To let my teen wear black to a wedding?

[Bikeybikeface]

I often hear that black is a no no for weddings unless it’s background for a colourful pattern. Her style is a bit alt, bit gothy. She originally said she’d like a trouser suit and we looked but there’s not much selection for her age/size. So, we’ve found a skater style black dress with long sleeves which she hasn’t hissed at turned her nose up at. It’s a winter wedding so long sleeves will be ok and not out of place.

I don't understand this. I wouldn't invite a teen to my wedding unless we were somewhat close (yes even family...I don't understand sending courtesy invites to teenage family members you barely ever speak to)....so you must know them pretty well. Just blimmin ask them. Communicate. Hey know your DD is gothy, so joke if you must about how she won't look at dresses other than black.
Everyone is different. If they don't like it or someone comments are you going to say "well mumsnet said..."? No. Just ask them and save yourself the hand wringing before and after, as then you can be safe in the knowledge you are not offending rhe couple

Let her wear black. It will be fine.

I've seen some people rock up to weddings in hideous rainbow coloured flowery dresses before and I can 100% tell you that looked worse.

I'm imagining someone walking onto a dance floor wearing black and everyone else sloping off to weep into their drinks.

Who lives like this? Who cares so much about what other people are wearing?

I'd just be impressed that she'd go to the wedding. For me, it wouldn't bother me one little bit - she's a teen - they all wear black. As a mum - I'd try and steer her away from the massive black eyeliner and black lipstick look through.

Getting a goth teen to just 'stick a bright jazzy jacket' over a black dress is akin to asking her to wear a clown outfit. I understand you wouldn't like it but I think most people would rather their guests came looking like themselves rather than wearing something they obviously feel uncomfortable in. Teens can be awkward anyway. Stick one in what would feel like fancy dress and they will look ridiculous. I know people who pretty much wear exclusively black every day. I wouldn't expect them to turn up looking like a peacock. If I invite them, I know what they wear. I'd love them there because I love them. Wearing black is the biggest non issue. Far rather that then some of the unfortunate dated outfits I see some people drag out of the back of their wardrobe desperately trying to wear 'wedding' clothes. Dressing nicely is expected. Wearing specific colours, not so much

I wore a black pinstriped coat dress to a wedding in the 1980's, I added chunky jewellery, red shoes, bag & hat.

Just did a little Google research! Pretty much everything I'm reading from the USA and UK say the 'rules' are so different now. Depending on location, time of year, time of day and type of venue, it is absolutely ok to wear black as a guest to a wedding as long as it's in the right style for the event. So there you go. So many of these so called rules have changed. Always evolving!!

All of these people saying black is not ok should perhaps check out wedding etiquette pages where they will tell you it's perfectly acceptable. I'm wearing black with cream accents to a wedding this Autumn which I posted about earlier in the thread. It is NOT an issue. I don't know why it would be.

OP, your girl is fine going as she wishes!

@Bikeybikeface, you're asking the wrong people! ASK THE BRIDE! Ask her! There's nothing worse on your wedding day than to look out and see people in outfits with off colors, so just ask her! She won't be mad. She won't be angry. She will be thankful that you were thoughtful enough to ask. I guarantee you that and that will solve all of the issues you might face. Don't be ashamed or afraid to ask her.

I wouldn’t mind at all, it’s being there that matters, not what you wear. Saying that I did wear a black dress at my own wedding - ex goth

A lot of brides are control freak nutters... they seem (and I may be wrong ) to be more interested in the wedding than the marriage.

I really really don't think it's appropriate to dictate what guests where to the wedding.

I think it's reasonable to hope that no one will turn up in a long Lacy white dress.
But other than that...

Everyone knows teens are a law unto themselves. The dress sounds lovely Op

There is nothing worse than guests wearing off colours?
Really? That is worse than being jilted atvthe altar? Or the food being shit? Or the toilets being broken?

Stop the world, i want to get off. This is madness.
I honestly did not give a shit what anyone wore to my wedding.

When she was 14 my Gothy niece turned up in black but the bride and groom were just pleased she was there. No-one even had an opinion except me. I think given her age it is fine.

Despite being told not to MIL wore black to our wedding. I was recently at a wedding where the brides 10 year old nephew wore a standard t-shirt and shorts. Honestly….life is too short. I don’t get on with MiL anyway and she wasn’t trying to outdo me. I haven’t really thought about it since.

Me too.

I thought a LBD (little black dress) was fine to wear to a wedding until I joined Mumsnet. I also wonder if men that wear a black suit to a wedding get the same criticism.

I personally couldn’t give it a shit about what colour another woman wears to my wedding (esspecially if it’s a teen) as long as it isn’t white.

Black is not appropriate for a wedding or on the tennis court. It’s not good even in London or another large city. Tell her she can’t attend unless in a more suitable color. You are the parent. She has to do as you say.

You’d be surprised about the wedding invitations (long before Instagram was a thing, first home I encountered it was in 2008) demanding that guests show up wearing a certain colour, I have seen pink (lots of men around me don’t wear this colour) and even red and white (2 colours that I rarely wear). I think anything more then asking guests to follow a certain dress code (eg tenue de ville, cocktail, black tie) is entitled and inappropriate.

My DD is wearing black as a bridesmaid. I know that's the bride's choice but wearing black for a wedding is acceptable.

I can't work out you're trying to be witty or you're serious. Either way it's made me laugh.

I often wear black to weddings as I struggle to find a dress. No one has ever said anything. I always accessorise brightly and include a shawl or something.

To be honest I don't think I would of even noticed at my wedding...

Is the bride family? I think as long as it's smart and wedding appropriate the colour isn't a massive deal (as long as it's not white 😅).

I was at a wedding not so long ago where a young guest had a VERY short dress on and ended up indirectly flashing everyone her bum when she walked - I'd say that was far more a faux pas than black!

Save yourself the argument with your daughter 😊 let her wear what she's chosen and have a wonderful time!

As it happens I once went to a wedding where the mother of the bride and the groom both wore black complete with black hats. Just in case anyone was unsure how they both felt about the marriage
I wouldn't bat an eye at a teenager in black at my wedding. As long as she's happy and it's an appropriate style for a wedding let her crack on.

I'm 46 and it wouldn't bother me. I'd hazard a guess that as the happy couple are in their early 20s, they'd be even less bothered.

It's fine.