To get annoyed at DH having a poo during our morning routine?

[doggiemum247]

We have a 9mo dd. Since she was born, I've gotten up an hour before she does so I can do everything I need to in the shower, blow dry my hair if needed, get dressed, pump milk etc. my husband sleeps in while I do this. If dd wakes in this time, dh takes her into bed with him for a cuddle until I'm ready to take her for breakfast and we all eat together- important for her development but also if I don't have someone helping me with breakfast, I almost never get to eat because she gets very whiny and upset in the high chair if she's not actually eating. This morning, he announced as I was going downstairs that he was going for a poo and shower (he usually does this in the evening once she's gone to bed).

I suppose for most people this wouldn't be a problem. But I rely on his support in the morning (by which I mean him holding her and then coming to breakfast with us, it's not like I'm asking that much of him) and it took me by surprise. I got annoyed. I said "if you knew you needed 20 minutes in the morning to get ready, you should have told me and I would have gotten up 20 minutes earlier so I could have played with her while you did that".

He got annoyed at me back saying "it's only 20 minutes" and "it's no big deal, it's not like you do anything or need to be anywhere". I study from home while looking after dd during the day.

I explained that if he'd just told me, I wouldn't need to try and juggle dd on my own for 20 minutes when it could have easily been factored in. He wouldn't even have had to get up early! I would have gotten up 20 mins earlier to allow him that time!!!

Needless to say, I didn't get my breakfast and probably won't get a chance to until later now because I have things to get done this morning while also watching dd. Currently BFing her.

To add insult to injury, when I came upstairs with dd, dh had left his stinky dirty pants on the office chair I sit at all day to work. Didn't seem to think this was a problem either.

The main problem though is that even though I've asked him to let me know if he needs 20 minutes in the morning to get ready and I'll factor that into my routine, he's point blank refusing, saying it's unnecessary and I need to ease up. It's not a make or break thing but to me it seems like such an easy thing to just let me know the night before and I'll get up early, rather than having to struggle for those 20 minutes. It's just be a lot less stress al around.

Am I being too rigid and type A, or would others expect their partners to let them know if they needed extra time in the morning to get ready, rather than just taking it out of time that is already very busy?

Just eat your own breakfast before dd gets up. Then sit with her and have a slice of toast infront of you.

Yes, you can, @suzyscat . In fact, by giving into the all the time with attention and responding to their wants (not 'needs'), that is the MAIN method of spoiling them. And it harms their social development, too. It's the most insidious way of spoiling them.

Sometimes your baby needs to whinge for a bit. It’s not the end of the world.

Who's talking about seeing a doctor? I said if he needs to go for a dump then he needs to go. The 20 mins included having a shower as well, Who are you? The poo time police?

The 20m includes a shower.

But otherwise, yes I agree with you. It's really weird how it's become socially acceptable that having a poo should take 15+ minutes? Why? If it takes that long then either you're trying to go when you don't actually need it or you're constipated. I've never got it. I wait until I actually need to go and then go, it takes the same length of time as going for a wee. Yes it's nice and luxurious to shut yourself away on your phone in the bathroom for a bit but the actual having a poo bit really doesn't take that long.

@sjxoxo Can people please actually read the OP? The 20 minutes is for toilet, shower and getting ready. The OP takes an hour AND blow dries her hair, when she doesn't even go anywhere, she stays home, yet her husband has to work! So him doing it in 20 minutes when she takes an entire hour is pretty darn good AND he goes to work!

The Poolice 😋

@babyjellyfish Try actually reading the OP. It's not 20 minutes on the toilet. 20 minutes is for toilet, AND SHOWER AND GETTING READY. OP, takes an ENTIRE HOUR to do what he takes only 20 minutes to do.

it may not be great for development

LOL! 😂

😂😂

let it go, OP…. But not the pants on your chair, that’s rank

You don't need two of your to do breakfast for a 9mo 😂

It sounds as if you aren't even going anywhere later, so who knows why you get up an hour earlier to get ready. Your choice I guess, but it sounds a bit ridiculous to me.

Maybe he should discuss a change of when he showers with your first, so you know/can work out who does what, but your morning hardly sounds busy, and let him have a poo when he needs to.

