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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my daughters

110 replies

Foreveranxious22 · 21/09/2022 11:00

Hi! I have 2DD (5yo and 5months) and my partner and I have been wanting to go for a weekend trip to London. We went in the summer last year but I was very early pregnant and super tired and sick so we planned to return.
My partner and I have been talking about it in a casual way to go in November. We both have birthdays in nov and would love to do some Christmas markets and do some shopping. It’s now getting to the time to start to book trains and hotels but I’m worried about leaving DD2 in particular.
Both girls would stay with my partners parents and I know DD1 would be completely fine it’s just the baby I’m worried about. I’d love to know peoples opinions and WWYD? She would be 7 and a half months when we are planning to go, she sleeps through the night well but is very clingy with me. We see their grandparents regularly - at least once a week. I don’t know I guess I feel guilty for wanting to go away as she is so young and I don’t think DD1 slept out until she about 2. Opinions are welcome, I just want to know what others would do/have done.
Thank you x

OP posts:
StClare101 · 21/09/2022 12:22

We left our three month old overnight with his grandparents for a close friends wedding. I wouldn’t hesitate with a seven month old but would definitely only do a night or two maximum.

Mosaic123 · 21/09/2022 12:23

If they are willing to come and stay at your house for the night that might be helpful for both children. I would do it if that was the case.

Kissingfrogs25 · 21/09/2022 12:31

Everyone is different. I wouldn't enjoy being away from a young baby and would take very little pleasure in the trip, I would be far happier with a baby friendly Christmas break we could all enjoy. They are not tiny forever!

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 12:35

PeaceLily2000 · 21/09/2022 11:13

I can help I'm afraid as still haven't left my 8 month old overnight. I'd like the option to but like you I am worried about how she'll be.
She is VERY clingy right now and cries for me when I'm in the same room, looking directly at her.
I also worry that someone else won't check on her though the night like I do.
I don't know, I think you need to feel comfortable else you'll end up not having a good time in London.
Maybe you can talk through some of your worries with your parents parents so they can reassure you? xx

@PeaceLily2000

why does your baby need checking on in the night?!

just enjoy her being asleep and get some
shut eye yourself!

JustSayIt8 · 21/09/2022 12:38

I feel quite bad saying this, but I wouldn't do it, not for this type of trip that could be easily taken next year. I know everyone is different and that probably sounds extreme to some but that attachment bond is important, and this time will pass quickly.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 12:40

Kissingfrogs25 · 21/09/2022 12:31

Everyone is different. I wouldn't enjoy being away from a young baby and would take very little pleasure in the trip, I would be far happier with a baby friendly Christmas break we could all enjoy. They are not tiny forever!

@Kissingfrogs25

hmm a couples trip with mulled wine and bars and shopping versus a family friendly trip which will revolve around the needs/wants of a baby

come on, it’s obvious which is the most enjoyable - let’s not pretend !

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 12:41

JustSayIt8 · 21/09/2022 12:38

I feel quite bad saying this, but I wouldn't do it, not for this type of trip that could be easily taken next year. I know everyone is different and that probably sounds extreme to some but that attachment bond is important, and this time will pass quickly.

@JustSayIt8

secure mother-child attachment isn’t going to be compromised by op having a weekend away! 🤣

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 12:42

Floomobal · 21/09/2022 11:59

I’d leave my 8 month old if I went out for dinner, but not overnight. Certainly not for a weekend away.

Everyone has to do what they’re comfortable with

@Floomobal

why? Out of interest

Floweryflora · 21/09/2022 12:43

JustSayIt8 · 21/09/2022 12:38

I feel quite bad saying this, but I wouldn't do it, not for this type of trip that could be easily taken next year. I know everyone is different and that probably sounds extreme to some but that attachment bond is important, and this time will pass quickly.

eh? You can’t possibly think their bonding will be impacted by a weekend away,not really?

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 12:44

Happy mum, happy baby

go and enjoy yourself op
lots of shopping and mulled wine 😀

SleepingStandingUp · 21/09/2022 12:45

JustSayIt8 · 21/09/2022 12:38

I feel quite bad saying this, but I wouldn't do it, not for this type of trip that could be easily taken next year. I know everyone is different and that probably sounds extreme to some but that attachment bond is important, and this time will pass quickly.

How tenuous do you think ops bind is with her kids that an overnight weekend trip would ruin it? I had longer than that in hospital when I had DSs siblings

Smineusername · 21/09/2022 12:50

It's peak separation anxiety and will be very worrying for dd2 to be separated from you. I wouldn't do it. Could you take dd2 with you maybe?

