baby is clara jones and yours is clara-jane jones,

Or theirs is Steven smith and yours Steven-Lee smith?

pinkpotatoez · 22/09/2022 15:16

No that's odd for family to have two new additions with the same first and last name. Choose something else and don't tell anyone names you like in the future people will steal them as annoying as it is

DPotter · 22/09/2022 15:26

We have 2 Christophers in our family - both on my Mum's side, although they have different surnames. Eyebrows were raised briefly but it's a non issue now

Confusion101 · 22/09/2022 15:30

Noviembre · 22/09/2022 13:47

Never ever reveal your name before you actually name the baby. If they knew what you intended and used it, well, they're jerks but no one owns a name. They just lack imagination.

Use it anyway. Then don't talk to them much. In a few months you'll have forgotten them and your child be your focus. Some other random kid with their name will be of no consequence to you.

@Noviembre I didn't reveal my baby name, it was a name we both instantly fell in love with. Then a relation of mine had a boy and told me "oh if we had had a girl or if we ever have a girl we will use X". Low and behold it was the exact name I had been trying to keep secret. Anyway I went on to have a girl, and it looks like I was a dick that stole their name but really I fell in love with it separately to knowing they wanted it. So keeping it a secret doesn't always work! 🙈

DarkShade · 22/09/2022 15:39

I think that it's fine. I also think they did nothing wrong using the name. My sister (no partner, no kids, no intention of having kids soon) went mad at me when I said we were thinking about a particular name for baby that was due, because apparanetly it was the name "she had chosen and always said she wanted for her own child" - news to me! Maybe she had mentioned it, years ago and in passing. What I am trying to say is, your chosen baby name is special to you but unless you actually had said while pregnant "we will call the baby X" you simply cannot expect other people to remember what names you like.

HelloAvocado · 22/09/2022 15:43

The girls will be second cousins- it's not that close a relationship (I don't even know most of mine). Use it.

Dixiechickonhols · 22/09/2022 15:52

HelloAvocado · 22/09/2022 15:43

The girls will be second cousins- it's not that close a relationship (I don't even know most of mine). Use it.

It depends on relationship. My mum and her cousin were more like sisters and I saw lots of my 2nd cousin we went to dancing class together every week. She is my age would have been odd to have exact name. There were cousins in a class at DD’s primary again would be weird if same name.

notalwaysalondoner · 22/09/2022 16:05

My family has had family names, so I've always been used to this and think it is not an issue. There are currently 3 Laura's living in the same town of similar ages, we figure out who is who when we're chatting, it's fine. My baby was the second of the name (admittedly the other one is a 3rd cousin but he lives in the same village).

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 22/09/2022 17:55

Absolutely use the same name. Our cousin used the same name that my brother and wife used for their baby. Total non issue!

Cakecakecheese · 22/09/2022 18:31

My partner's cousin and sister were expecting boys around the same time as us and we all wanted the same name. We considered going ahead with it as we were first but in the end it put us off it and we chose a different name, as did his sister. The cousin hasn't had her baby yet but I'm assuming she'll use it.

RealityTV · 22/09/2022 21:18

@blubbery, there are some TRULY unimaginative people in this world! How is it with BILLIONS of names, you two decide on the same one? Did you tell them your name? If I were you, and you STILL like the name, I would say do what is in the best interest of your CHILD! Would your CHILD benefit from having the same name as the cousin? Will your child become "Little name" while the cousin is "Big name"? Will the name create issues in the family long term? These are the questions you need to answer! Remember that a name isn't about YOU - the name is about YOUR CHILD and the issues they will have with or without that name! Think long and hard about that. If it benefits your CHILD, then go for it. If it doesn't, choose something else! Think about the fact that this is a name the child will have throughout their lives. It's important that you think through that decision carefully for your child's sake! Congrats to you, no matter what you decide, and please update us on what you decide to do!

Tuilpmouse · 22/09/2022 23:10

How often are you likely to meet?

Are you a close extended family who live in the same locality and they'll be going to the same school etc.

Or are they cousins who live miles away who you'll only see at family weddings and funerals,

If more the former, that might be tricky. If more the latter, use the name you've got your heart set on.

Duchess379 · 23/09/2022 00:08

2 of my cousins have named their kids with the same name - they've just spelt it differently. Do it!

DawnShakhar · 23/09/2022 16:36

It really doesn't matter whether it's a family name or not. cousins with the same name are fairly common, due to being named after a common grandparent, so that I doubt that anyone will question it. If they do, answer with a smile: Yes, we had always planned to name our child Donal, and when we told X and Y, they fell in love with the name - so now there are two Donal Cousins!
That way you don't blame your inlaws for poaching or for fussing about the same name, and at the same time make it clear that they were the copycats.

ItsaMetalBand · 26/09/2022 14:16

Just remembered there, I'm slightly older than a cousin with the same name and surname as me. When she was born we lived in a different country so I suppose her mother felt that it was a safe enough choice. Then we moved back to that town a couple of years later.

I remember hearing several times in my 20s that I was supposedly cheating on a bloke, or some guy I'd never met claiming he'd shagged me (which got back to my mother via my catty sister!) and it was only when I was in my 40s and at a family funeral that my cousin mentioned that she had the same experience - we clearly had been gossiped about up and down the town but were responsible for only half of the rumours!

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 26/09/2022 14:28

parietal · 21/09/2022 21:39

register the gmail address and domain name now if you can. and use the name for your baby!

(and add a distinctive middle name that your child could use instead if they chose at a later age).

This is a great idea!!
I would still use the name, it's not like they are sisters, I think it's a distant enough relative to be okay.
If you're planning any more kids, I'd keeping your names to yourself though...

ddl1 · 26/09/2022 14:30

Fine to use it! Is the surname the same? If so, perhaps they could be given distinctive middle names.

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