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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

V concerned about elderly neighbour

242 replies

NoFrills01 · 21/09/2022 16:59

We have a new neighbour, she is 91 and just got here from America, no family or friends, and she is renting the three story property which is over £1000+ a month.

We live in a rural area, there are buses, but still its a long walk to get around to anywhere, she obviously has no car.

She has no internet to set up a food delivery (what she wants to do) no phone, no bank account, and is struggling to work the gas cooker ect as she is from the states and things are a little different within the home.

I have a background in care, I find it a very odd situation. She seems frail, and she seems like she has early dementia to me.

I feel she is very vulnerable, I've offered to help all I can when I'm not working but she declines.

The house is the same as ours, and the stairs are steep. I'm worried we are the only ones who basically are checking in and would notice anything.

I'm not sure what to do. I think I need to gently ask a little more information, I'm worried about her health and welfare, and I'm not sure how she will keep up with bills or even pay them? It all seems so strange. She wasn't aware the bills are going up here, and she doesn't know how to work the heating and is currently just living off the microwave.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoFrills01 · 25/09/2022 15:45

Hi all,

So from my messaging the landlord that triggered the landlord to get in touch with a "contact" who came to set up Internet heating ect, the neighbour has a food shop coming now.

For those asking, I literally didn't even realise I had a new neighbour initially right next door to us. The house was up for sale, we went away, it then went to rental but we never saw or heard anyone move in.

When I went round on Friday she knew I had contacted the landlord and said "your in trouble but come in" so I did! She laughed it off and was in good spirits but said she was glad I cared, we spoke for about an hour or so and she said she couldn't register at the doctors as she isnt eligible? She also said she doesn't have the landlords number......

I spoke to her about the local church groups, age concern and meals on wheels so will get some information for her. She said she was interested but did say "I'm a loner, I shut myself off but I must try"

I will get my partner to go round and introduce himself next week as they haven't met yet, and see what he thinks. He is from overseas and knows the area she is from also so she might open up a little more about her story.

OP posts:
loislovesstewie · 25/09/2022 16:05

She might not be habitually resident for some services. Or might have a visa that says no recourse to public funds. It's a complicated area so someone who understands this area really ought to look into it.

countrygirl99 · 25/09/2022 17:30

IrisVersicolor · 23/09/2022 14:11

That’s why people live in cities. To me access to good healthcare is key particularly for elderly people.

Careful, your smugness showing.

Devilishpyjamas · 25/09/2022 19:55

Gosh she needs to be able to access a GP doesn’t she? I’m glad she has you keeping an eye OP

SparkyBlue · 25/09/2022 20:17

She is very lucky to have you next door. It's an odd one alright but id be thinking that she is someone who emigrated to the US a long time ago so possibly still a British citizen so no issues with getting back into the country but she might not fulfill habitual residency criteria. Sometimes people have the notion that they want to go "home" as they get older and it often doesn't work out. I have known of cases where people come back here to Ireland after being in England since their late teens but they had wanted to eventually go back home and they come here and leave all their support network behind.

Juke1 · 25/09/2022 20:36

Everyone who is legally in the UK can have free Primary Care, so she can register with a GP. Secondary care is different and she may need to pay for that.

NumberTheory · 26/09/2022 02:42

Juke1 · 25/09/2022 20:36

Everyone who is legally in the UK can have free Primary Care, so she can register with a GP. Secondary care is different and she may need to pay for that.

Pretty sure that’s only if she’s legally resident. You can be in the UK legally as a standard visitor for 6 months (sometimes more) but would not be entitled to free primary or secondary care or to register with an NHS GP. And if this is the “granny dumping” (surely there’s a better phrase than that?) feared up thread, she isn’t here legally, even if she entered as a standard visitor and thinks everything is above board.

IrisVersicolor · 26/09/2022 08:51

countrygirl99 · 25/09/2022 17:30

Careful, your smugness showing.

Show quote history

It’s a choice open to anyone.