JustSayIt8 · 21/09/2022 12:53

SleepingStandingUp · 21/09/2022 12:45

How tenuous do you think ops bind is with her kids that an overnight weekend trip would ruin it? I had longer than that in hospital when I had DSs siblings

Show quote history

It is just my opinion, I've studied attachment theory (a bit) and it is all subjective and depends on the child and the relationship, but I wouldn't leave my baby for a weekend away that I didn't need to take. My opinion is not more valid than anyone else's.

BigYellowElephant · 21/09/2022 12:58

I couldn't have done it at that age but everyone is different. Why not have a few trial runs of gps having baby overnight while youre home so that if she really doesn't settle you can come pick her up and postpone the trip to a later date

Floomobal · 21/09/2022 13:03

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 12:42

@Floomobal

why? Out of interest

Show quote history

@LuckySantangelo35 because my baby is used to being comforted by me whenever he needs it. He breastfeeds and Co sleeps, and I wouldn’t want him to have to spend an entire weekend wondering where I was or if I was coming back.

Twixxed · 21/09/2022 13:08

I think it's fine - IF you will actually be able to enjoy yourself! If your parents are up for it, why not do a trial night soon and see how that goes?

kateandme · 21/09/2022 13:09

Do you have to book it right now?
could you do a trial run beforehand.
or even ask them to come stay just so they can see what you do.
what have they said about it.do you get on and feel they will cope and respect your way o md caring for lo.

kateandme · 21/09/2022 13:10

Equally through op don’t feel silly or guilted into doing it:I thinking asking this on here is difficult as family dinamic are all so varied.
mif you can do it you can’t.it doesn’t make you lesser than.

AlwaysTheBrideNeverTheBridesmaid · 21/09/2022 13:13

If you feel fine doing it, go for it.

I'm gonna go against the grain here though and say that at 7m there's just no way we would have felt able to leave DS overnight or for a weekend with anyone. Not at that age. It's not about my own comfort, by then both DH and I had spent a night away from him, but leaving with the other parent. I don't think at 7m he'd have been okay with being away from both parents for so long.

Daisymae55 · 21/09/2022 13:13

Hi

we recently left our (then) 5 month old with grandparents overnight when we went to a wedding. A fortnight before we were due to go away she went through a clingy phase and screamed her head off whenever we saw her grandparents. We took her to see them very regularly and the weekend before we did a trial sleepover (we went out for dinner while dad stayed with gps and although we stayed over, ds stayed with grandparents). Although she cried for a while when we left she was really good. When we left her for the wedding she was good as gold for them and slept great!

so no, not unreasonable and totally doable! If your worried maybe do a trial sleepover - it definitley put my mind at rest :) I think I was worse than dd that first night away from her haha

pigbenis · 21/09/2022 13:13

Smineusername · 21/09/2022 12:50

It's peak separation anxiety and will be very worrying for dd2 to be separated from you. I wouldn't do it. Could you take dd2 with you maybe?

Oh behave 😂😂😂

squishymamma · 21/09/2022 13:14

As PP say it depends on you and of course on the child.

I refused point blank to leave DS1 until he was well over a year, but we left DS2 (and obviously DS1) with DGP for the weekend while we went to a wedding, DS2 was 8 months. Also very clingy and we BF to sleep, we gave DGP plenty of notice and possibility to cancel but DGM was not backing down!! Anyway she didn’t sleep much the first night, but said the second night was much better. I felt guilty leaving such a clingy baby but said the entire time we would come back immediately if it was too much for either DS2 or DGM (long drive but doable) so that really helped.

Having said that I don’t think we’ll be leaving DS2 again until he’s stopped BFing in the night…we gave them plenty of milk but he wouldn’t settle in his bed properly with just a bottle the first night and I don’t want to subject her to that again! (he slept very well and happily on her but then she didn’t sleep!)

Hope you find the best solution for your family x

Cotswoldmama · 21/09/2022 13:14

I assume she's not breastfed as a whole weekend would obviously be too long. I think she would be fine but if you haven't already I would do a couple of trial runs. A day time and maybe a separate night at the grandparents to see how it goes. If it's a disaster then leave it a bit longer.

Foxglovers · 21/09/2022 13:16

I don’t think either thing is the right or wrong answer and totally up to you! I personally haven’t left mine as baby’s because I would feel too bad. Not that I’m saying that’s right, but it’s totally valid to feel that they are too young and hold off. Another year might seem like a long time - but in the grand scheme of things it’s nothing and might be more enjoyable for you to wait?
personally I don’t like feeling pressured to leave them!

Ihatethenewlook · 21/09/2022 13:17

TinaYouFatLard · 21/09/2022 11:51

I thought you meant permanently leave them.

Same. I thought this was a thread about a break up where she was moving out and leaving her daughters with their father 🧐
your kids will survive a night with their granny op