To leave my daughters

[Foreveranxious22]

Hi! I have 2DD (5yo and 5months) and my partner and I have been wanting to go for a weekend trip to London. We went in the summer last year but I was very early pregnant and super tired and sick so we planned to return.
My partner and I have been talking about it in a casual way to go in November. We both have birthdays in nov and would love to do some Christmas markets and do some shopping. It’s now getting to the time to start to book trains and hotels but I’m worried about leaving DD2 in particular.
Both girls would stay with my partners parents and I know DD1 would be completely fine it’s just the baby I’m worried about. I’d love to know peoples opinions and WWYD? She would be 7 and a half months when we are planning to go, she sleeps through the night well but is very clingy with me. We see their grandparents regularly - at least once a week. I don’t know I guess I feel guilty for wanting to go away as she is so young and I don’t think DD1 slept out until she about 2. Opinions are welcome, I just want to know what others would do/have done.
Thank you x

Go and enjoy your weekend. Your kids will be fine. Clingy babies don't get less clingy if you don't spend some time apart. She will survive and you will get some much needed adult time.

we left my 5month DS with his nana whilst we went to London for a night and he was fine. Slept far better than he does for me and was happy throughout the day (at least from what nana told me!). My DS is usually very clingy but it was fine. Go and enjoy yourself for a night.

@LuckySantangelo35

She probably doesn't but I naturally wake up to check her - I guess my worry is that other people will sleep more heavily and not think to check on her - I know it's 100% my anxiety but it is something I worry about.

Do it, you'll be very upset at how well it goes!

Your baby will be absolutely fine.
I've been looking after my grandson one day a week since he was 2_weeks old and he's been staying over one night since he was 7 months.
He's now 11 months old and have a lovely bond.

I've had my grandson to stay for weekends since he was a Baby. He's now 5 and is always telling me he loves me

Hi everyone! Thank you all so much for your replies!
to answer a couple of Qs. No, not a question whether to leave my girls indefinitely, just a couple of days 😂.
We don’t have to book now, could probably do a last minute deal but would want to prepare as much as possible if we do decide to go.
I don’t breast feed.
The girls would stay with DP parents who live 5 mins up the road, who we are very close too.
My DD2 definitely doesn’t sleep through every night, she had a two week stretch last month where she was waking hourly. The good old 4 month sleep regression. However she’s generally pretty good.
Doing a trial over night isn’t a bad idea. Might suggest this first, see what happens and then decide.
As for those who suggested to take the trip next year, we are considering it now just as I’m off work on maternity and will be returning in feb time. I work term time and we know from trips away going when the children are off makes everything so much busier and my partner is self employed so can take time off whenever.

I do agree with what everyone is saying, a lot of the comments being made are valid points that I had thought about myself but felt conflicted on, hence the thread. I’m still non the wiser about what we’ll do. I’ve showed my DP the thread too, guess we’ll just discuss it tonight.

The biggest reason for being for the trip is I want to protect my mental health as much as possible. It wasn’t great with DD1 but has been pretty good this time around. I saw my MH improving when I relaxed a bit more with DD1 and let others look after her and took time for me. I was just wondering how soon is too soon.

Thanks so much everyone!

Personally I would try it before booking anything - a trial run when you are close by to see how it goes for everyone.

If that goes well book the trip. If it doesnt put it on hold then try again

I would genuinely prefer a trip with the three of us, for our baby to see Christmas lights etc, than a weekend of drinking and shopping as an adult only trip.

We don’t have more fun when we exclude 1/3 of our family from an every or experience.

Everyone is different

*event or experience

If they're GP are happy to have them then go. Could they look after the children in your home then it will be DD2 own home? If she's clingy the younger you leave her with someone the better. My daughter used to be really clingy with me I got family to have her overnight. I didn't want her being clingy and unhappy when she started nursery. She settled in straight away and loved it.