IrisVersicolor · 26/09/2022 08:52

NumberTheory · 26/09/2022 02:42

Pretty sure that’s only if she’s legally resident. You can be in the UK legally as a standard visitor for 6 months (sometimes more) but would not be entitled to free primary or secondary care or to register with an NHS GP. And if this is the “granny dumping” (surely there’s a better phrase than that?) feared up thread, she isn’t here legally, even if she entered as a standard visitor and thinks everything is above board.

Show quote history

Yes. Afaik she can’t register with a GP if she’s not a resident or a citizen.

So I think someone will have to find out her immigration status before she can access servicess.

SafferUpNorth · 26/09/2022 09:59

@NoFrills01 Thanks for your update.
Was that 'contact' someone known to the elderly lady? Or a contact of the landlord?

Good idea to get your DH to pop in, introduce himself and also try and discover more of her story, and what provision there is for her welfare. Maybe by coming from the "fellow foreigner" angle.

Maybe a good idea if one of you discussed the need for emergency contact details with her. Maybe say something in a fairly lighthearted way: "So Violet, what would you like us to do if one day we find you very unwell or having had a fall? Can you give us an emergency contact number of a family member or friend for us to keep, just in case?"

Original poster
NoFrills01 · 26/09/2022 18:31

@SafferUpNorth hi, I'm entirely sure who the contact was, there wasn't much said at all. I'm sure when my partner goes round we might piece more together!

Yes I've thought that, and maybe a call pendant also, we work thats the issue, everyone does on our road, so should we not be home knowone would know if anything was wrong

OP posts:
BornBlonde · 26/09/2022 19:51

You sound so lovely OP

Abitofalark · 27/09/2022 00:37

I apologise if I've missed something but I'm puzzled...You messaged both landlords - how so and how do you know who the landlord is / landlords even - multiple landlords? - and then went on to say the lady said she doesn't have the landlord's number - how come she doesn't have it but you do, if she's the tenant?

This is not at all clear. For a letting, legally the landlord must provide the tenant with his address, so if she's a tenant, she should have that at least. If there is something shady going on with this renting or tenancy, report to the local authority housing department which is the authority responsible for enforcing housing law and standards on landlords. If a letting agency was involved in a vulnerable lady in extreme old age being left in an isolated property without ordinary everyday facilities or means to contact the landlord that's another aspect and cause for concern.

As you don't know what or who you are dealing with, take care. Do you know if other neighbours have concerns or know anything or have seen anyone or anything around the property while you've been away or out? Could be useful if so and it doesn't have to be just you reporting as an individual concerned neighbour.

countrygirl99 · 27/09/2022 06:16

IrisVersicolor · 26/09/2022 08:51

It’s a choice open to anyone.

Show quote history

You really are a deeply unpleasant person aren't you. You should be thankful that every elderly person doesn't get despatched to your utopia or you would find service diminished somewhat by dementia sufferers uprooted from their familiar environment which inevitably causes a massive downturn in condition. Personally I think services should be equally available across the country and if that makes me a raving lefties, so he it.

Your attitude certainly doesn't help the kind OP who is concerned about a total stranger.

LadyEloise1 · 08/10/2022 15:37

@NoFrills01 are things with your neighbour ?
Did you get to the bottom of the mystery ?

IrisVersicolor · 08/10/2022 16:36

countrygirl99 · 27/09/2022 06:16

You really are a deeply unpleasant person aren't you. You should be thankful that every elderly person doesn't get despatched to your utopia or you would find service diminished somewhat by dementia sufferers uprooted from their familiar environment which inevitably causes a massive downturn in condition. Personally I think services should be equally available across the country and if that makes me a raving lefties, so he it.

Your attitude certainly doesn't help the kind OP who is concerned about a total stranger.

Show quote history

I’m a deeply unpleasant person for saying some people choose to live in cities to be close to good medical care? Ok 🤔

Never heard of London as a Utopia, many people dislike it, but hey ho.

countrygirl99 · 08/10/2022 17:39

You very smugly said living in London is a choice anyone can make. It isn't and you would know that if you had any emotional intelligence. And the regions would be stuffed if all the teachers/nurses/ supermarket workers/ nursery etc did, so not even in societies interest.

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