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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my daughters

110 replies

Foreveranxious22 · 21/09/2022 11:00

Hi! I have 2DD (5yo and 5months) and my partner and I have been wanting to go for a weekend trip to London. We went in the summer last year but I was very early pregnant and super tired and sick so we planned to return.
My partner and I have been talking about it in a casual way to go in November. We both have birthdays in nov and would love to do some Christmas markets and do some shopping. It’s now getting to the time to start to book trains and hotels but I’m worried about leaving DD2 in particular.
Both girls would stay with my partners parents and I know DD1 would be completely fine it’s just the baby I’m worried about. I’d love to know peoples opinions and WWYD? She would be 7 and a half months when we are planning to go, she sleeps through the night well but is very clingy with me. We see their grandparents regularly - at least once a week. I don’t know I guess I feel guilty for wanting to go away as she is so young and I don’t think DD1 slept out until she about 2. Opinions are welcome, I just want to know what others would do/have done.
Thank you x

OP posts:
SalviaOfficinalis · 21/09/2022 11:05

I left my DS overnight with my parents for the first time when he was 4 months.

Don’t feel guilty, it’s fine to want some time away.

PeaceLily2000 · 21/09/2022 11:13

I can help I'm afraid as still haven't left my 8 month old overnight. I'd like the option to but like you I am worried about how she'll be.
She is VERY clingy right now and cries for me when I'm in the same room, looking directly at her.
I also worry that someone else won't check on her though the night like I do.
I don't know, I think you need to feel comfortable else you'll end up not having a good time in London.
Maybe you can talk through some of your worries with your parents parents so they can reassure you? xx

ancientgran · 21/09/2022 11:16

I've had GC for weekends when they were younger than that, one is a very happy, well adjusted 15 year old, you really couldn't find a nice boy if you tried so I don't think it's done him any harm.

I never left mine overnight at that age but that was how I felt, I think it is more about you and me than about the babies. Looking back now I think a relaxed, refreshed mum would have probably done us all good. Happy mum happy baby.

So if you want to go and don't think you will be unhappy and stressed all the time then go and I hope you have a great time.

KosherDill · 21/09/2022 11:18

We were left with grandparents all the time as infants / toddlers. It was fine.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/09/2022 11:20

If you can let the Mum guilt go and enjoy it, do it. If you're going to be crying all weekend, hold off for a few months.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 21/09/2022 11:20

Assuming you are not BFing then j would crack on. Better for her to get used to it now than when peak separation anxiety kicks on.
You might want to do a few trial hours though

willithappen · 21/09/2022 11:21

My 8 month dd regularly stays with my mum but this is because she lives one street away and regularly sees her. If I didn't have her in that sense I'd be less likely to leave dd with someone. It depends how comfortable they are with them

Dancingintherain19 · 21/09/2022 11:30

Definitely would go and have a good time. I left mine even before this and they were fine.

wingingit33 · 21/09/2022 11:30

I'm with you OP. Hoping to have a weekend away end of November when ds will be 9 months. I've only left him three hours max and for just a handful of times. We're hoping to do a European city break and flying so really need to book soon. The baby and my other two kids would all stay with my parents who I trust implicitly, I'm just with him 24/7 so will find it really hard. That said I'm back to work on January and want to be able to have two nights with my husband.

Warmhandscoldheart · 21/09/2022 11:39

Go and enjoy yourselves, they'll be fine.
I had my 4mo twin DGC for a long weekend while my DS and his DP went house hunting when they were moving for new jobs.

OfMark87 · 21/09/2022 11:41

I've left both my kids around 8 weeks for weddings. They were both fine x

Georgeskitchen · 21/09/2022 11:48

They'll be fine some good grandparent bonding time have fun!!

Chdjdn · 21/09/2022 11:49

They’ll be fine; I waited a while with my first but less time with my second and it did me and DH so much good

TinaYouFatLard · 21/09/2022 11:51

I thought you meant permanently leave them.

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 21/09/2022 11:53

DH and I went to the USA for a week and left DS 6months with my Dsis. He was fine.

Your kids will be fine.

Go and have fun.

Floomobal · 21/09/2022 11:59

I’d leave my 8 month old if I went out for dinner, but not overnight. Certainly not for a weekend away.

Everyone has to do what they’re comfortable with

Lurkingandlearning · 21/09/2022 12:03

Can you do a trial run before you book? When you are close by and can go and get her if she won’t settle

MedievalNun · 21/09/2022 12:04

If you're worried, try a break with GPs overnight in the next two weeks (if you can) and see how they (&you) react. If you all cope, go ahead and book. If you still feel worried then maybe wait, or if you are close enough to London, do a single night with the earliest train in and latest back to maximise your time.

We didn't leave DD until she was around 9 months but that was more me and PND than anything else.

God luck & hope you get to London.

Mariposista · 21/09/2022 12:06

Go and enjoy it. It will be good for both you and the baby to have some time apart.

Summerishere123 · 21/09/2022 12:11

They will be fine! Why don't you give it a try in the next couple of weeks? Just have a date night so you can be on hand if it doesn't go to plan but if it does, plan your trip!

Bunnycat101 · 21/09/2022 12:14

It’s very personal. The biggest factor really is whether you will enjoy it or if you’d worry and get anxious. I’d try a practice run for a night out if possible first. It would have been a bit little for me personally but loads of people have breaks and the baby will be fine and well- cared for.

notalwaysalondoner · 21/09/2022 12:19

One thing to bear in mind is almost always, once you have left, they are totally fine. Especially if they know the caregiver well. My son is older (13 mo) but is very clingy currently and cries when I'm in the same room, wants to be held a lot etc., cries if I say goodbye, but if I stand by the door after I leave he stops within 30 seconds (maybe a little longer at nursery where he has just started and knows he's going to be there the whole day). I only left him once for a whole day, at 7mo, and he was totally fine - it was with my DM who he also saw at least once a week. I left before he woke up and got back after he was in bed.

As a parent, there's always something to feel guilty about, it's important to look after yourself and your own mental health, being left for a couple of days with well-known, loved caregivers will not damage your 5mo.

Also, awesome your 5mo already sleeps through - enjoy! I couldn't really leave mine overnight as he only started sleeping through at 12mo and didn't think it was fair on our fairly elderly parents.

pinok · 21/09/2022 12:19

I guess it’s personal but personally I’d go and enjoy the break

SVRT19674 · 21/09/2022 12:19

As someone said, you have to do what you a comfortable with. The first time I slept away from my daughter was the night I spent away from my daughter was for an op I had last December and she was 3.5 years old. She is four now, and I would leave her overnight now but not months old, and definitely not for weekends.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 21/09/2022 12:20

I’ve never left my 16-month-old overnight but as he doesn’t sleep through the night no one’s offered! If I knew he’d sleep and be ok I’d leave him with grandparents, although not sure I would’ve done at 8 months (but breastfeeding, clingy, multiple night wakings, screamed at anyone who wasn’t me). They’re all different, if you think she’ll be ok I’d go for it.

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