Both parents needing to get to work on the morning, breakfasting multiple children and getting them to different places, that's busy. Getting to have a sit down family breakfast before one of you goes off to work sounds like a leisurely luxury to me.

@RiftGibbon The 20 minutes was for toilet, shower, and getting ready. OP said she takes an hour. So he only takes a third of the time to get ready that she does, and he has to actually go to work while she stays at home! 20 minutes getting ready for work is actually pretty good.

Since the OP doesn't even work and stays home and doesn't go anywhere, there is no reason why she can't have her shower at night. Since her husband is the one who has to go to work, he has morning showers she has evening ones. That's how it should go. She also doesn't need to blow dry her hair when she isn't even leaving the house, that's just taking the piss. She can let it air dry especially when the weather isn't cold.

If we’re going to be pedantic about this…
the OP said:

Since she was born, I've gotten up an hour before she does so I can do everything I need to in the shower, blow dry my hair if needed, get dressed, pump milk etc. my husband sleeps in while I do this. If dd wakes in this time, dh takes her into bed with him for a cuddle until I'm ready to take her for breakfast and we all eat together

So she’s getting up early to give herself time
to shower, possibly dry her hair, dress, and express breast milk before the baby wakes.

Her husband is sleeping while she does this. If the baby wakes early, he takes the baby into bed with him and cuddles her until the OP is ready to take her for breakfast. He doesn’t get up. He holds the baby for her until she’s ready to get the baby up, breakfasted and ready.

The husband usually shits and showers in the evening. This allows him to stay in bed (even if part of that involved cuddling a baby) and spend only a couple of minutes getting dressed in the morning.

Yes, the OP can be more flexible about this. And a bit more relaxed about the baby. And yes, he needed to poo. But it sounds very much like they both view baby are as his job and him helping out. And this morning he decided he wouldn’t be available to help for 20 minutes.

It’s probably not about the poo really.

Reading this has reminded me that I used to use breakfast for my older baby-younger toddler to start prepping dinner. It was a downtime where she could eat in the kitchen with me, and I'd usually be able to have breakfast, sort the dishwasher, and chop veg/put stuff in the slow cooker for later.

Good times.

I get where you're coming from OP. You have a strict morning routine and he fecked it up.
I get up an hour earlier than anyone else so I can have a cup of tea in peace and then jump in the shower. Woe betide anyone else spoiling my peace or even worse, using the bathroom in MY time slot. Lol.
If anyone has to be up earlier then they let me know and I simply get up even earlier. Obviously if they're desperate for the toilet, that's fine. 5 mins max though! 😉

If I was him, I'd tell you to fuck off.

Sorry but I would.

“Try & juggle dd for 20 mins”. How do you think single parents cope? Anyone would think you had a 50 kids to deal with. Routine’s all good & well, but do try to relax once in a while.

As for the filthy pants, I’d shove them over his head Ahole part right by his mouth & pull as tight as I could.

You sound extraordinarily inflexible.

Your baby will be 100 per cent fine in their cot/play pen/bouncer on the bathroom floor etc while you shower and do your hair. You could absolutely have breakfast while the baby feeds themselves or while you are breastfeeding.

If you prefer to have some time to yourself to get ready or eat breakfast then just say that!

yikes . YABVVU

This thread 😂

YABU. Far far too rigid.

A man is allowed to poo. Can’t believe the poo police are dictating how long a poo should take. A nice leisurely poo whilst checking your phone after you wake up is a good start to the day.

If I could type this ‘But it sounds very much like they both view baby are as his job and him helping out.‘ would read:

but it sounds very much like they both view baby care as her job and him helping out

If this is a departure from his usual routine then he should have got up 20 minutes earlier then, shouldn't he?

Jesus OP.
You sound abusive quite frankly.

He needed a crap, what do you expect him to do?

You doing your hair is more important than him going to the loo.

YABVVVU.

And why the hell can’t you grab a bite to eat with one kid in the house!

One!

Get a bloody grip.

No, he shouldn’t.
Absolutely not.
Forgo the makeup and hair for one day you lunatic.

Why so you need this anyway, if you stay indoors all day?