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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

V concerned about elderly neighbour

242 replies

NoFrills01 · 21/09/2022 16:59

We have a new neighbour, she is 91 and just got here from America, no family or friends, and she is renting the three story property which is over £1000+ a month.

We live in a rural area, there are buses, but still its a long walk to get around to anywhere, she obviously has no car.

She has no internet to set up a food delivery (what she wants to do) no phone, no bank account, and is struggling to work the gas cooker ect as she is from the states and things are a little different within the home.

I have a background in care, I find it a very odd situation. She seems frail, and she seems like she has early dementia to me.

I feel she is very vulnerable, I've offered to help all I can when I'm not working but she declines.

The house is the same as ours, and the stairs are steep. I'm worried we are the only ones who basically are checking in and would notice anything.

I'm not sure what to do. I think I need to gently ask a little more information, I'm worried about her health and welfare, and I'm not sure how she will keep up with bills or even pay them? It all seems so strange. She wasn't aware the bills are going up here, and she doesn't know how to work the heating and is currently just living off the microwave.

OP posts:
watcherintherye · 21/09/2022 17:01

How did she manage to get here? Sounds like she would have needed some help to organise it all?

AluckyEllie · 21/09/2022 17:03

That’s very odd. How did she organise to move over here as it seems little tasks are beyond her? It’s not some awful case of dump a granny is it, thinking social care/nhs will take care of her in old age. Does she have any family? She needs to register with a gp really. Does she have a visa or she must have a British passport?

YouSirNeighMmmm · 21/09/2022 17:07

Can you ask her why she moved here and whether she has family or friends nearby?

Beyond that I'm not sure what you can do other than keep a bit of an eye out for her and approach the council to see if they are able to assess her needs.

I am all for you being a good neighbour, but please don't feel obliged to take the place of the family we hope she has and the paid support she probably needs.

TheDutchHouse · 21/09/2022 17:13

If she does have dementia are you sure she actually has come from the US ?
It's very kind of you to care by the way.

Beseen22 · 21/09/2022 17:27

Refer to social Work she sounds very vulnerable. If you wanted to help but not be too involved could you order a Wiltshire farm foods catalogue for her? She can order her meals over the phone from them and heat them in the micro. She must have some sort of bank card maybe from the US?

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 21/09/2022 17:37

I'd report to adult social care. Is she British or on a visa?

BreatheAndFocus · 21/09/2022 17:50

Yes, you definitely need to get more information from her. Maybe invite her round for a coffee and chat about her family, her life in the US, etc, and what made her choose to come to the U.K.

How did she rent the house? Does she have a visa? Why is she in the U.K. if she knows nobody here? Has she transferred a US pension? If not, how will she live here?

Why is she declining your help? When a relative came here to study years ago (from the US) I had to go with them to vouch for them when they set up a bank account. Why hasn’t she sorted out the internet if she needs it? Does she know how to do that? What company will she use?

A bit of chat and a few helpful questions will be useful for you to better assess the situation. Do be careful she doesn’t think you’re after her inheritance though!

ScarlettnotOHara · 21/09/2022 17:53

I work in care of the elderly , if you’re that concerned you can put a safeguarding request into social services .

ApolloandDaphne · 21/09/2022 17:55

Do you know what she is here?

2bazookas · 21/09/2022 18:25

No car, phone or bank account makes me wonder how a new arrival from USA got from the airport to the rural rented house miles from services ( let alone, arranged a let and pay the rent. ) Be very careful; I smell a rat.

Letting agents/landlords in UK are required by law to obtain ID information about foreign tenants, to be sure they have the right to be in UK and are legit. In your shoes, I'd be contacting the letting agency/owner

www.gov.uk/government/publications/landlords-guide-to-right-to-rent-checks

MrJi · 21/09/2022 18:33

Perhaps she has actually been in the UK for some time but is confused ?
It does sound worrying. However someone must have helped her find the house, surely ? How long has she been there OP ?

Rinoachicken · 21/09/2022 18:36

This is all very bizarre

weddingDecliner · 21/09/2022 18:37

granny dumping in the uk is a thing
inews.co.uk/news/health/granny-dumping-elderly-people-dementia-roger-curry-286808

AdoraBell · 21/09/2022 18:37

Could you pop round for a coffee/tea and chat? Get some information without asking directly.

Original poster
NoFrills01 · 21/09/2022 19:33

Hi all, thanks for the response.

She said she is here on a green card, she mentioned she has 1 son who is in the US, and said she has no other family here, 2 friends (also in 90's and said 1 has dementia....) but they are not local....husband passed away

She just said to me this evening, she has only come with a few bags of items, and was very guarded when I asked where she was when she landed.

I offered to help her get her things as she said she needed to get some of her items which are else where, but she said she was ok.

I'm wondering if her son is paying the rent? She said she has an American bank account, but cannot sort out a British account (we also don't live anywhere near a bank!)

Its all very strange, it could all be very innocent and sad, but I find it very off.

I told her what I do for a living, my partner is also from over seas (different country to US) and he has a very responsible job so I'm hoping she will trust us in time, that we just want to help.

I would hate for something to happen, if she had a fall literally knowone could know for days!

OP posts:
NewBootsAndRanty · 21/09/2022 19:36

There is no green card system here..

MyfavouriteisA · 21/09/2022 19:36

weddingDecliner has hit the spot

PetalLeaves · 21/09/2022 19:37

Contact adult social services.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 21/09/2022 19:39

Please put in a safeguarding referral. The number will be on your council website. She seems to be talking nonsense.

mamabear715 · 21/09/2022 19:41

I'd have been thinking spy a few years back!

BMW6 · 21/09/2022 19:41

Sadly it does very much sound like Granny dumping, although I am surprised that she's been put in such a large property.

Hope you can find out more and get her the help she needs and back to her relatives in USA if they have indeed dumped her over here.

Hugasauras · 21/09/2022 19:42

weddingDecliner · 21/09/2022 18:37

Bloody hell!! I wonder if that's what's happened here then. Awful!

SurpriseSurprise · 21/09/2022 19:44

Definitely contact Social Services

KingCharlespen · 21/09/2022 19:44

Put in a safeguarding referral and also maintain contact with her. I'd be concerned about whether she has access to gp services etc.

user12633743 · 21/09/2022 19:51

weddingDecliner · 21/09/2022 18:37

That's terrible! I think you should contact social services.

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