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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husbands cousins have used the baby name we want

150 replies

blubbery · 21/09/2022 20:19

Their baby was born a couple of weeks ago. Ours is due next week.

Would you still use the same name ?

We have had our hearts set on it for years. They knew and obviously liked it too. Does it matter ?

OP posts:
Original poster
blubbery · 21/09/2022 21:03

SweetLittlePixie · 21/09/2022 21:00

I wouldnt use it. Just pick something else. Yours will just be “Anna 2” forever. Unless you never see them, then it doesnt matter i guess. But everyone will think you copied.

We just cannot agree on any other name !

OP posts:
Original poster
blubbery · 21/09/2022 21:08

tillytoodles1 · 21/09/2022 20:59

My grandma was an Irish Catholic and all her kids had St's names. My mum and her nine brothers and sisters followed suit and my brothers and male cousins all share a few names between them, same with the girls. When we talk about them we always use their surnames too.

Yup we have a similar background. All cousins used to have the same first names. It's not as common nowadays. The name is NOT a family name. We will use a family name as a middle name though ( different one go the one cousin has used ).

OP posts:
Pumpkinsnearlyready · 21/09/2022 21:08

Unless they will be in the same school go for it!

toastofthetown · 21/09/2022 21:09

Personally I wouldn't use it. There's nothing wrong with still using it, but a recent baby in the family with the name would taint it for me. Especially with the same surname. Sounds like your husband feels the same way.

Was the name a common one? If it's a popular name anyway I might feel different, but a name being unusual is important to me, so maybe why I feel that way.

Aubriella · 21/09/2022 21:10

They knew you liked it so go ahead and use it!

00100001 · 21/09/2022 21:11

Dear lord.its fine.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 21/09/2022 21:12

I have the same name as my sister-in-law (I took DH's surname on marriage, she reverted to her family name after divorce) Everyone can tell the difference between us.

ILoveYoga · 21/09/2022 21:17

It all depends how close the family will be. I have a cousin who has a daughter with the same name as my daughter. My daughter uses a shortened nickname and my cousin’s daughter uses the entire name.

however, the two girls have only been around each other a handful of times so it never mattered.

I’d also say that we have a few family names for males. We have first cousins, fathers and sons all with the same first name. None are ever a 1 or 2.

TempNameChangexx · 21/09/2022 21:25

I wouldn't worry about it at all
My dad has the same name (and middle initial) as my brother, his brother and HIS son have identical names and - at one point - there were 3 relatives (all 1st cousins/uncles) called John and 3 female relatives all called Elizabeth
All with the same surname - you'll manage !

Luredbyapomegranate · 21/09/2022 21:27

Will you see much of them? If not just use it.

My cousin born a couple weeks before me nicked my name. We saw them once a year tops - I would absolutely have had the same name.

Could you tell your husband not to worry because you’ll use a short form and then not used it,

QueSyrahSyrah · 21/09/2022 21:28

Use it, what does it matter in the grand scheme of things? I know someone whose brother married a girl with the same first name as her, so for a few years (until the sister married and took her Husbands name) there were two 'Lucy Smith's in the close family. Nobody cared.

Nymeria6 · 21/09/2022 21:29

Use it.

lemartin · 21/09/2022 21:31

My name is Lauren, so is my cousin. I'm older. It doesn't matter. :)

HorribleHerstory · 21/09/2022 21:31

I wouldn’t use it. It’s important to me that my DC have their own name, and sad as it is, you will be the second in this race. There are so many thousands of names out there, I could name a football teams worth of kids.

a name is there to differentiate us from others and if it doesn’t do that it’s not fit for purpose.

Just choose another (ten)

LaLaLouella · 21/09/2022 21:33

I wouldn't use the same name as a cousin who is pretty much the same age. Comparisons, confusion....

Just pick another name, there are literally thousands.....

Pallisers · 21/09/2022 21:34

They will be second cousins. How much are they really going to interact? Unless you live in the same village and they will be going to the same school, I wouldn't be bothered.

I grew up spending a fair bit of time with my first and even my second cousins and we do get together for an annual bash but now we are all adults I'd be hard put to name their children.

I also have cousins where one named her two daughters Laura and Mary. The other named her first daughter Laura-Mary. No one was bothered.

Darbs76 · 21/09/2022 21:34

I personally wouldn’t if it’s the same first and surname to be honest. As others have said no-one owns a name, but I’d never just use a name that a friend or family member said they were using for my own child. Get the baby name book out, and decide when baby arrives

00100001 · 21/09/2022 21:35

HorribleHerstory · 21/09/2022 21:31

I wouldn’t use it. It’s important to me that my DC have their own name, and sad as it is, you will be the second in this race. There are so many thousands of names out there, I could name a football teams worth of kids.

a name is there to differentiate us from others and if it doesn’t do that it’s not fit for purpose.

Just choose another (ten)

How often are they going to cross paths with their dad's cousin's kids??? Confused

parietal · 21/09/2022 21:39

register the gmail address and domain name now if you can. and use the name for your baby!

(and add a distinctive middle name that your child could use instead if they chose at a later age).

Eeksteek · 21/09/2022 21:41

Nah. One of mum’s cousin’s has the same name as me. I loved it - we called her by where she lived to save confusion which aliterated nicely, and wasn’t too much of a mouthful - Egham Eek - and I thought it was awesome we had the same name and felt really bonded with her.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/09/2022 21:43

Just use it op. Did you tell them the name and they copied you? Or did both couples like the name. This is a question you’ll be asked by family I imagine.

MatildaJayne · 21/09/2022 21:43

They’re only second cousins, sharing one set of great grandparents out of 4 sets. Unless the parents are really close with your DH, I’d still use it. I changed my mind over my DS1’s name because my uni best friend used it 3 months before I had DS. They have met 3 times in 25 years!

Confusion101 · 21/09/2022 21:49

In this situation I consider how often they will be in each others company. If the answer is a lot, I wouldn't use it. If not, defo defo use it. Even if they get snippy over it, they'll get over it. They don't own the name.

Magnanimouse · 21/09/2022 21:58

My dad's cousin called his child the same as me, around 6 years after I was born.

We also have the same surname, so exactly the same name.

My dad's family are in the US so we never really interacted and have only met once when we were kids.

I found it really quirky as a child that someone else had the same name as me, particularly since I've only ever met about 5 other people with my first name in my whole life!

VestaTilley · 21/09/2022 21:58

Use it. If you don’t see them very often it doesn’t matter. Some relatives might think you’re copying, but just tell them you wanted it years ago.

In future, don’t tell anyone the names you have in mind!