Husbands cousins have used the baby name we want

[blubbery]

Their baby was born a couple of weeks ago. Ours is due next week.

Would you still use the same name ?

We have had our hearts set on it for years. They knew and obviously liked it too. Does it matter ?

If it is a younique spelling of a normal name, then don't go for the same name, otherwise just make sure that they have a middle name with a different initial to the other baby to differentiate them at family meetings.

I’d only worry if they live in same area and mix a lot.

My cousin was pregnant at the same time as me and I was worried she’d call her child the same as mine (our DHs are from the same background and it’s an obvious name that works well in English too). She didn’t, phew. But I’d completely overlooked that it’s almost the same name as another cousin’s child. It’s no issue at all, the common great grandparents are long since dead and my mum and Aunty mix up everyone’s names anyway.

If use it still.

Out of interest what is the first name?

How often are they going to cross paths with their dad's cousin's kids???

This is really the main consideration … my brother has same names as 2 of my cousins kids - it has never been an issue

I have same name as my cousin’s wife - not an issue, I call her X’s wife, pretty sure she calls me (my mum’s) daughter when talking about each other

V likely family will just call them ‘Xs son blah’ & ‘Y’s boy blah’ or similar

The only things that would make me think twice: v unusual name OR if you are an unusually close family & see each other all the time (like weekly), or kids likely to be in same school

I wouldn’t.

If it is the same first name and surname and you actually see each other pretty often then definitely not. They'd be fuming and everyone would think you were odd and copied them.

If it was a sister or best friend I might not but your husbands cousin is hardly someone you are going to see on a daily basis, if my large (and a lot closer than most) family is anything to go by. Sure we are close in friendship and kinship but dont see each other often as we are spread out geographically, and even the ones in the same town dont see each other much as we have jobs, lives and do the old "We really must arrange something" and then dont thing from one years end to the next! My cousin and I have been going for dinner for about 5 years so far (and I have taken the Covid interlude out of that) as we never get around to sorting it out!!

OP, I don’t think you’ve mentioned whether you definitely know your having the same sex baby as the cousin. If you don’t, the issue may not even come up.

‘Vomplain’ is going in my lexicon of favourite words

Who the hell cares
Name your baby the name you picked out
They are his cousins. Not his siblings

And even then. Id still name my kid that.

The same name can feel different on different people, the way the same top can look different on different people.

If I imagine a tall, broad, muscular, affable, friendly guy called Michael (or Robert or Julian), the name can feel like a strong, pleasant, masculine kind of name. Then if I imagine a slender, thoughtful, intellectual, diffident guy and repeat the name to myself while picturing him, the name feels quite different — gentler somehow.

I know lots of people who share a name but in my head it's almost like they don't, really, because the name feels like a different name depending on which Sarah/Richard/Rebecca/Emma/Simon I'm thinking of.

And I also love vomplain. For when complaining isn't quite strong enough to get your message across.

I have two cousins called Margaret born a couple of months apart. Neither had a middle name. No one was upset about it. If we were talking about them we used an initial.

I think you must insist they change their babys Birth Certificate. Thats obviously YOUR name and only YOU get to use it for your baby, when its born.

John started crawling today.
I thought he was crawling already.
No, I mean blubbery’s John.
Thats nice that they’re both crawling now.

Yeah, very confusing 🙄

I've got two sets of cousins with the same names:

two boys called *Ollie

and two girls called *Sophia

It's never crossed my mind that it's odd - our family is massive and spread out all over the country / world and spread out in ages, so maybe that's why it doesn't seem odd.

I'd go for it if you really love the name, hope DH comes round!

I would still use it. Until my generation my family tree is a mass of John and Richard on one side and John and (possibly outing so not saying what) Welsh name on the other.

Two of my dc's cousins have exactly the same name - they are not related as it is their first cousin on dh's side and second cousin on my side (but I am very close to my cousins so the relationship is more like a first cousin in terms of how much we see them). They don't care. These family members are occasionally in the same room.

It seems a lot of people are saying use it.. I think the problem with using it now is the uniqueness has been taken away and you will get that reaction of ‘oh that’s Sarah’s kid’s name’. If I had a close second I think I would probably go with with. I have two girls names I would use like that, both very rare but my friend randomly mentioned she liked one in conversation without me ever telling her my names. We’re both ttc now I think from what she’s said and I’m already thinking please let me get pregnant first so I don’t have this situation 🙈 For boy’s names we only ever had one so I don’t know what we would have done if someone close to us had used it. If it was really close I think we’d probably of had to think of another but it wouldn’t of been easy

Also my family is small and we see my aunt, cousins etc a lot so maybe that makes a difference. If you have a bigger family and don’t see them often maybe it’s easier to use it then

Unless there is a realistic chance of them being in the same class/year at school then just use your name.

We see DH's cousins children once a year, if that. It really wouldn't matter. If you are very close & see each other all the time it might be different.

Did you change your surname upon marriage? If not you could double barrel baby's surname to distinguish from the second cousin (or whatever their relationship is).

If not, the decision for me would be based on how much they saw each other. Same village/school/playmates? No, I wouldn't, as they'd struggle to have their own identity.

But if they're only going to meet once a year at Christmas then it's fine.

They don't share actual grandparents in common. All grandparents are gone anyway.

But it wouldn't have been grandparents, but great grandparents they would have had in common.

I wouldn't call my child the same name as my sibling's child, personally.

This is a cousin. At the moment we see them maybe 2-3 times a year. But I assume we will see each other more eventually, for play dates etc. or maybe not.

We do live in the same area, but it's not a village at all. There are so many schools in the area, I doubt they'll be at the same school. It won't be the same catchment area for primary schools for example.

I'd carry on. Unless they live round the corner and their child is going to the same schools and shares a surname, I can't see the problem.

It would depend on how close you live and how often you see them for me.

If you both live in the same small village and both boys are 'Oliver Smith' and will see each other regularly and attend the same school, use the same GP surgery, have similar DOB etc. I would pick a new name.

If you live in different places e.g. Exeter and Aberdeen, will use different school and GP surgery etc. then I would stick with your name.

Of course. It's not exactly close family is it?

Never ever reveal your name before you actually name the baby. If they knew what you intended and used it, well, they're jerks but no one owns a name. They just lack imagination.

Use it anyway. Then don't talk to them much. In a few months you'll have forgotten them and your child be your focus. Some other random kid with their name will be of no consequence to you.