V concerned about elderly neighbour

[NoFrills01]

We have a new neighbour, she is 91 and just got here from America, no family or friends, and she is renting the three story property which is over £1000+ a month.

We live in a rural area, there are buses, but still its a long walk to get around to anywhere, she obviously has no car.

She has no internet to set up a food delivery (what she wants to do) no phone, no bank account, and is struggling to work the gas cooker ect as she is from the states and things are a little different within the home.

I have a background in care, I find it a very odd situation. She seems frail, and she seems like she has early dementia to me.

I feel she is very vulnerable, I've offered to help all I can when I'm not working but she declines.

The house is the same as ours, and the stairs are steep. I'm worried we are the only ones who basically are checking in and would notice anything.

I'm not sure what to do. I think I need to gently ask a little more information, I'm worried about her health and welfare, and I'm not sure how she will keep up with bills or even pay them? It all seems so strange. She wasn't aware the bills are going up here, and she doesn't know how to work the heating and is currently just living off the microwave.

Blimey, that's just a horrible read. WTF?

I know this will sound cruel but the lady is 91 maybe she just wants to piece in her final years which is why she doesn’t want to be disturbed.

I don’t really like the idea of you calling social services this could just agitate her even more. Sometimes some people just enjoy being alone. There’s a reason she moved to the UK from the USA and I’m sure she already been through previous checks before getting into this country. If anything was a problem wouldn’t it have been flagged up before.

From the ops posts this is really bad advice.

And that was before I read the article on granny dumping!!

My god, that article! The bit that got me was the Japanese formulating a
“senior citizen postbox” to relocate elderly folks being dumped to a home.

She probably moved to the us at a young age, got the Green card she is referring to from the US system, never became a citizen, and now family members think she is better off in the UK- perhaps protecting an asset in the US which will quickly be depleted with a hospital admission. Terrible but probably legal and they have taken the tenancy out and are paying her rent for her- nice of you to keep an eye. Some ex pats do return to the UK if they have bad health insurance in later life or don't like the coverage MediCal offers and it sounds like relatives may have organized this move for this lady.

so plenty of people in America with American accents who hold green cards but are not actually citizens so very possible she is British with an American accent basically. Many people just never both to do citizenship and prefer to carry on renewing the green card every ten years, even if they moved here as very young children.

My experience in life is that gut instinct is rarely wrong, if you think something isn’t right, OP, then definitely follow it up - how is another question, but if you’re lovely enough to care this much then you’re going to feel awful if something does go wrong.

@LetMeSpeak

wtf …she’s clearly vulnerable and you want the OP to leave her alone?

Have you contacted the landlord? They must have some information about how the tenancy came about.

If if is a case of granny dumping, why rent a 3-storey house for a woman that age? Surely a bungalow would be more appropariate. Very strange

Maybe she’s in witness protection?

Personally I think it’s a very bad idea to contact the landlord, I’m just thinking out loud, but worse case scenario the landlord could have involvement and alerting them could have negative consequences for the elderly neighbour (moved on somewhere else)
Again I’m just thinking worst case scenario and it all could be very innocent, but still probably best to let official avenues investigate.

People can eat fine with just a microwave, most healthy food can be cooked in it even if it doesn't say so on the packet. Things might be soggy or not taste as good as other cooking methods but will be edible.

If she's not interested in help, give her the phone number of an electrician/gas engineer who can help her operate the heating, the address of the nearest computer shop and phone number for a taxi firm, the phone number for a broadband provider. Tell her you got all these from Yellow Pages and it's not a personal recommendation. Explain what YP is and how to contact them. Tell her where the nearest GP surgery is and that she'll need to register with them, even if she's primarily planning to use private health care. Once she has internet she can get an online bank account and a food delivery set up. Then leave her to it and just be her friend, not her carer. Maybe she's sick and wants to die on her terms not filled with tubes in a noisy hospital. Maybe she's a lottery winner millionaire so the bills won't bother her. Maybe her dead husband was a city type and this is her first chance of realising her dream to live in the country. Maybe she'll get pissed off with it after 2 months of British winter and move somewhere else. You know nothing about her, just let her be instead of assuming there's a problem.

Yellow Pages only exists online now..!

I think you should try and contact the real estate agent. She may be cagey because she is fleeing abuse or perhaps she has MH condition. She may also be squatting. Who knows?

‘Just let her be’ is terrible advice for someone in her 90s, who is confused, has no access to food, money or transport & cannot operate cooking facilities.

OP I would ask her whether she has a phone number for a relative & if so call them to find out more. If not I would give safeguarding a call.

And I know she has food now, but with no access to bank account or internet she will run out pretty quickly.

If she is just living off the microwave, once finances are sorted, it would be worth looking at some of the prepared food delivery services such as cook or mindful chef (not the recipe box, they also do frozen food). Bizarrely the delivery service meals are often really spicy - not all - but I buy them for my learning disabled son as it Is often hard for his team to cook (he won’t jet them) and they are healthier than a lot of alternatives for when I cannot batch cook.

BTW, to access some services, the person needs to be habitually resident. The concept is very complicated, and there are some local/central government services that aren't available if it's decided that the person has not re-established themselves in the UK. If she has been dumped here in order to access services, it could all go belly up. I think you do need to contact adult social care, as if she really has come from the US, she could find herself in a destitute situation very quickly, particularly if relatives are hoping that she will be able to claim a pension etc.

OP I would contact your local safeguarding team (number will be online, put in your local authority followed by safeguarding). Allow them to make the decisions!

There may well be a genuine explanation, however ‘granny/grandad dumping’ has become well known. Let them do an assessment and work out the circumstances.

It sounds like the best thing you could do for her is just be a friend, which you're doing. Human contact and someone to ask is incredibly valuable. Don't feel you have to fix everything and certainlynot all at once. I would definitely take round something that is a nutritious snack disguised as a 'just dropping in' gift though - cheese scones or something.

People with dementia sometimes create a narrative to explain the environment they find themselves in - the classic one is being in a care home and thinking you're in a hotel or airport. It could be something like that.

Just press the down arrow in the top right corner of the pop up.

I think your gut feeling that something is off here is probably spot on.

i think your suggestion about age concern is a good one, and they are likely to be able to support with services etc.

When you’re over looking at the heating is it worth seeing if it’s possible to access your WiFi from her house? If so giving her the password would be a way to get her online without the stress of trying to sort bank accounts etc. With a bit of luck an online food order might work with an American card.........

or as a pp suggested farm foods by phone with the American card might work too.

i suspect that as you help with bits like that you’ll get more of a sense of if the American story is true or if it’s a dementia symptom- eg if you’re helping with food ordering you’re likely to see whether her bank card if Uk or us.

Contact social services. I have always found social services very helpful. I contacted them about a (now former) elderly neighbour. She’s not your responsibility and, personally, I would feel incredibly responsible if anything happened and the “authorities” weren’t aware. It all sounds odd, her story could be false. My neighbour had dementia but could hold a conversation for a few minutes so it was overlooked in the first instance.

😀

Please update what happens.
I am overly invested, here