I left DS for a week when he was 6 months when I went on honeymoon. Looking back it was too long but his grandparents fussed over him all week and he came home unscathed so all’s well that ends well.

We left my son with his grandma when he was 8 months for two nights to go to a wedding near London. He was totally fine. He saw her regularly anyway and we did plenty of practice runs of them having one on one time, including a sleepover a couple of weeks before whilst we were nearby. If you're comfortable with them and you think you'll be able to relax and enjoy your trip then I'd go for it!

Although she cried for a while when we left she was really good.

See for me, that’s would be horrific. I couldn’t do something to my baby that makes them cry. I also don’t see it as being “good” that a baby stops crying when they realise their mum isn’t coming when they cry. It’s heartbreaking.

Everyone has their opinions and boundaries, and you do what you’re comfortable with. I don’t really see the point of asking here. People that have done it aren’t going to say they feel their babies suffered in hindsight.

Personally I wouldn't have left mine when they were five months old overnight without a very good reason, but it's a personal decision, no absolute right or wrong.

My baby cries when I have to stop him playing to change his nappy, when I try to put him in his high chair, when I tell him not to touch the radiator...If I didn't do things that made him cry he'd probably be crying for other reasons!

Also "I also don’t see it as being “good” that a baby stops crying when they realise their mum isn’t coming when they cry"? No-one's talking about leaving the baby in a skip, or even talking about leaving them with a babysitter they don't know. They'll be staying with family members who love them and who they see regularly and know well. Fair enough if you aren't personally comfortable with it, but bit much to insinuate that people are heartless monsters for making a different choice.

When my kids were very small I had an unexpected stay in hospital. I was very glad that they already had the experience of staying over night with their grandparents. They loved their stays with Nanny and Grandad.

@Derbee

exactly!

babies cry 🤷‍♀️

if going away for an adult only weekend is important for OP’s mental health she should do it. Op is every bit as important as the baby

I didn’t leave DD1 with DGP until she was over 2yo - but I was happy to leave DS much earlier as he was very happy as long as his big sister was still in his line of sight! So my experience is that with a second child it can be easier as they still have a big degree of familiarity, in their sibling.
Obviously depends on the child etc but just that different perspective relating to second child being left with DGP along with their sibling - rather than first child going there alone made a big difference for us
maybe worth thinking about if that is relevant to you -also same age gap with my two as yours

The language you use if very emotional and quite guilt-inducing.

I had to spend 3 nights in hospital when I had an asthma attack when DS was 2 months old. Mummy wasn't coming if he cried!

I also did overnight trips with DH before he was one.

Me and DS have a lovely relationship and have a loving bond. Nothing was broken!

Go OP, if you want to. You know your children and the grandparents best

@queenatom I haven’t insinuated anything of the sort. I’ve said more times than I care to repeat, EVERYONE SHOULD DO WHAT THEY FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH.

A baby that cries for its mum, and gets no response, WILL stop crying. Not because theyre fine and happy, but because they’ve seen that crying makes no difference and it’s an evolutionary response to then be quiet when they feel particularly vulnerable.

If you’re fine with that, you’re fine with that. I’m not. So you might leave your baby and I might not. There’s seriously no point in arguing about it with me - we aren’t going to agree, as we see it differently.

What the OP chooses to do, is up to her. Not you, and not me.

I don’t know where or when that was, but the NHS guidance would now be that your baby would stay with you in hospital. So clearly others in the know feel that it’s best for a young baby to be with its mother where possible.

Some things can’t be helped. But a shopping weekend away isn’t one of those things

@Derbee

she was at the hospital because she was ill! Baby can stay at home with their dad or relative

how is she supposed to get treatment and rest and recover etc if she has a baby with her that she has to look after?!

honestly! You do not cease to be a person with needs just cos you have a baby you know

@Derbee

actually it is one of those things if it’s conducive to maternal mental health, it’s v important

Personally I wouldn't contemplate leaving overnight until youngest was 3 or 4 years old, but only you know what's right for you.