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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my teen wear black to a wedding?

150 replies

Bikeybikeface · 21/09/2022 17:38

I often hear that black is a no no for weddings unless it’s background for a colourful pattern. Her style is a bit alt, bit gothy. She originally said she’d like a trouser suit and we looked but there’s not much selection for her age/size. So, we’ve found a skater style black dress with long sleeves which she hasn’t hissed at turned her nose up at. It’s a winter wedding so long sleeves will be ok and not out of place.

OP posts:
DeadButDelicious · 21/09/2022 19:58

Provided they didn't turn up in a wedding dress (unless they are the bride obvs) I really couldn't bring myself to be all that concerned about what someone chooses to wear to a wedding . My wedding guests were invited because they meant a lot to me and I wanted them there. Didn't give a shit about what they chose to wear to be honest, I just wanted them there.

If your DD likes the dress and feels comfortable in it then that's a win in my eyes and I must say as a former gothy teen (now gothy adult) that is no mean feat! Black is a smart colour, can be jazzed up or toned right down. What's not to like! Let her be comfortable.

Natsku · 21/09/2022 19:58

I hope its ok to wear black to a wedding because we've got to go to a wedding next year and my daughter only ever wants to wear black (not goth, just only likes plain black clothes). I know I wouldn't mind if it was my wedding but I figure I care a lot less than other people.

Celeryfavour · 21/09/2022 19:59

I was offended when someone wore black to my wedding and would never let my DC do it. I don't care if people think that's silly or old fashioned. This is the whole reason for etiquette - stick to the convention and you can't go wrong.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 21/09/2022 19:59

I wore black to the last wedding I went to Confused. I thought so long as it wasn't white it was fine.

I wasn't the only one so I guess it was ok?

SparklyAntlers · 21/09/2022 20:00

Is this a thing in the UK? I wore a black dress to a wedding in England a few years ago and it was commented upon but I just laughed it off, now I'm thinking was it actually a faux pas!

I'm in Ireland and I've worn black to weddings and had plenty of people in black at mine, it never crossed my mind this was a thing!

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/09/2022 20:01

Seashor · 21/09/2022 19:32

I think to wear black to a wedding is incredibly rude. I have a teen and there is absolutely no way I would allow this to happen.

Rude? Get a grip 🙄

bellac11 · 21/09/2022 20:03

Celeryfavour · 21/09/2022 19:59

I was offended when someone wore black to my wedding and would never let my DC do it. I don't care if people think that's silly or old fashioned. This is the whole reason for etiquette - stick to the convention and you can't go wrong.

What is the offence that is caused, what difference does it make, what harm does it cause. What is the etiquette about?

Misandre · 21/09/2022 20:05

I'm old fashioned enough to think it's still a no no at weddings.

However if you're doing it as a goth it's a bit different, more like a uniform or a man wearing a black suit. At 14 I would let it go.

Berlinlover · 21/09/2022 20:05

I’ve worn black to a wedding.

Mommabear20 · 21/09/2022 20:06

If it's in keeping with her usual style, I'd let her wear it.

malificent7 · 21/09/2022 20:06

Don't goths wear purple too?

pigsDOfly · 21/09/2022 20:06

luxxlisbon · 21/09/2022 19:54

I often hear that black is a no no for weddings unless it’s background for a colourful pattern

Maybe if you are asking a woman in her 70s and over!
Black is a chic colour and totally acceptable for a wedding.

I'm in my 70s and, as I said in my pp, I've worn black to a wedding.

Can't see the problem tbh.

Berlinlover · 21/09/2022 20:07

Celeryfavour · 21/09/2022 19:59

I was offended when someone wore black to my wedding and would never let my DC do it. I don't care if people think that's silly or old fashioned. This is the whole reason for etiquette - stick to the convention and you can't go wrong.

Offended? You should be glad they made the effort to attend your wedding.

Survey99 · 21/09/2022 20:13

As long as she doesn't wear black normally to hide into the background and she knows she will stick out like a sore thumb at a wedding, especially if she goes full blown black tights/shoes etc.

She will probably draw looks, potentially the odd funeral joke, as she will look like she has shown up for the wrong event. If the B&G are ok with it, and she is ok with that then i am a great believer in letting them make their own informed decisions.

DelphiniumBlue · 21/09/2022 20:13

I'd say at 14 she can make her own clothing choices. You can explain that some people might frown at her wearing black, but if she thinks the the bride won't mind then go ahead. If she has to put up with a few people looking askance at her then so be it ( they won't, no one will care so long as she is flashing anything inappropriate).

VestaTilley · 21/09/2022 20:15

I’d be a bit unimpressed. Black is for funerals. And I don’t believe in sulky teenagers having their every whim catered to.

Ask the bride and groom if they mind first.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 21/09/2022 20:16

Survey99 · 21/09/2022 20:13

As long as she doesn't wear black normally to hide into the background and she knows she will stick out like a sore thumb at a wedding, especially if she goes full blown black tights/shoes etc.

She will probably draw looks, potentially the odd funeral joke, as she will look like she has shown up for the wrong event. If the B&G are ok with it, and she is ok with that then i am a great believer in letting them make their own informed decisions.

stick out like a sore thumb and look like she's shown up for the wrong event?

Have you been to a wedding at all in the last 20 years? Black is commonly worn these days.

pattyf80 · 21/09/2022 20:18

IMO, it should be fine. My DD also wore it to my sister's wedding.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 21/09/2022 20:22

Men wear black to weddings literally all the time, unless we’re going to start insisting men stop wearing black why can’t women wear black? God forbid a teenage girl be comfortable all day. I genuinely don’t understand the “not at my wedding” attitude, don’t you want your guests to be comfortable and happy in what they’re wearing? If that’s black, white or sky blue pink with yellow polka dots then does it matter?

Snugglemonkey · 21/09/2022 20:27

I would not have an issue at all if it was my wedding, but maybe check with the couple if you want to be 100% sure. I have seen plenty of people wearing black to weddings.

stemthetide · 21/09/2022 20:30

I was at a wedding recently where a couple of teenage girls wore black dresses. They looked lovely.

A wedding some years ago had the bridesmaids in short black dresses with coloured shoes and wrap. They also looked lovely.

I'm over seventy and hadn't heard of these rules you read on here.

bellac11 · 21/09/2022 20:31

I might draw the line at dressing like the grim reaper,, accompanied with scythe.

Snugglemonkey · 21/09/2022 20:32

Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 21/09/2022 19:43

It is also quite possible that I come from a different cultural background from those of you maintaining black is a fine colour to be worn at a wedding. As I have said, for me, personally, black is the colour for funerals, not celebrations, which is what I think weddings are.

In my culture, funerals are a celebration of the deceased person's life.

user12633743 · 21/09/2022 20:41

A very small bit of purple, red or electric blue might be acceptable to a goth as long as they aren't forced to look happy at the same time.

FatMog · 21/09/2022 20:41

My teenager wore a dark green velvet swing dress to her uncle's wedding, furnished with DMs, black tights and black choker necklace. She wore bright red lipstick. Her uncle & new aunt weren't fazed in the slightest.